“He Threw It Out The Window”: 58 People Share The Things Their Partners Don’t Know They Know

Many of us reading these stories are probably thinking, “Nah, I don’t hide anything from my partner. They know me inside and out.” But what if we told you that you’re probably wrong?

Research led by Dr. Michael Slepian at Columbia Business School surveyed 50,000 participants worldwide and found that the average person has roughly 13 secrets at any given moment. About five of these have never been shared with anyone, not even a partner or a therapist.

Curiously, Slepian’s research also showed that secrecy is an intrinsic part of human nature rather than an anomaly.

So, when someone discovers that their partner secretly listens to show tunes, burps when they think no one is watching, or hides something from them, they’re not witnessing anything out of the ordinary. On the contrary, it’s perfectly common for people to keep things to themselves, especially when they’re something as trivial as these little habits.

But what actually makes someone keep a secret that isn't theirs? Even if it’s not something like passing gas or sneaking food while hiding?

Well, Slepian’s research might offer an explanation. The study found that the emotional fatigue of keeping a secret doesn't come from hiding, but rather from repeatedly thinking about it when no one is around. So, if someone discovers their partner's secret, they might realize that unless it's actively causing them harm, confronting them could simply introduce unnecessary anxiety into an otherwise non-issue.

Then there's also the secondhand embarrassment that makes many of these stories seem so wholesome. Let's say your partner likes to dance alone in the living room every night but has never told you. You know it happens, but you choose not to mention it. This is called civil inattention.

Coined by sociologist Erving Goffman, the term describes how people actively notice something awkward or private about someone else but deliberately pretend not to see it to preserve the other person's dignity and even maintain social harmony. In long-term relationships, this happens all the time, like when you choose not to call out your partner for definitely eating the last donut.