Babies, the blabbering bundles of bliss! What our lives would be without their fat cannoli legs, bald oddly-shaped heads, hilariously tiny chubby fingers, the softest butts imaginable, and a stream of subconscious gibberish pouring from their toothless mouths? Probably sleeping soundly through the night, not scrubbing off puke from our favorite T-shirts, and not stepping into puddles of unknown origin with our warmest plushie socks. This duality of human babies and the inherently different likes and dislikes shared with their adult life-givers (starting with the love and hate for naps and ending with favorite foods) are the greatest conflicts known for any scriptwriter, movie director, and jokester. Thus, there’s no surprise that jokes dedicated to babies are aplenty and are simply the greatest. At least to the parents, because babies haven’t declared their positions on the matter as of yet, and we cannot speak in their place.
So, baby jokes - some are dedicated to their creepy laughs, others to their sense of fashion, and of course, there are the ones talking about their eating habits. However, you must believe that all these baby puns and jokes definitely came straight out of somebody’s experience of raising their spawn, so besides being funny, they are also good material on what to expect when you have your own tiny human. Unimaginably, it is not all fun and games! Who could’ve thought?!
Anyway, prepare to laugh rambunctiously at the hilarious jokes you’re about to find just a couple of inches below. Just be sure to contain it if you have a soundly sleeping baby next to you, or he’ll be the one that’s bellowing but for slightly different reasons than you. After you’re done skimming through these funny baby jokes, vote for the ones that hit closest to home and share this article with your friends!
#141
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didn't have teddy bears. Know why? He had real bears.
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#142

How can you tell if a snake is a baby? It has a rattle.
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#143
How did the baby know she was ready to be born? She was running out of womb.
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#144
What do you do with a fussy baby? You pacify it.
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#145

How did Batman decorate baby Robin’s crib? With a bat mobile.
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#146
Did you hear about the baby born in a high-tech hospital? It came out cordless.
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#147
How warm is a baby at birth? Womb temperature.
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#148

I told my friends a joke about birth complications, but no one laughed. It must have come out wrong.
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#149
Do I have to have a baby shower? Not if you change the baby’s diaper quickly.
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#150
Willy: “Mom, are our neighbors poor people?” Mother: “I don’t think so, Willy. Why do you ask?” Willy: “Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin.”
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#151

My partner is so negative… I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag… But all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
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#152
How many infants does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just points at it and cries until his caregiver does it for him.
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#153
What is a baby bee? A little humbug.
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#154

I would make a joke about newborns… But the delivery would be too painful.
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#155
What did the papa jar say when he first held his newborn baby? “Mason!”
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#156
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky? I guess you can say the baby was airborne.
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#157

How can you tell the gender of a baby? If he cries it’s a boy. If she cries, it’s a girl.
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#158
Have you heard about the lady that traveled to the ocean when she was having her baby? She probably needed a sea section.
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#159
Where do all the fish babies sleep? They sleep in bass-inets.
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#160

What would you call a cow who just had a baby? She'd be a new moother.
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