Who could ever find a trip to the doctor’s a pleasurable one? Starting with that eerie silence in the hallways, some moans and groans behind closed doors and that trailing smell of formaldehyde, everything about a visit to the doctor is at least a tiny bit unsettling. And there aren’t any games in the waiting room anymore, and they don’t even give you a lolly for holding in your tears during an exam! And surely, even if you are waiting for something almost pleasant - like having your ears cleaned - you still feel a bit nervous and grab your phone for a distraction. And, if regular scrolling just doesn’t cut it anymore, we have prepared something much better - a list of only the best doctor jokes! Now, you can stop wiggling your leg nervously while waiting in a line for a checkup and spend that energy giggling instead!
So, what should you expect from these silly jokes? Well, besides some noteworthy comedic relief, these doctor jokes might make even a toothache sound funny and even the worst news sound like a blessing. Of course, you should also expect to read a couple of cool puns because medical stuff is just asking for wordplay! And, as almost always, you will definitely find some adorable jokes, too, because even a doctor deserves an occasional ‘aww’ in his own right.
Okay, are you ready to read our selection of the best doctor jokes? If so, then scroll down below and do so! Of course, do not forget to give the medical jokes that tickled your fancy a vote and share this article with your friends!
#121
"Doctor doctor, I'm suffering from insomnia."
"Try sleeping at the edge of the mattress, you'll soon drop off."
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#122
"Doctor doctor, I'm really worried about my breathing."
"We'll soon put a stop to that."
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#123
One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long they’ve persisted. The vet interrupted him by saying, “Look, I’m a vet. I don’t have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what’s wrong just by looking at them— why can’t you?”
The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. After he handed it to her, he said, The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. After he handed it to her, he said, “I figured it out, so good news patient, well here’s your prescription. Of course, if that doesn’t work then we’ll just have to put you down.”
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#124
What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what they treat.
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#125
They tried to save him with an IV but it was all in vein.
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#126
"Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a moth."
"You don't need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist!"
"I know, but when I was walking past your office I saw your light was on..."
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#127
"Doctor, doctor! Every time I stand up too quickly, I see Donald Duck and Micky Mouse."
"How long have you been getting these Disney spells?"
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#128
"Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a thief."
"Have you taken anything for it?"
"Yes, a bike, a laptop and two TVs."
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#129
Why did the dalmatian go to the doctors?
Because every time she looked in the mirror she saw spots.
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#130
But really, they need me:
Dad’s pager beeped, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him—lights flashing, siren blaring. So Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call.
Within seconds came the policeman’s response: a pair of handcuffs flapping outside the police car window.
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#131
A patient at my daughter’s medical clinic filled out a form. After Name and Address, the next question was “Nearest Relative.” She wrote “Walking distance.”
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#132
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
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#133
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.
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#134
My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife.
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#135
Doc says to the patient, "You have the body of a twenty-year-old, but you should return it. You're stretching it completely out of shape."
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#136
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
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#137
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Colin who?
Colin the doctor… I’m sick!
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#138
Patient: “Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?”
Doctor: “Sell!”
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#139
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”
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#140
Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?
The nearest golf course.
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