“But It’s Every Day”: 59 Micro-Aggressions That Are So Micro People Feel They Can’t Call Them Out

Being in a conversation with male and female colleagues, and every time you're talking, if a man pipes up, everyone turns to him whether he's interrupting you or he-peating whatever you just said.

I knew an older lady who would say "Well, we didn't all get to go to university!" in this particular tone...but always in response to things that I learned in public school.

Examples include being able to multiply 8x6 in my head, knowing that the word "phony" is used frequently in Catcher in the Rye, and looking on the official Elections Canada website to see where to vote.

My colleague is a veteran and he refers to the other veterans on our team as "Brother." I am also a veteran, and he has no way to refer to me in such a manner since I'm not a man. He does it to vets from different service branches too, so it isn't just the Army vets he says it to. It is such a little thing, the only ones who have clocked him saying it are me and the other woman on the team in these meetings.

Years ago I was at Thanksgiving with my boyfriend at the time's family.

The turkey platter was too heavy to really pass around, so plates were getting passed around. His grandma started to put a whole turkey leg on my plate, then asked whose plate it was. When she found out mine she put the leg back and put some scraps on the plate.

I can't remember if this was one or two years after she sat me and him at the "kids table" alone, while the actual children were at the main table.

Being told I'm “surprisingly articulate.”

Thank you, I think?

Someone at work will not stop parking their shoes in front of my locker so I can’t open it without moving them. Perfectly lined up and clearly deliberate. It’s cause it’s right in front of the bench. But like? You have your own locker, there’s ten shoe racks, a shoe mat under the bench, and now they’re in the middle of the very narrow isle. wth. It’s been months of me having to move someone’s smelly hospital shoes. It’s so minor and frustrating.

Another one is when some random person kicks someone’s else’s shoes in as far a different directions as possible. It’s so rude.

“My mom said you were really ugly, but I stuck up for you and told her she was being mean.”.

There are many gendered examples that some would call “flirtation” but that, on the receiving end, leave a person feeling like a piece of meat or dirty. Looks, comments on one’s body, touching that doesn’t quite cross the line, for instance. Any one of these things, by themselves, don’t seem worth mentioning. But over a lifetime they add up, and they define a subordinate position for the person experiencing them.

I'm of Asian heritage and my ex's aunt visited the country of my heritage and called the clothes people were wearing "costumes".

Being asked where you are from. As an immigrant who's been a citizen for decades... Any single one of those questions is innocent, but when you get asked that same question several times a week by randos for half of your life, it really wears on you. It's basically being reminded that you will always be an outsider. .

When I’m clearly expected to do something, it’s on my list to do, and I’m the only one who has done work on the assignment, the question “have we done this yet?” This is my most recent pet peeve.

No, *we* have not done anything. *I* wrote something, revised it, and did everything including adding *your* signature.

Another that makes me feel crazy is when people remove niceties from an email. “Hi Name,” becomes “Name:” .

Someone said "no offense" before a totally normal sentence, still thought about it for days.

Sometimes it's just a look in the other direction while you're talking.

My mom has this nasty habit of sweetly asking: can I ask you a question and you promise you won't get mad?

1) She knows it's going to infuriate me

2) if I tell her no, she is going to ask anyway.

No matter what she has "politely started an argument.

New sister in law consistently passively aggressively pointing out things she doesn't like about me.

I have autism among other things.

Certain quotes:

"Oh you're a little bit OBESSED over that aren't you?"

"Have you taken your medication today?"

"Can you make the pie you're making healthy?"

"I think you need to stop talking," and immediately picks off when I stopped.

"You KNOW what black tie is don't YOU?"

And a myriad of others. Lord give me strength.

I had a coworker who would wait until I went home every evening and move the alphabet magnets on my whiteboard. It was never anything important, just a letter out of place. But it was so obvious! I saw it as soon as I came in! It drove me nuts!

And I looked like a lunatic telling my principal that coworker was messing with my letters.

People who emphasize their Doctorate status.
When unruly customers call and reiterate it's DOCTOR Jane Doe. 
Me: "Jane, if you click on the details it clearly states what's required."
Them: It's DOCTOR Jane Doe.
Me "will there be anything else we can assist you with today Jane?"

Like no, your doctorate in literature has ZERO impact on this conversation. STFU!

People casually but repeatedly bringing up your age or your relationship status.

My grandma (a white woman) would gush over my sister who is white. I’m more Native American passing. Granted, my sister is tall, blonde and very pretty. One time we came to my grandma’s house and my sister walked in and my grandma immediately said “oh -sister-, you’re so beautiful, you could be a model.” When I walked in she said “you’re cute too.”.

Being the only guy addressed as "bud" in a group of men.
"Okay, bud". "Thanks, bud.".