“If Any Of You Are Thinking About Doing It, Don’t”: Cheaters Open Up About Life After Infidelity

I was selfish and disgusting and a horrible person. I was in the throes of undiagnosed BPD (btw which is not an excuse just an explanation) and I wasted a beautiful persons life for 8 years. It’s all it ever is. People who cheat are suffering from something they can’t put a name to yet. Cheaters can repent if they recognize what made them do it but if you come across one who refuses. Stay clear.

I cheated on my girlfriend of 7.5 years with someone I started talking to online.

I stayed in the relationship way too long and out of obligation. I was afraid of being alone, so I stayed even though I wasn't happy. My partner wasn't a*****e or anything, just passive aggressive often.

I think I either fell out of love or interest. Or simply depressed. But I slid into someone's DMs out of boredom and looking to flirt with someone new. We ended up hitting it off really fast, even though they live on the other side of the world. I kept it from my partner for about 2 weeks until the guilt made me physically ill.

I sat my partner down and put everything on the table not holding a single detail behind. I felt like such an a*****e for breaking the heart of someone I love.
I'm still talking to the other person and it's honestly going really well.

I know I'm not a good person for this and it's something I'll have to live with

He was an a*****e, he controlled every dime in that house. he used my kids as pawns and threats. I did it to get him to hate me. So he wouldn't be so insistent we stay together. And it was nice having someone actually care if I came. Or are or smiled. Didn't work. Went through the hard way.

I was 18 years old. I was being groomed by my bf's dad. I got close with a coworker who offered for me to escape and live with him. My bf wouldn't let me leave unless I cheated on him and broke his heart.

To this day I regret it. If I had just stuck it out until my bf graduated high school and we got our own place. He meant everything to me, but I had to get away from his dad.

In my early 20’s I cheated on someone that cheated on me for revenge. Instead of making me feel better, it made me realize how truly trashy it is and how horrible people are that can do it without conscience. Never been so disgusted with myself. The idea has never crossed my mind since

My boyfriend at the time was an awful human. It was a 4 year long relationship in college. Very toxic. Lots of cheating on his end.

I had a rough day after failing the test to get my teacher certification— staff at my student teaching position asked me to join them out bar hoping for the last day of school that night… I literally was going to just go home but ended up saying “f**k it” and went anyway. Staff got my drunk off my a*s and my now husband made a move. After a wonderful make out session in front of the whole staff- I slept in his bed that night. LOL. 10 years later we have a home, a kid, and the best life I could ask for! To this day I swear I would still be with that college moron, miserable, if my hubby wouldn’t have saved me.

I started dating my ex at 15 years old (we met when I was 14) and he was 5 years older than me. I went to college and just pretended I didn’t have a boyfriend because I was embarrassed of the age gap. It was freshman year and I ended up cheating on him with a guy I met on a dating app (now that’s another long story). He didn’t find out until I told him when we broke up my junior year. I ended up hitting up the guy from freshman year again and we were in a situationship for a year. Anyways, I don’t know if I’m a terrible person or if I was robbed of my youth and groomed, but I honestly don’t regret it. I should’ve ended things way sooner but you live and you learn. I felt stuck and honestly the whole underage thing f***s with me to this day, but I’m way happier now.

Side note, when I was in high school he accused me of cheating on him multiple times even though I never did. He also guilt tripped me into having s*x when I didn’t want to. 0/10 would not recommend!

I was in a long term relationship with my ex. We moved across the country together, so I became very isolated and he was all I had. He had shown signs of being a*****e before the move that I largely ignored because of naïveté, but once we moved all hell broke loose.

He was a massive alcoholic and extremely verbally a*****e, and quite often physically to go with it. He would also often harm himself if I upset him. But, I had no other friends or family there and my job did not pay enough for me to be on my own in a relatively HCOL city. We also got rid of my car during the move as it was too old to make it across the country, so I was dependent on him for that too.


I started becoming closer with people at work as they were my only escape from him. They unfortunately witnessed some of his insane behavior (he would stumble in there drunk fairly often) and I began to open up to them more about what I was going through. In particular, to one guy I worked with because he was always very realistic with me and a good listener.


No boundaries were crossed for a long time. I didn’t have feelings for him, we never texted about anything outside of work, we didn’t hang out unless we were in a big group, etc.


After almost a year of this friendship, I realized how bad things were with my ex and that he was going to k**l me if I didn’t get out. Around the same time, I realized my feelings for my coworker. And, I just so happened to land a better paying job with benefits that would allow me more stability on my own, and was walkable from my apartment.


So I tried to break up with my ex once and for all. It didn’t work well. He threatened to k**l himself, I ended up locking myself in the bedroom while he screamed and raged and attacked himself with a razor. It was incredibly traumatizing and I didn’t know what to do. He refused to leave and I had nowhere else to go.


Later that week was my last day at my old job and so I went out with my coworkers to celebrate. My ex was god knows where getting drunk. My coworker offered to drive me home, and when he dropped me off I asked him if he wanted to kiss me. He said yes, so we did. I ran into my apartment and told him I had made a huge mistake, and long story short it led to a confession from him that he had had feelings for me for a while but always wanted to respect my relationship and not cross boundaries.


I ended up successfully ending things with my ex a few days later. It was horrific, he destroyed many of my belongings, punched holes in our doors, there was broken glass all over the apartment, he was threatening to k**l me with a knife in his hand and it was so loud multiple neighbors called the police. They showed up and he fled and never came back. I haven’t seen him since.


But I did start dating my old coworker. And I still am to this day. He was there for me through every step of the healing process, took things slow and gently, and ultimately has helped me get through so much trauma. He is an incredible partner who has never so much as raised his voice at me. He has made me believe in love again and I hope to spend the rest of my life with him.


Am I proud of cheating? Absolutely not. Am I glad I did it? Yes. The guilt of it was what gave me the final nudge to actually get rid of my ex. How ironic, I couldn’t do it because ge was abusing me but when I f****d up I felt too guilty to stay together. Does my partner worry he’s going to “lose me how he got me”? No, he’s not a terrifying, a*****e piece of s**t.

The only time I've ever cheated was with my now wife. My girlfriend at the time wasn't good to me. She wasn't physically a*****e or anything, but she took advantage of my generosity.

Near the end I was bringing a full load of groceries for her every time I saw her, a four hour drive, even though her dad was still supporting her. One instance my wife likes to point out is the old gf whispered to my now wife "watch this" and asked me to make the fancy popcorn I make sometimes. Then she ate pretty much all of it.

I was f****d up (very high) and the cheating happened, and my gf didn't even care... I told her right away because I'm not "that guy" to myself. Found out later she was cheating on me for quite a while too. Not that it makes it better, but still!

I've never even been tempted to cheat on my wife, and while I'm not proud of what happened I'm f*****g glad it did. I was miserable with the old gf, I just felt like I didn't have any other options and I was lonely.

Sure, we don't have s*x as much as I want to, but how is that a new story? XD

Emotionally cheated for sure.

The simple version is that my bf did something horrible that broke my trust in him (not cheating), and I should have ended it right then, I was wrong not to. I was 20 and honestly thought people in love just stayed together and worked through whatever it was. We barely saw each other because of our different schedules, so it was easy to carry on.

I had a small crush on someone I worked with and knew he was into me, too. He cared, was ambitious, and made me laugh. We would go to parties with work friends and end up talking on the couch all night until sunrise. He hosted a dinner and I stayed when everyone else left. I ended up falling asleep on his chest, in his bed during a movie. We didn't hook up or anything but I woke up the next morning knowing I wanted THAT every day. The next day I broke up with my boyfriend and told him about the night before when he asked. He didn't believe that we just slept, but he realized I liked the guy more than some random, and that must have hurt.

Anyway, that 'crush' is sleeping next to me right now, 12 years later, happily married.