Who could ever find a trip to the doctor’s a pleasurable one? Starting with that eerie silence in the hallways, some moans and groans behind closed doors and that trailing smell of formaldehyde, everything about a visit to the doctor is at least a tiny bit unsettling. And there aren’t any games in the waiting room anymore, and they don’t even give you a lolly for holding in your tears during an exam! And surely, even if you are waiting for something almost pleasant - like having your ears cleaned - you still feel a bit nervous and grab your phone for a distraction. And, if regular scrolling just doesn’t cut it anymore, we have prepared something much better - a list of only the best doctor jokes! Now, you can stop wiggling your leg nervously while waiting in a line for a checkup and spend that energy giggling instead!
So, what should you expect from these silly jokes? Well, besides some noteworthy comedic relief, these doctor jokes might make even a toothache sound funny and even the worst news sound like a blessing. Of course, you should also expect to read a couple of cool puns because medical stuff is just asking for wordplay! And, as almost always, you will definitely find some adorable jokes, too, because even a doctor deserves an occasional ‘aww’ in his own right.
Okay, are you ready to read our selection of the best doctor jokes? If so, then scroll down below and do so! Of course, do not forget to give the medical jokes that tickled your fancy a vote and share this article with your friends!
#141
I went to the doctor, and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
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#142
Why did the rope go to the doctor?
It had a knot in its stomach.
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#143
Doctor’s son: “Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.”
Doctor’s father: “Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.”
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#144
A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?” “Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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#145
Where do sick boats go to get healthy?
To the dock!
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#146
Why did the robot go to the doctor?
She had a virus!
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#147
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!”
Doctor: “Try to block out the pain.”
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#148
What did the balloon say to the doctor?
“I feel light-headed.”
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#149
Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?
In case, she wanted to draw blood!
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#150
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
He had low elf esteem.
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#151
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my ear!”
Doctor: “Don’t worry, I have some cream for that.”
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#152
Doctor: “What seems to be your trouble?”
Patient: “When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour?”
Doctor: “Try getting up one hour later.”
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#153
How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
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#154
Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf.
I haven’t heard from him since.
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#155
I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute.
I had no words.
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#156
Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK, but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”
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#157
A bicycle rolls into the doctor’s office. It says, “Doc, you gotta help me! I can’t keep from yawning all day long.” The doctor says, “Well, I think it’s because you’re two tired.”
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#158
As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, “I’m going to give you a bracelet.” “Has it got rubies and diamonds?” I asked. “No,” he said. “But it costs just as much.”
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#159
A man goes into the doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I’ve swallowed a watch. What should I do?”
“Take these pills,” says the doctor. “They should help you pass the time.”
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#160
A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist’s desk at a doctor’s office.
“Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,” she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,” he said. “Why do you think it was taken here?” “After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.” “I think,” explained the surgeon gently, “that means your cataract operation was a success.”
“Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,” she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,” he said. “Why do you think it was taken here?” “After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.” “I think,” explained the surgeon gently, “that means your cataract operation was a success.”
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