“But It’s Every Day”: 59 Micro-Aggressions That Are So Micro People Feel They Can’t Call Them Out

Had a barista who looked like she as having a bad day. I made sure I had my full order ready and spoke clearly and enunciated to try and help her out. She continued to have a sour face and asked my name. I told her, loud and clear, "It's Joanna". She sorta rolled her eyes at me and made a face, which was weird. I tipped her well regardless. I know working retail sucks.

Time goes by and my order hasn't come up. Everyone that came after me had their drinks. All of a sudden I hear someone loudly call, "Joe! JOE! JOE!" And it dawns on me... I'm Joe. Embarrassed I go get my order, because it's clear they thought I just wasn't paying attention. I thought about telling them, "Hey, the original Barista shortened my name so I didn't recognize it", but knew they'd think I was weird. I've been "Anna" or "Joanne" on coffee and it never bothered me.

But when I looked back and remembered the fact she had rolled her eyes at me when I said my name, I realized she was annoyed at me that I had a "long" name. And then shortened it. Super weird micro aggression, but not one that deserved bringing up to the staff. Still leaves me weirded out whenever I think about it.

I have a neighbor I see e v e r y t I m e I step out the house . Does not matter the time 4am or 10pm it’s too much of a coincidence. I felt crazy because I noticed they kept their window shades constantly open looking into my apt. It wasnt until I put curtains that I felt better but yet I see them everytime I step out. Most times I have to wait them out because I don’t want to greet them.

When people jokingly say the reverse of some obvious thing about your appearance.

Like, if you are old, they say “Well, young man, what will it be?”

Or, if you are tall, “What’s up, Shorty?”

Or (dangerous territory) “Hey, Skinny!”.

I have no learning disabilities or neurodivergence of any kind but I am always labeled neurodivergent (specifically autism) by my peers because I am trans.

I have taken all of their “quizzes” and surveys and they always come up with nothing. Sorry guys, being queer is not a mental illness.

Noticed this real weird one while I was in a wheelchair.

I'm going down one side of a grocery store aisle, somebody is travelling the opposite direction on the other side. Neither of us is in each other's way, we're just proceeding on our path without disturbing each other. About 50% of the time, the other person would apologise as they passed me.

Like... are you sorry you have to pass me? Sorry I'm in a wheelchair? What exactly are you apologising for?

The singular Pride-themed thing I regularly carry is a rainbow wallet. A cashier looked at it silently for several seconds as I looked for the needed bills and then said “Merry Christmas.” I said thank you, you too because asking him if he thought that I would be one of those War on Christmas people would have been absurd and also because I was thankful for the holiday cheer.

I had signed up for a swing dance class. Arrived early to get signed in. A small line had already formed and I was third from the end behind a couple. The assistant instructor worked her way down the line asking each person their info and crossing their name off the attendance list. She went by me, signed in the couple, turned to walk into the studio, turned back and asked if I was part of the class. I had been waiting patiently in line, watching the whole process. I said yes and she signed me in.

Everyone in that class was a white or asian yuppy. I was the only brown in the class. The instructor spent the first 5 minutes talking about the history of swing, how it's a black American and African creation and how they think it's very important to respect the roots of the form rather than appropriate and divest it of its context.

I have endless microagression anecdotes, as a minority in a western city. They happen to me every time I leave the house, every sidewalk, every room. It's the reason I'm very shy and introverted and don't go out or interact much. If I get snappy, or make a fuss, It's all plausibly deniable and I'm the bad guy.

Bestie, when people say “you look tired” like, thanks for the reminder, 2000s vibes.

When you’re a different culture/ethnicity and they have to tell you every person they know of that culture/ethnicity.

“Our doctor is also X!”

Great! .

I was part of a panel doing an interview for a finance position. The applicant said he would “dumb it down” so we could understand it. He did not get the job.

When someone compliments or agrees with you, but precedes it with the word “actually.” “That’s actually a very good idea.”.

"Hey, you look good *today*."

"I'm sure *someone* here will want to get pedantic and fact check what I'm about to share, but ...".

I’m a trans woman. One time, I was about to order a burrito, and the guy working there said “Let me guess, vegetarian?”

It didn’t help that he was right.

My roommate likes to leave 1 or 2 seconds on the microwave oven. I started leaving it open after I done with it. If he ever says anything about leaving it open, I'll just say, "Not me. Must be the same ahole who leaves 1 second on it when they're done.".

Everyone in my life telling me how "amazing" and "incredible" I look now after losing 85 lbs just makes me realize they thought I looked like a fat piece of trash before.

There was a while where I was traveling internationally a lot for work and one time at customs a guy looked at my passport and just went ‘oh…how nice’ in a way that clearly sounded like he didn’t think it was nice. Then he made me take my glasses off, put them back on, and take them off again. At 3 am in the country.

I was a foreign student studying uni abroad and always heard "wow your English is so good" from everyone, and from some of them more than once.

Calling someone 'champ'.... I don't know if my new boss knew what he was saying when he called a co-worker that name in our workplace group Whatsapp but oof! the reverberations.

As a food/customer service worker, when boomers go out of their way to tell me how good of a job I'm doing.

Old man a few days ago couldn't go more than five seconds without saying "youre so good at this!"

I'm just making a sandwich, man. I'm here physically but mentally I'm on autopilot.