Who could ever find a trip to the doctor’s a pleasurable one? Starting with that eerie silence in the hallways, some moans and groans behind closed doors and that trailing smell of formaldehyde, everything about a visit to the doctor is at least a tiny bit unsettling. And there aren’t any games in the waiting room anymore, and they don’t even give you a lolly for holding in your tears during an exam! And surely, even if you are waiting for something almost pleasant - like having your ears cleaned - you still feel a bit nervous and grab your phone for a distraction. And, if regular scrolling just doesn’t cut it anymore, we have prepared something much better - a list of only the best doctor jokes! Now, you can stop wiggling your leg nervously while waiting in a line for a checkup and spend that energy giggling instead!
So, what should you expect from these silly jokes? Well, besides some noteworthy comedic relief, these doctor jokes might make even a toothache sound funny and even the worst news sound like a blessing. Of course, you should also expect to read a couple of cool puns because medical stuff is just asking for wordplay! And, as almost always, you will definitely find some adorable jokes, too, because even a doctor deserves an occasional ‘aww’ in his own right.
Okay, are you ready to read our selection of the best doctor jokes? If so, then scroll down below and do so! Of course, do not forget to give the medical jokes that tickled your fancy a vote and share this article with your friends!
#181
A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease.
“Nonsense,” scolded the doctor. “You wouldn’t know if you had that. With that particular disease, there’s no discomfort of any kind.” “Oh no!” gasped the patient. “Those are my symptoms exactly!”
“Nonsense,” scolded the doctor. “You wouldn’t know if you had that. With that particular disease, there’s no discomfort of any kind.” “Oh no!” gasped the patient. “Those are my symptoms exactly!”
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#182
A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem. The doctor asks, “How often do you pass gas?” and the man replies 10 to 15 times an hour. The doctor goes back to his office and returns with a pole with an iron hook. The man screams, “What are you going to do with that, Doc?” The doctor replies, “I’m going to open some windows.”
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#183
“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”
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#184
"Knock, knock"
"Who’s there?"
"3:30"
"3:30 who?"
"I made a doctor’s appointment for 3:30 p.m. Let me in!"
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#185
A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.
His boss asks him, “Jeez, what happened to your ears?”
“Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron.”
“Well that explains one ear,” the boss replied, “but what about the other one?”
“I had to call the doctor!”
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#186
"Doctor doctor, help me now! I'm getting shorter and shorter!
Just wait there and be a little patient."
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#187
"Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of wigwams."
"The problem is, you've become too tense."
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#188
One day, a man walked into a doctor’s office and told the receptionist he had shingles. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat. A few minutes later, a nurse’s aid came out. She called his name, and asked him what he has while leading him to the examination room. He responded by saying, “Shingles,” and she told him to wait in the exam room. Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. “Shingles,” he responded. She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature. Before exiting the room, she told him to take off all of his clothes put on a robe, and wait for the doctor.
Twenty minutes later, the doctor entered and asked him what he has.
“Shingles,” the man replied.
“Where?” asked the doctor.
“Outside in the truck,” the man responded, “Where do you want them?”
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#189
A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, “Hello, I want to know if there’s any sign that a patient is improving at all.” The receptionist asks, “What is the patient’s name and room number?” “Of course,” the woman replied, “Sarah Finkel, Room 304.” The receptionist responds by saying, “Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!” “That’s fantastic,” the woman replied, “oh, I’m so thrilled!” “From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?” The woman replied, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Dr. Cohen doesn’t tell me a word.”
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#190
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God.
“Is my time up?” she asked him.
“No,” God answered, “you still have 40 years, 5 months, and 3 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman felt sublime. She decided that if she had so much time left to live, she might as well make the most of it. Therefore, she had a facelift, a tummy tuck, and died her hair before exiting the hospital.
After her tummy tuck was over, she was released from the hospital. However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.
When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, “I thought you said I had another 40 years?! Why didn’t you save me?”
“I didn’t recognize you, ” God replied.
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#191
Why did the bucket go to the doctor?
He had a pail face.
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#192
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment.
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