Who could ever find a trip to the doctor’s a pleasurable one? Starting with that eerie silence in the hallways, some moans and groans behind closed doors and that trailing smell of formaldehyde, everything about a visit to the doctor is at least a tiny bit unsettling. And there aren’t any games in the waiting room anymore, and they don’t even give you a lolly for holding in your tears during an exam! And surely, even if you are waiting for something almost pleasant - like having your ears cleaned - you still feel a bit nervous and grab your phone for a distraction. And, if regular scrolling just doesn’t cut it anymore, we have prepared something much better - a list of only the best doctor jokes! Now, you can stop wiggling your leg nervously while waiting in a line for a checkup and spend that energy giggling instead!
So, what should you expect from these silly jokes? Well, besides some noteworthy comedic relief, these doctor jokes might make even a toothache sound funny and even the worst news sound like a blessing. Of course, you should also expect to read a couple of cool puns because medical stuff is just asking for wordplay! And, as almost always, you will definitely find some adorable jokes, too, because even a doctor deserves an occasional ‘aww’ in his own right.
Okay, are you ready to read our selection of the best doctor jokes? If so, then scroll down below and do so! Of course, do not forget to give the medical jokes that tickled your fancy a vote and share this article with your friends!
#161
What did the judge say to the dentist?
“Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?”
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#162
A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girl’s strange eating habits. “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?” “Eventually,” said the doctor. “She will rise and shine.”
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#163
Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
He was feeling all stuffed up!
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#164
Doctor: “I’ve got very bad news. You’ve got the flu and Alzheimer’s.”
Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have the flu.”
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#165
What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?
“Do you see any change in me?”
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#166
"Knock, knock"
"Who’s there?"
"Minneapolis."
"Minneapolis who?"
"Minneapolis a day keeps the doctor away!"
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#167
A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body. “I hurt all over,” she said.
“What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be a little more specific?”
The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch! That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.”
After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.
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#168
Patient: “Hey doc, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.”
Doctor: “No worries here, that won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.”
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#169
One day, a man stumbled into his doctor’s office with a terrible cold. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didn’t help. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t help either.
When the man returned again, the doctor told him, “Go home. Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.”
“But if I do that, I’ll risk getting pneumonia doc,” replied the man.
“I know,” said the doctor, “but I can cure pneumonia!”
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#170
A Short History of Medicine:
“Doctor I have a headache.”
2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is a demon, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is a superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”
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#171
A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks what’s wrong.
“I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes,” the man complains.
“Have you ever seen a doctor?” she asks.
“No, just spots ma’am.”
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#172
“Are you an organ donor?”
“No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!”
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#173
Patient: “Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.”
Doctor: “How do you feel?”
Patient: “A little down in the mouth.”
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#174
"Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing insects spinning around me!"
"Oh yes, there's a bug going around."
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#175
"Doctor, doctor! You have to help me out... "
"Of course. Which way did you come in?"
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#176
I don't think I'll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother's Day – a doctor for a son-in-law.
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#177
You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back.
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#178
Patient: “Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.”
Doctor: “Sit down and don’t stir.”
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#179
"Doctor, I’m hearing a ringing sound.
Then answer the phone."
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#180
How did the doctor cure the invisible man?
He took him to the ICU.
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