Who could ever find a trip to the doctor’s a pleasurable one? Starting with that eerie silence in the hallways, some moans and groans behind closed doors and that trailing smell of formaldehyde, everything about a visit to the doctor is at least a tiny bit unsettling. And there aren’t any games in the waiting room anymore, and they don’t even give you a lolly for holding in your tears during an exam! And surely, even if you are waiting for something almost pleasant - like having your ears cleaned - you still feel a bit nervous and grab your phone for a distraction. And, if regular scrolling just doesn’t cut it anymore, we have prepared something much better - a list of only the best doctor jokes! Now, you can stop wiggling your leg nervously while waiting in a line for a checkup and spend that energy giggling instead!
So, what should you expect from these silly jokes? Well, besides some noteworthy comedic relief, these doctor jokes might make even a toothache sound funny and even the worst news sound like a blessing. Of course, you should also expect to read a couple of cool puns because medical stuff is just asking for wordplay! And, as almost always, you will definitely find some adorable jokes, too, because even a doctor deserves an occasional ‘aww’ in his own right.
Okay, are you ready to read our selection of the best doctor jokes? If so, then scroll down below and do so! Of course, do not forget to give the medical jokes that tickled your fancy a vote and share this article with your friends!
#61
"Doctor, doctor I think I'm suffering from Déjà Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?"
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#62
Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery:
1. Oops!
2. Has anyone seen my watch?
3. That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.
4. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
5. Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?
7. Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
8. Damn, there go the lights again…
9. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
2. Has anyone seen my watch?
3. That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.
4. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
5. Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?
7. Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
8. Damn, there go the lights again…
9. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
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#63
Doctor's office: "All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms."
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#64
Husband: “The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
Wife: “And did he?”
Husband: “Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”
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#65
Doctor: “Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed 10 quarters last night?”
Nurse: “No change yet.”
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#66
Why did the doctor tell the nurses to be quiet when walking past the medicine cabinet?
So they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills!
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#67
Why did the mattress go to the doctor?
It had spring fever.
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#68
Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?
He kept feeling jumpy.
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#69
What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldn’t stop breaking wind?
A kite.
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#70
I went to the doctor this morning and said, “I’ve swallowed a golf ball.”
The doctor said, “Yes, I can see it’s gone down a fairway.”
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#71
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
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#72
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my ear!”
Doctor: “Don’t worry, I have some cream for that.”
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#73
Why do surgeons wear masks?
So no one will recognize them when they make a mistake.
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#74
A man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
Man: “Will I be all right, doc?”
Doctor: “You are in grave danger — Mercury is in Uranus.”
Man: “I don’t buy into that astrology nonsense!”
Doctor: “Neither do I. My thermometer broke.”
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#75
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.”
Doctor: “How long have you felt like this?”
Patient: “Since I was a puppy.”
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#76
Patient: “Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter.”
Doctor: “I’m so sorry; I don’t follow.”
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#77
Patient: “Will this ointment clear up my spots?”
Doctor: “I never make rash promises.”
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#78
The doctor took his patient into the room and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.” The patient said, “Give me the good news first.” “They’re going to name the disease after you.”
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#79
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
He was feeling really crumby.
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#80
"Doctor doctor, they've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers."
"Don't worry, what you have is not catching."
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