“If Any Of You Are Thinking About Doing It, Don’t”: Cheaters Open Up About Life After Infidelity

Not me or my family. Someone I know cheated on his wife, divorced, stayed with the person the cheated with and have a whole new life. This all happened 20+years ago, everyone has moved on. He, ex wife, and current wife (the one who cheated with) get together for holidays, and important life events for their adult children. Everyone is fairly amicable.

I was a kid, 18yo. My then boyfriend and I had the pregnancy talk about what would happen if I got pregnant. He told me he “would wait for me at the
bottom of the stairs with a wire coat hanger.” It was then I realized our relationship was over, but wasn’t strong enough to end it. Eventually met a coworker and started to cheat.

Gay. He was wonderful too, great partner. Deserved better. That’s how I knew I wasn’t straight.

To be totally honest it’s because I went through a period of time where I was just a bad person. I cheated physically once, although I would say there was a lot of emotional cheating leading up to it. I was young and in university and my high school partner and I never saw each other and I was getting a bunch of attention from this guy. I got a rush out of the “secrecy” and “forbidden” aspect of it all so I just gave in one day when me and this guy were on mushrooms. I felt terrible then, I feel terrible now. I ended my relationship the next day. Turns out he also cheated on me lol. But I still feel bad and I haven’t done it in any relationship since. Cheating is a horrible thing to do and I will always regret doing it.

I was unhappy and mistreated in the relationship. I met someone who made me feel seen during a time I was really insecure. I told my partner a month later after she confessed something that also hurt me, but she got angrier. I felt awful the days after i did it and realized i should’ve just left the relationship sooner. I know what i did was wrong and I’ve vowed never to repeat it. And tbh, even if she treated me like s**t, she didnt deserve what i did to her.

I cheated because she did it first. One time i went through her phone and saw videos and photos of her doing things. I acted out of pure anger and jealousy so one day i offered to pay my female friend to take a couple of explicites photos and videos while also hiding our faces and so one day i invited her to come hangout in my room and i pretend to use the bathroom and hoping she went through my phone and find the videos and hoping she felt the same turns out she did and when i came back in she said "something came up at home so i gotta go rn" the last time i ever saw and heard from her.

He had a kid with someone else while we were toghether, I found out and instead of breaking up with him I decided to hurt his feelings back.

Was gay

I’ve cheated on two partners.

First time I was 21. He was a*****e and when I’d try to leave, he tell me he’d k**l himself and it would be on me for the rest of my life. Found someone who I could turn to when I was being abused. I never felt guilty for what I did because he was so so so awful to me.

Second time I actually still feel terrible for. He never found out. But he just would not do anything with me. All he wanted to do was play video games and drink. I couldn’t get him to go places with me so I started doing everything alone. We slept in opposite rooms. I worked overnights and he would scream at his video games all during the day when I was trying to sleep even when I asked him not to. Then if I made a single noise in the middle of the night on my days off, it was an issue. He’d wake me up after I worked 3 12 hour shifts to ask if I was going to cook dinner for him while he gamed and got drunk. He, too would threaten to k**l himself if I left. It got to the point where I saw no point in even being alive anymore because I was so depressed. Found someone who gave me attention. Eventually we did her back together but the same s**t kept happening. Didn’t cheat on him again but i eventually gave him the option for us to do couples therapy or I was leaving and he refused therapy.

Bipolar. D***s. Booze. She took me back. Still together

My exhusband and I had a pretty bad relationship for years. We got married young and quick… it was quickly high conflict. I finished school but he never did, lost his job almost immediately after I got out of school and spent most of the next 5 years unemployed. He had health problems and a pretty bad temper, crossing the line into physical abuse on several occasions. We’d separated 3x, but fear had us keep trying again. I was quite overweight and was worried I wouldn’t find someone new…

During our final separation, our dog died. I was so distraught… I loved that dog. My mom was recovering in my home from a bad injury and my stepdad had dementia… And my ex was actually pretty great during it. I convinced myself the 6 months apart was good for us so we decided to try again and he moved back in. I needed the help and I really needed him to be a good guy, so I convinced myself things could be different.

It quickly was back to the same old. We were fighting. He was signing up for more classes (he spent 9 years and about 25k and had never gotten farther than Sophomore)… within weeks I was regretting letting him back in. I was 32 and I knew I wanted kids… and I came to the realization if I had kids with him they might be LIKE him and I was afraid I wouldn’t love them. I had nightmares about this.

At the same time, there was this great younger guy at my work. I didn’t want to go home & he was going through a breakup where she was being difficult about moving out, so we started just hanging out to have drinks. Then go two-stepping. I never had the intention of it becoming a connection, I was just enjoying spending time with someone funny and kind. I was attracted to him, but he was 24 and an indirect subordinate and I was older and overweight so I didn’t entertain the thought.

After several weeks, he told me he had feelings for me. My ex was staying up late to “study” for a test I later learned he failed while he racked up 12k in credit card debt I didn’t know about in cam girls. I told him I’d be home late since he’d be studying… so I went out dancing with what was originally going to be a group from work but ended up just the guy and I. We danced, with each other and others, and had several rounds of drinks. It was a lot of fun… and, to sober up, we ended up at iHop after. He held my hands, caressing them gently, and told me he was surprised how soft they were… that he’d “imagined” they’d be rougher as I’m a horseback rider. I felt the wind knocked out of me… he’d “imagined” my hands? The night took a turn in the tone. I didn’t know what to say. He told me he was falling in love with me and he thought I felt the same, but he didn’t want to do anything until I called it quits with my then-husband. I didn’t confirm because, again, I hadn’t given any serious thought. I told him I didn’t know what to think, we cashed out, and we went for a 2 am walk at a lake in his neighborhood. At this point my ex was blowing up my phone… and I ignored the calls. I told him I needed to think. He pulled me close, put his hands in my hair, and nuzzled in my neck. I hugged him, then got in my truck and drove the 30 minutes home. When I got home I walked out to my horse pasture, gave my horse a hug, and went in to find my then-husband sleeping and snoring. I looked at him and felt a wave of disappointment, disgust, and hatred. I was mad at myself for how I had behaved, and I was mad at him for the proceeding years.

I told the other man the following morning I would talk to my husband and end things the following week after his test for his schooling. I said I didn’t want to tell him and upset him given (I thought) he had been trying. We agreed not to see each other personally until then… though we exchanged hundreds of messages all day and saw each other at work every day. That Thursday my ex failed his test, and that Thursday night I told him I was done. He asked if it was because of the man I’d been spending so much time with. I told him the truth - no, not directly. It was because we hadn’t worked in years… but the timing was because yes, I had feelings for someone else. He wanted to know if I had s*x with him. I told him that I had not, which was true, but that I had very strong feelings. My ex blew up, fairly for once, and we had an ugly divorce.

I got engaged to my now-husband about 18 months into our relationship and married at almost 3 years. And I’m happy. Very, very happy. I love him. He is the great love of my life and the best worst thing I ever did. I have support, he’s a wonderful father, and we have accomplished a lot as a team. He’s never left me hanging. He’s never gotten fired or spent money on p**n. He’s never hit me. He’s never thrown things at me. He’s my best friend.

I cheated on my ex boyfriend with my current husband. My ex boyfriend was just very emotionally toxic and my current husband was a shoulder to cry on

After 8 years together I found out he was planning how to leave me and take all of our assets after begging me to quit my job and financially rely on him. He was s******l, addicted to p**n, and claimed my sexual a*****t was a burden on his sexuality. I reconnected with someone I always liked throughout my childhood, and started having s*x with him. Part of it was out of resentment. Another part of me was just curious about what s*x would feel like with another person considering he was my first. Either way it wasn’t the right way to go about my marital issues. Within a week of sleeping with the other guy, I asked for a divorce. I didn’t pursue anything serious with the guy I cheated with, but cheating made me come to the decision to leave a lot sooner than I would have.

I had been dating a guy I met on tinder for about a month and then he had to go out of state for 3 months. Ended up meeting my now husband and a few days later felt super bad about it and broke up with guy 1. I’ve been with my husband for almost a decade but I still feel guilty about how it started

My ex and I were together for 11 years, and things got unhealthy towards the end. She was an alcoholic with worsening signs of schizophrenia (hearing voices, paranoid delusions, inattentive behavior, etc.). I tried to get her to seek help many times in many different ways. She wouldn't let me talk to her doctor, and it was clear that she was not being honest about the voices she was hearing.

I had substance issues during this time, but I stayed functional, never unemployed, but probably not the best partner given the situation. We fought often, and I ended up living at my parents' house for a few months while we tried working on the relationship.

Eventually, I wanted to move back into the house that I was paying for, but she kept asking for more space. A few weeks later, our downstairs tenants moved out because she would shout to herself alone upstairs, and haad called the police at least once thinking somone had broken into the house. I used this opportunity to move back in, but separately. One day soon after, she was talking about the neighbors having a loud argument outside and mentioned hearing something about her name and her mother's. We didn't even know those neighbors, and I decided that she was getting help or I was done forever.

While I was living at my parents' house, I found myself spending time with a mutual female friend whom I had known for over 10 years. Nothing inappropriate, but we connected on some level at that time, and feelings developed below the surface. I gave my ex the ultimatum that she needed to see a doctor with me; or I was not going to be there for her any longer. She declined, and I made my choice. It became clear who I wanted to be with. She was out of town; so I drove overnight to be with her.

There was a month of sneaking around (we were still effectively separated but had not officially ended the relationship), and then a 6-month standoff as we divided assets (her family was insanely wealthy, having paid for 30% of our house in cash upfront). I continued dating my new partner throughout this time. We are still together, nearly 5 years later, and I never imagined how much better life could be. I don't recommend doing things this way. My a*******n spiraled further out of control in those early years, almost causing this relationship to crash and burn as well. I finally found myself with something worth saving, so I made the effort to get sober.

I was dating a girl (I’m female) for 2 years, I was never gay or bisexual or into anything other than dudes before I met her, it just kinda happened and I did love her but when I met my now husband he was so nice and good hearted and not your average d******d guy. Honestly, I was trying to find a way out of that relationship because it was toxic as well, we basically just got drunk all the time, fought and the relationship was going no where. Anyway, my now husband was persistent with me but not in an aggressive way if that makes sense. Long story short, I cheated on her with him and we’re now together 7 years and expecting our first child, I don’t have any regrets other than hurting the person I was with

At first, it was emotional. That was the dangerous part. I started comparing. I’d be with my partner but thinking about what that other person would say or do. Then it crossed a line. One night, then another and then it wasn’t just a mistake anymore. It was a whole situation. Leaving was messy and it hurt everyone. I hated being the villain. But staying would've been worse. Looking back, I do regret parts of it. The way it happened but leaving a relationship that wasn’t right, that needed to happen. I just wish I’d done it cleaner.

I had been in a long distance relationship. Not knowing how unhealthy it was. For me. My mental health. I had two relationships with two different men online. Both good men. But…I f****d up. I do regret it. But it also showed me that I wasn’t ready for any relationship. So I’ve been just…here. Single. Probably will be forever. And I don’t mind.

I was in an a*****e relationship for ten years. He made sure my life was a living hell. I wasn’t being treated like a human, let alone getting my basic human needs met. Cheating was never the goal. I just wanted human interaction that wasn’t abuse. I found my now husband, he became my best friend. He saved me. If it weren’t for him I would have left this world either by my exs hands or my own.

I've talked about this before on reddit but I cheated on my boyfriend when I was 18. He'd s****************d me and convinced me that no man would ever want me because I was "damaged goods" so he could do whatever he wanted to me. Said God made me for him and we would get married one day so it didn't matter really. I was scared s**tless and took a job that got me out of state. One of my coworkers was a few years older and became a good friend. There wasn't any romantic feelings between the two of us or even really attraction but I hooked up with him as a way of proving to myself that A*****e Boyfriend was wrong. That experience gave me the courage to finally break up with him.

That was over a decade ago and I've never cheated in a relationship since then. Happily married to a man who knows my past and is of the opinion that I did what I needed to to escape a bad situation.