Who could ever find a trip to the doctor’s a pleasurable one? Starting with that eerie silence in the hallways, some moans and groans behind closed doors and that trailing smell of formaldehyde, everything about a visit to the doctor is at least a tiny bit unsettling. And there aren’t any games in the waiting room anymore, and they don’t even give you a lolly for holding in your tears during an exam! And surely, even if you are waiting for something almost pleasant - like having your ears cleaned - you still feel a bit nervous and grab your phone for a distraction. And, if regular scrolling just doesn’t cut it anymore, we have prepared something much better - a list of only the best doctor jokes! Now, you can stop wiggling your leg nervously while waiting in a line for a checkup and spend that energy giggling instead!
So, what should you expect from these silly jokes? Well, besides some noteworthy comedic relief, these doctor jokes might make even a toothache sound funny and even the worst news sound like a blessing. Of course, you should also expect to read a couple of cool puns because medical stuff is just asking for wordplay! And, as almost always, you will definitely find some adorable jokes, too, because even a doctor deserves an occasional ‘aww’ in his own right.
Okay, are you ready to read our selection of the best doctor jokes? If so, then scroll down below and do so! Of course, do not forget to give the medical jokes that tickled your fancy a vote and share this article with your friends!
#81
What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?
Hopefully not your doctor.
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#82
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
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#83
What don’t you want to hear in the middle of surgery?
“Where’s my watch?”
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#84
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.” “Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “OK,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
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#85
The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.
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#86
A skeleton went to the doctor.
The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, “Aren’t you a little late?”
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#87
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?”
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly. “Another doctor.”
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#88
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It thought it had a terminal illness.
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#89
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
He wasn’t peeling well.
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#90
The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office, having his hearing checked.
The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”
“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”
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#91
What’s the best place to hide from a doctor?
The apple orchard.
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#92
Patient: “Doctor, I think I’ve been bitten by a vampire.”
Doctor: “Drink this glass of water.”
Patient: “Will it make me better?”
Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”
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#93
A woman went to her doctor’s office with a seemingly incurable case of hiccups. A new doctor examined her, and after a few minutes, she began to scream and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After she explained, the older doctor went to the new doctor and said, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor smiled and said, “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”
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#94
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.”
Doctor: “When did this start?” Patient: “Next Tuesday.”
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#95
Patient to friend: “I saw the doctor today about my loss of memory.”
Friend: “What did he say?”
Patient: “He asked me to pay him in advance.”
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#96
Doctor: “I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. We have to open you back up.”
Patient: “Are you kidding me?! Tell you what, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!”
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#97
Receptionist: “The doctor is so funny; he’ll have you in stitches.”
Patient: “I hope not — I only came in for a checkup.”
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#98
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.”
Doctor: “Don’t get yourself in a stew.”
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#99
"How did you find that doctor was fake?"
"She had good handwriting."
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#100
A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money. Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island.
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