It's no secret that the bar is already set quite low for boyfriends. Back in the day, men were expected to put a lot of time and effort into wooing a potential future wife. Nowadays, a 2am "WYD??" text is the most that some guys are willing to offer in exchange for a second or third date. They get heaps of praise if they bother to shower before said date. And a gold medal if, after months of shacking up together, they are decent enough to put their own dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
And before the "not all men" crowd gets their panties in a knot: we already know that some guys are truly amazing. But it doesn't change the fact that the bar is on the floor. Perhaps the saddest part of all is that some men can't even reach that.
Dozens of dudes have unknowingly been competing for the "World's Worst Boyfriend Award" recently and Bored Panda has narrowed down the list to a few worthy nominations that really stand out. Upvote the ones that make staying perpetually single sound like a brilliant idea.
#21 AITA - I Asked My Boyfriend When The Last Time He Brushed His Teeth Was
My boyfriend recently moved in with me and I noticed that he never brushes his teeth at night, I asked him how often he brushes his teeth and he said once a day, specifically in the mornings. I told him that I honestly find it a bit gross because we kiss. He said that that makes sense but I dont think hes brushing his teeth any more. Just now (at midnight) I asked him when the last time he brushed his teeth was, he said this morning and then said that that was an [mean] question. Am I the [jerk]?
4points
#22 AITA For Getting Mad At My Boyfriend For Touching Me After I Told Him To Stop?
I 21F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for 2 years now, and we live together.
This morning, we had just woken up and were being lazy, lying in bed and cuddling like we usually do. Everything was fine until he started squeezing my stomach.
For context, I am chubby and have a belly. I’ve recently started going to the gym and meal prepping because I’m not happy with my body and am very insecure about it.
He kept squeezing my stomach even though I told him no multiple times. Eventually, I reached my limit, pushed his hands away, and moved to the other side of the bed. I basically threw myself against the wall to get away from him.
Even after that, he continued trying to touch me, so I finally said, “Get away from me.”
He eventually stopped and started scrolling on his phone. After about 4–5 minutes, he said he was going to get up. I just said, “Okay,” and continued facing away from him.
He then asked me what was wrong, and I told him, “You kept squeezing my stomach after I told you no.”
He gave me what felt like a half-[baked] “I’m sorry,” and I just said, “Okay.”
I stayed on my side of the bed because I was still upset. I didn’t want him touching me, and honestly, I didn’t know what else to say or do.
I know he might not have meant anything bad by it, but I’m already very insecure about my stomach, and having him repeatedly squeeze it after I told him to stop really upset me.
Now I’m sitting here wondering if I overreacted by pushing him away and not wanting him near me.
So, AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend and not wanting him to touch me after he repeatedly ignored me saying no?
This morning, we had just woken up and were being lazy, lying in bed and cuddling like we usually do. Everything was fine until he started squeezing my stomach.
For context, I am chubby and have a belly. I’ve recently started going to the gym and meal prepping because I’m not happy with my body and am very insecure about it.
He kept squeezing my stomach even though I told him no multiple times. Eventually, I reached my limit, pushed his hands away, and moved to the other side of the bed. I basically threw myself against the wall to get away from him.
Even after that, he continued trying to touch me, so I finally said, “Get away from me.”
He eventually stopped and started scrolling on his phone. After about 4–5 minutes, he said he was going to get up. I just said, “Okay,” and continued facing away from him.
He then asked me what was wrong, and I told him, “You kept squeezing my stomach after I told you no.”
He gave me what felt like a half-[baked] “I’m sorry,” and I just said, “Okay.”
I stayed on my side of the bed because I was still upset. I didn’t want him touching me, and honestly, I didn’t know what else to say or do.
I know he might not have meant anything bad by it, but I’m already very insecure about my stomach, and having him repeatedly squeeze it after I told him to stop really upset me.
Now I’m sitting here wondering if I overreacted by pushing him away and not wanting him near me.
So, AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend and not wanting him to touch me after he repeatedly ignored me saying no?
4points
#23 My BF [33m] Seems To Be Having An Identity Crisis Because I, [30f] Am A Medical Resident
I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, and he recently changed behavior. Ever since I started residency he’s been mentioning how “it must be nice” to be in medicine and how I’m “the real alpha” in the house because I will be making more money down the line.
I’m exhausted, I don’t come from any money, I’m in student loan debt. He argues back he has the same amount of student debt and won’t be able to pay it off or provide for me.
He’s debating on applying to medical school because it’s something he’s always wanted to do. He was accepted into dental school last year but turned it down because he felt like he would be settling.
What the hell do I do to manage this? Is this even sustainable? I’m exhausted everyday from my crazy schedule now and it’s just comments I don’t need. I had helped him pay for dental applications and a lot of other life things. Life is hard and he deserves to be where he wants but damn I’m exhausted.
TLDR; my boyfriends ego is ruining our relationship, trying to work through if it’s temporary or if it actually won’t work.
I’m exhausted, I don’t come from any money, I’m in student loan debt. He argues back he has the same amount of student debt and won’t be able to pay it off or provide for me.
He’s debating on applying to medical school because it’s something he’s always wanted to do. He was accepted into dental school last year but turned it down because he felt like he would be settling.
What the hell do I do to manage this? Is this even sustainable? I’m exhausted everyday from my crazy schedule now and it’s just comments I don’t need. I had helped him pay for dental applications and a lot of other life things. Life is hard and he deserves to be where he wants but damn I’m exhausted.
TLDR; my boyfriends ego is ruining our relationship, trying to work through if it’s temporary or if it actually won’t work.
4points
#24 I [30f] Am Concerned About My Boyfriend's [35m] Comments To His Coworker [30sf]
I [30F] recently had a discussion with my partner [35M] about needing more compliments and verbal affirmations from him. We've been together for nearly 2 years, and he doesnt really compliment me or acknowledge how I look that often, usually unless I ask.
He does show me how much he loves me in so many other ways, our relationship is pretty solid. We are both also healing from past toxic relationships, he has been in therapy for many years, so communication is actively being worked on and overall we do talk things out really well. So, I try not to take it hard when he doesn't compliment me, considering he shows me and tells me he loves me and is dedicated to me every day.
But, lately, I've noticed he compliments our female coworker more often than me (we met at work and work together closely). He complimented her earrings, and he's never commented on my jewelry. Then, the other day, right after we clocked in and I walked away from him and turned a corner, I heard him say to her, "Woah what're you doing tonight? Got some jean action going on today?" and I dont know if it's just how he said it or... but idk it feels very... suggestive? Flirty? I'm not sure why he felt the need to say it or say it in that way. I also see them talk very often, and she will playfully touch him on the arm while she laughs, and he will touch her on the arm back.
I feel insecure and crazy for being uncomfortable and even typing this post out, but at the same time I know I would never act the same way.
To be clear, I have no problem with complimenting others in general, as he compliments men as well, and I compliment people too. I actually love how generous and uplifting he is to everyone his friends and everyone around him. But I wish he'd lift me up more than them, and in front of our coworkers. It feels weird to be next to him when he compliments these women, but they never see him compliment me... but maybe I only feel that way bc he doesnt compliment me in general?
Either way, I plan to have another conversation with him. I just want to see if anyone can relate to my experience and talked to their partner about their feelings, and how that talk went.
TLDR: Asked my boyfriend to give me more verbal affirmation. Instead I hear him compliment our coworkers, making me feel uncomfortable and like there might be an inappropriate relationship starting between them. Looking for outside perspective.
He does show me how much he loves me in so many other ways, our relationship is pretty solid. We are both also healing from past toxic relationships, he has been in therapy for many years, so communication is actively being worked on and overall we do talk things out really well. So, I try not to take it hard when he doesn't compliment me, considering he shows me and tells me he loves me and is dedicated to me every day.
But, lately, I've noticed he compliments our female coworker more often than me (we met at work and work together closely). He complimented her earrings, and he's never commented on my jewelry. Then, the other day, right after we clocked in and I walked away from him and turned a corner, I heard him say to her, "Woah what're you doing tonight? Got some jean action going on today?" and I dont know if it's just how he said it or... but idk it feels very... suggestive? Flirty? I'm not sure why he felt the need to say it or say it in that way. I also see them talk very often, and she will playfully touch him on the arm while she laughs, and he will touch her on the arm back.
I feel insecure and crazy for being uncomfortable and even typing this post out, but at the same time I know I would never act the same way.
To be clear, I have no problem with complimenting others in general, as he compliments men as well, and I compliment people too. I actually love how generous and uplifting he is to everyone his friends and everyone around him. But I wish he'd lift me up more than them, and in front of our coworkers. It feels weird to be next to him when he compliments these women, but they never see him compliment me... but maybe I only feel that way bc he doesnt compliment me in general?
Either way, I plan to have another conversation with him. I just want to see if anyone can relate to my experience and talked to their partner about their feelings, and how that talk went.
TLDR: Asked my boyfriend to give me more verbal affirmation. Instead I hear him compliment our coworkers, making me feel uncomfortable and like there might be an inappropriate relationship starting between them. Looking for outside perspective.
4points
#25 WIBTAH If I Broke Up With My Boyfriend Over This…?
I (18F) and my (22M) boyfriend have been dating for over 3 months now and for the most part everything is going really good! A few months ago he went silent, didn’t text/call me for like 40hrs, as I am still young and kinda stupid I start calling and texting him over and over again, and when he finally answered he said “ I don’t have an excuse, I turned off my phone and I’m sorry for scaring you. I love you” that was fine, obviously I was still mad but it was whatever, after that I told him I don’t care what you do just communicate with me, you don’t have to text me for the whole day, just let me know that your fine before disappearing. He said that it would never happen again, and where I am waiting like a dog for this man to text me, it’s been close to 24hrs and I’m worried about him, he promised that he would text me if he ever planned on going in dnd for a day. He has yet to text me, I thought he maybe just slept in a lot because we were on call till 3am but I have yet to hear from this man. So would I be a total [jerk] if I broke up with him? I don’t wanna be in a relationship where a boundary that I set is being broken, all I asked for was a simple text and he can’t even do that!
Im just feeling a little lost and would like some advice from someone who is a little bit older and had a fully developed brain lol
Im just feeling a little lost and would like some advice from someone who is a little bit older and had a fully developed brain lol
4points
#26 AITA For Getting Angry That My Boyfriend Entered My 3-Year-Old Son Into A LEGO Competition And Put Down Sets For Himself?
My boyfriend not is not my son’s father (this is important). My son is 3.
A toy store was holding a competition where you could enter a child to win LEGO sets worth up to $1,500. You could list up to 10 sets, including their names and product numbers.
My boyfriend entered my son without asking me first. The form had a checkbox stating something along the lines of, “I, as the child’s parent/guardian, consent to my child participating.” He checked it and wrote down his own name.
However, that’s not what made me angry.
FIVE OUT OF THE TEN SETS HE LISTED WERE FOR HIMSELF.
And no, these weren’t sets he planned to build with my son. They were genuinely for himself to build and keep at his own apartment.
When I questioned him, he explained that he wanted to get as close to the $1,500 prize limit as possible. He also planned to enter my son into another competition at a different store, listing only sets for him there.
I understand his logic to an extent, but I still have a problem with it. Even if my son won both competitions, my boyfriend would still have used half the slots in the first competition to potentially win himself LEGO.
To me, it feels like using an opportunity intended for a child to get free stuff for yourself. My son could have had five more sets listed for him instead.
I know winning isn’t guaranteed, so I can’t literally say anything was stolen from him. But it’s the principle of it. Why use a competition entered in a child’s name to win things for yourself that you’ll keep at your own place?
I also got incredibly angry, to the point where I was physically shaking. I didn’t yell, swear at him, or call him names, but I told him I was absolutely livid.
I made it clear that I thought the original idea was lovely and appreciated that he wanted to get LEGO for my son. I would even have agreed to the entry if he’d asked me first!
My issue was that he consented to the competition as a guardian, despite not being my son’s father, and that he used half the available slots for his own personal collection.
I’m autistic, and sometimes I struggle to judge whether my reactions are proportionate, which is why I’m asking here.
Am I overreacting? Is his explanation reasonable, or is it selfish to use half of a child’s competition entry to potentially win things for yourself, even if you plan to enter the child into another competition afterwards?
A toy store was holding a competition where you could enter a child to win LEGO sets worth up to $1,500. You could list up to 10 sets, including their names and product numbers.
My boyfriend entered my son without asking me first. The form had a checkbox stating something along the lines of, “I, as the child’s parent/guardian, consent to my child participating.” He checked it and wrote down his own name.
However, that’s not what made me angry.
FIVE OUT OF THE TEN SETS HE LISTED WERE FOR HIMSELF.
And no, these weren’t sets he planned to build with my son. They were genuinely for himself to build and keep at his own apartment.
When I questioned him, he explained that he wanted to get as close to the $1,500 prize limit as possible. He also planned to enter my son into another competition at a different store, listing only sets for him there.
I understand his logic to an extent, but I still have a problem with it. Even if my son won both competitions, my boyfriend would still have used half the slots in the first competition to potentially win himself LEGO.
To me, it feels like using an opportunity intended for a child to get free stuff for yourself. My son could have had five more sets listed for him instead.
I know winning isn’t guaranteed, so I can’t literally say anything was stolen from him. But it’s the principle of it. Why use a competition entered in a child’s name to win things for yourself that you’ll keep at your own place?
I also got incredibly angry, to the point where I was physically shaking. I didn’t yell, swear at him, or call him names, but I told him I was absolutely livid.
I made it clear that I thought the original idea was lovely and appreciated that he wanted to get LEGO for my son. I would even have agreed to the entry if he’d asked me first!
My issue was that he consented to the competition as a guardian, despite not being my son’s father, and that he used half the available slots for his own personal collection.
I’m autistic, and sometimes I struggle to judge whether my reactions are proportionate, which is why I’m asking here.
Am I overreacting? Is his explanation reasonable, or is it selfish to use half of a child’s competition entry to potentially win things for yourself, even if you plan to enter the child into another competition afterwards?
3points
#27 My [21f] Boyfriend [21m] And I Have Different Views On Working Out, And I’m Not Sure How To Look At The Situation
I, [21F] and my boyfriend, [21M] have been together for a year now.
A couple of weeks ago, he suggested that I start working out with him, and that he opted not to go to a gym so we could go to a park and workout together. I'm not really a person who works out or is into fitness a lot, but I didn't think it was a bad idea because I would get to spend time with him as well and it could be fun.
We were just discussing it and he suddenly says "I want a partner who works out and is into fitness". This was the first time I'd heard him say something like that, in the past one year he had not once mentioned something about him wanting an active partner.
I just sort of paused and told him that if he wanted someone like that, he should've decided that a year ago before dating me and if he wanted one still, he was free to find someone like that. He got pissed at me and told me I take things very negatively and no part of what he said suggests that he wants another partner, and that I should know him well enough by now. I tried explaining to him that it's not what he said, it's how he said it. I was really open to the idea of working out together with him and had no problem whatsoever, in fact I was looking forward to it. But what he said kind of hurt me, and I did try explaining it to him, but he kept telling me that I take things way too negatively and something he never meant to come across like that is taken in such a bad way. He also said that even if he wants a partner who is into fitness, getting into fitness isn't a bad thing in itself and would only benefit me. However, the way he communicated this made me feel like he was pointing out something about me that he wasn't satisfied with, rather than simply encouraging me to try something new.
I'm just seeking some advice, what would you feel or do if you were in a similar situation? Because I feel his side is valid but at the same time I can't decide if mine is as well.
TLDR: My (21F) boyfriend (21M) and I have been together for a year. He suggested we start working out together, which I was happy about, but then he said he wants a partner who works out and is into fitness. This hurt me because he'd never mentioned it before, and I told him he should've considered that before dating me. He got upset and said I was taking his words too negatively, insisting he didn't mean it that way.
A couple of weeks ago, he suggested that I start working out with him, and that he opted not to go to a gym so we could go to a park and workout together. I'm not really a person who works out or is into fitness a lot, but I didn't think it was a bad idea because I would get to spend time with him as well and it could be fun.
We were just discussing it and he suddenly says "I want a partner who works out and is into fitness". This was the first time I'd heard him say something like that, in the past one year he had not once mentioned something about him wanting an active partner.
I just sort of paused and told him that if he wanted someone like that, he should've decided that a year ago before dating me and if he wanted one still, he was free to find someone like that. He got pissed at me and told me I take things very negatively and no part of what he said suggests that he wants another partner, and that I should know him well enough by now. I tried explaining to him that it's not what he said, it's how he said it. I was really open to the idea of working out together with him and had no problem whatsoever, in fact I was looking forward to it. But what he said kind of hurt me, and I did try explaining it to him, but he kept telling me that I take things way too negatively and something he never meant to come across like that is taken in such a bad way. He also said that even if he wants a partner who is into fitness, getting into fitness isn't a bad thing in itself and would only benefit me. However, the way he communicated this made me feel like he was pointing out something about me that he wasn't satisfied with, rather than simply encouraging me to try something new.
I'm just seeking some advice, what would you feel or do if you were in a similar situation? Because I feel his side is valid but at the same time I can't decide if mine is as well.
TLDR: My (21F) boyfriend (21M) and I have been together for a year. He suggested we start working out together, which I was happy about, but then he said he wants a partner who works out and is into fitness. This hurt me because he'd never mentioned it before, and I told him he should've considered that before dating me. He got upset and said I was taking his words too negatively, insisting he didn't mean it that way.
3points
#28 Am I Fat Or Is My BF A Jerk
Back story I am 5’4 and weighed 250 when I met my boyfriend, early this year, he knew what I looked like I didn’t catfish and we spent basically a whole weekend going on dates and just hanging out talking and kissing. He asked me to be his gf at the end of the weekend which can be seen as fast but we both view getting to know someone as apart of dating.
Three month into our relationship he confessed he wasn’t as attracted to me as he wanted to be and didn’t really want to [be intimate] and that he felt like a [jerk] and wanted to go back to the dating apps. We broke up lol obviously and he came the next weekend to drop off my stuff which ended in getting back together and [being intimate] that day. Though we broke up a month and a half later because he didn’t want to have [be intimate] or be with me that doing other things wasn’t the same as [being intimate] and he wanted to be with someone he wants to have [be intimate] with.
During this time I was losing weight for myself not him or the relationship. I gained the weight due to an injury and losing my mom and always talked about losing it and just never did. I promised myself this year I would do it and I had told him that prior to getting together I wanted to do this. He said he couldn’t stand by me while I lost and thought he could that he felt [bad] and that I deserved better and he deserved to be single. I didn’t fight him I didn’t have a conversation about it because I was so drained. I stayed because I was falling in love from what I tell you it sounds like he is an awful person but he wasn’t and we both were compatible outside the bedroom for him I guess.
As of today I have officially lost over 40 pounds and still want to lose 20 more for myself I feel great and on my way to being slim thick like I used to be. I haven’t been on dates just focused on myself. I haven’t posted myself at all and he hit me up wanting to see me and try again that we had something really special and that he misses me. Idk what to do because I want to be with someone I love and care about but I also don’t want to be with someone who uses my weight as a weapon.
Three month into our relationship he confessed he wasn’t as attracted to me as he wanted to be and didn’t really want to [be intimate] and that he felt like a [jerk] and wanted to go back to the dating apps. We broke up lol obviously and he came the next weekend to drop off my stuff which ended in getting back together and [being intimate] that day. Though we broke up a month and a half later because he didn’t want to have [be intimate] or be with me that doing other things wasn’t the same as [being intimate] and he wanted to be with someone he wants to have [be intimate] with.
During this time I was losing weight for myself not him or the relationship. I gained the weight due to an injury and losing my mom and always talked about losing it and just never did. I promised myself this year I would do it and I had told him that prior to getting together I wanted to do this. He said he couldn’t stand by me while I lost and thought he could that he felt [bad] and that I deserved better and he deserved to be single. I didn’t fight him I didn’t have a conversation about it because I was so drained. I stayed because I was falling in love from what I tell you it sounds like he is an awful person but he wasn’t and we both were compatible outside the bedroom for him I guess.
As of today I have officially lost over 40 pounds and still want to lose 20 more for myself I feel great and on my way to being slim thick like I used to be. I haven’t been on dates just focused on myself. I haven’t posted myself at all and he hit me up wanting to see me and try again that we had something really special and that he misses me. Idk what to do because I want to be with someone I love and care about but I also don’t want to be with someone who uses my weight as a weapon.
3points
#29 AITAH For Ignoring My Boyfriend Calls And Texts After He Tried To Start Drama With His Ex?
We ran into his ex girlfriend at the mall and I knew it was her because my boyfriends mood dropped all of a sudden . We was having a good day and he turned into somebody I had never seen before . He was So angry. Started screaming at her was like “” you took me for granted see this girl I’m standing with right now. She’s the real deal . A queen and I’m going to give her everything . I’m going to give her the life you wanted all the vacations cars and everything . I told my boyfriend “ can you please stop . She didn’t even say anything to you and you made it your duty to walk over to her for what reason ?! “ I told him leave the past in the past . He’s with me and in love with me I don’t doubt that he’s in love with me but I really don’t want any problems with his ex . I don’t understand why he had to try to stir up trouble with his ex . He could have kept walking and ignored her presence.
My boyfriend told me “ she did me so dirty. She slept with another man right before I was going to propose to her. I even bought her the ring . Was gon purpose that same day. Imagine somebody looking you straight in the face telling you that they love you and then they do you like that. I would’ve never done that to her “ . I told my boyfriend “ I understand she hurt you but it’s been so many years since y’all broke up and you moved on . You might need therapy to help you overcome this . But causing a scene with your ex in public is not okay “
The only thing his ex said was “ I’m glad you are happy now and your lady is beautiful” and he screamed at her again saying “ yes she is beautiful . I’m never going back to you ever. I got a good thing going on with my girl . She uplifts me and encourages me. Hope you know and understand that.” And I told my boyfriend again please stop trying to start stuff with her. I’m pretty sure that girl isn’t thinking about him . She seemed to be minding her buisness until my boyfriend started trying to torment her on purpose .
Now I’m second guessing my relationship with him . I’m glad he loves me and thinks highly of me and isn’t trying to get her back . But on the other hand I don’t wanna be with someone who instigated drama with his ex years after they broke up. He refuses therapy says he doesn’t need it also
He’s been calling me and texting me but haven’t answered because I’m unsure what to do or where to go from here
My boyfriend told me “ she did me so dirty. She slept with another man right before I was going to propose to her. I even bought her the ring . Was gon purpose that same day. Imagine somebody looking you straight in the face telling you that they love you and then they do you like that. I would’ve never done that to her “ . I told my boyfriend “ I understand she hurt you but it’s been so many years since y’all broke up and you moved on . You might need therapy to help you overcome this . But causing a scene with your ex in public is not okay “
The only thing his ex said was “ I’m glad you are happy now and your lady is beautiful” and he screamed at her again saying “ yes she is beautiful . I’m never going back to you ever. I got a good thing going on with my girl . She uplifts me and encourages me. Hope you know and understand that.” And I told my boyfriend again please stop trying to start stuff with her. I’m pretty sure that girl isn’t thinking about him . She seemed to be minding her buisness until my boyfriend started trying to torment her on purpose .
Now I’m second guessing my relationship with him . I’m glad he loves me and thinks highly of me and isn’t trying to get her back . But on the other hand I don’t wanna be with someone who instigated drama with his ex years after they broke up. He refuses therapy says he doesn’t need it also
He’s been calling me and texting me but haven’t answered because I’m unsure what to do or where to go from here
3points
#30 Expectations Too High? [28f] [30m]
[F28] have been with my boyfriend [M31] for almost three years now. This is an intercultural relationship. I moved here and met him a year later. He was born in this country and has lived here all his life so naturally, as part of getting used to living here, I have familiarized myself with the culture and language here, and I would do so even if he wasn't in the picture. But I feel like he hasn't put any effort into getting to know my culture at all. This was fine for the first couple of years, but had started to bother me recently, especially when I see other inter-cultural couples who have been dating for shorter than we have, but the foreign partner already knows so much more than mine does. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but I see it too often to ignore. I have communicated this multiple times and have only seen one effort, which was him trying (and failing) to make a dish from my culture. I actually appreciated the effort.
He is overall a great person and a very accompanying partner with a healthy lifestyle, and we have fun together, but I have been thinking about our relationship when we're not together and there are some instances and feelings that I just can't ignore. I can't help but feel that I'm just a milestone on his "life checklist", as in you graduate high school, go to uni, get a job, get a girlfriend, and that he's never taken the time to know me. This might sound a bit silly but I don't feel like he's curious enough about me. In addition to the culture issue, I have a private substack account that I've been writing in for years which he knows about, but has not once asked to read it. I have many more instances of similar nonchalant behaviors. What triggered writing this post is another post I saw on reddit of a woman saying she didn't get pictures of her with her newborn at the hospital because her boyfriend didn't even think about it, and for a second I thought that was going to be my future and I'm gonna end up heartbroken at different stages of life and carry this emotional weight with me.
I don't see myself having the energy to date again. I can't imagine myself asking for someone's favorite color all over again. I want a family in the future and I keep feeling like time is running out.
So I guess my questions and what I need advice on are:
Am I being immature and are my expectations too high?
Is it too late for me?
TLDR: Boyfriend is nonchalant. Am I being insane?
He is overall a great person and a very accompanying partner with a healthy lifestyle, and we have fun together, but I have been thinking about our relationship when we're not together and there are some instances and feelings that I just can't ignore. I can't help but feel that I'm just a milestone on his "life checklist", as in you graduate high school, go to uni, get a job, get a girlfriend, and that he's never taken the time to know me. This might sound a bit silly but I don't feel like he's curious enough about me. In addition to the culture issue, I have a private substack account that I've been writing in for years which he knows about, but has not once asked to read it. I have many more instances of similar nonchalant behaviors. What triggered writing this post is another post I saw on reddit of a woman saying she didn't get pictures of her with her newborn at the hospital because her boyfriend didn't even think about it, and for a second I thought that was going to be my future and I'm gonna end up heartbroken at different stages of life and carry this emotional weight with me.
I don't see myself having the energy to date again. I can't imagine myself asking for someone's favorite color all over again. I want a family in the future and I keep feeling like time is running out.
So I guess my questions and what I need advice on are:
Am I being immature and are my expectations too high?
Is it too late for me?
TLDR: Boyfriend is nonchalant. Am I being insane?
2points
#31 I Love My Boyfriend [21m] [20f] But He’s Not Thoughtful And Rarely Pays
My boyfriend, [21M ]and me, [20F] have been together for nearly a year now, I do really love him. However, he definitely has a spending issue and it has not been on me, which is fair enough as it is his money. He will constantly do things with his friends then when I ask he will say he can’t as he has no money. We recently had a big discussion about this and he thinks I’m trying to be “materialistic” and is telling me I am making him feel like he’s not enough. He eventually understood my side and said he is going to stop going out as he knows he has no money and try and save and be more financially responsible. I also lent him money to pay off his debts as I want to get him out this loop which he will pay me in instalments. He keeps getting my hopes up with activities and then saying we can’t do them. For example, there is this concert I wanted to go to and he knew that so he was going to pay for us to get us tickets, however last minute he said he doesn’t rlly want to spend the money on the tickets as he is trying to be more financially responsible.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
I feel like I’m being a brat. I just want to know am I the [jerk] for wanting experiences paid for and surprises? I’m not asking for the newest shoes or a designer bag, I literally just want like a few surprise nights away or like a bouquet of handpicked or like a nice meal even taking me on a drive to watch a Sunset or something just thoughtful things I want and the concert thing made me really happy but then I felt let down and disappointed in myself for even getting my hopes up.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
I feel like I’m being a brat. I just want to know am I the [jerk] for wanting experiences paid for and surprises? I’m not asking for the newest shoes or a designer bag, I literally just want like a few surprise nights away or like a bouquet of handpicked or like a nice meal even taking me on a drive to watch a Sunset or something just thoughtful things I want and the concert thing made me really happy but then I felt let down and disappointed in myself for even getting my hopes up.
2points
#32 AITA For Insulting My Boyfriend's English?
I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for two years. He is originally from France but lives in the US. His English is pretty good and he's able to have most conversations just fine, of course he does have an accent and makes occasional grammatical errors, but overall it's pretty good and easy to understand.
I have been learning French for four years since my freshman year in college and I studied abroad in Paris so I have a decent grasp on the language. I speak with him in French often because it's his first language so of course he doesn't mind, and I want to improve.
But he corrects my French constantly. From my experience in France it does seem correcting people is a bit more common, and when I studied abroad, I got corrected by French people all the time even for minor errors. I know he's not trying to be mean and I do appreciate it sometimes. But there's a difference between correcting someone when they ask for advice on how to phrase something or what word to use and interrupting a conversation to point out a mistake that doesn't actually affect your understanding of what they're saying.
In my experience, it's not really considered polite in the US to correct an English-learner if they make a small mistake. The mindset is more "if it doesn't hinder my understanding, it doesn't really matter".
I've mentioned this to my boyfriend before that he maybe should chill out a bit as if he were to do this to someone else they might perceive him as rude.
Yesterday I was having dinner with him and I was saying something and said like un femme instead of une femme and he interrupted me mid point and corrected that. Obviously I know that the word femme in french is feminine, it's one of the first words you learn and it's quite obvious given the fact it means woman.
I was annoyed because I was talking about something serious. I switched back to English and said that his English isn't as good as he thinks it is and there's tons of stuff he says wrong yet I don't correct him. I also said that we live in the US so I really don't have any need to speak French so I frankly do not give a sh*t about sounding native if people can understand me.
He got really quiet after that. Later, he told me that what I said was cruel because he worked hard to learn English and that "English is harder than French" so I shouldn't be disparaging his. I told him that I wasn't trying to insult his English and it was pretty good, I just wanted him to feel how I felt when he constantly interrupts me.
Now I think I may have crossed a line and been a bit too harsh. I do think his English is good enough, and I don't usually notice or care about his mistakes. I was just quite frustrated and wanted him to understand my point, but I can see how what I said might have sounded like I was belittling something he's worked hard on.
AITA?
I have been learning French for four years since my freshman year in college and I studied abroad in Paris so I have a decent grasp on the language. I speak with him in French often because it's his first language so of course he doesn't mind, and I want to improve.
But he corrects my French constantly. From my experience in France it does seem correcting people is a bit more common, and when I studied abroad, I got corrected by French people all the time even for minor errors. I know he's not trying to be mean and I do appreciate it sometimes. But there's a difference between correcting someone when they ask for advice on how to phrase something or what word to use and interrupting a conversation to point out a mistake that doesn't actually affect your understanding of what they're saying.
In my experience, it's not really considered polite in the US to correct an English-learner if they make a small mistake. The mindset is more "if it doesn't hinder my understanding, it doesn't really matter".
I've mentioned this to my boyfriend before that he maybe should chill out a bit as if he were to do this to someone else they might perceive him as rude.
Yesterday I was having dinner with him and I was saying something and said like un femme instead of une femme and he interrupted me mid point and corrected that. Obviously I know that the word femme in french is feminine, it's one of the first words you learn and it's quite obvious given the fact it means woman.
I was annoyed because I was talking about something serious. I switched back to English and said that his English isn't as good as he thinks it is and there's tons of stuff he says wrong yet I don't correct him. I also said that we live in the US so I really don't have any need to speak French so I frankly do not give a sh*t about sounding native if people can understand me.
He got really quiet after that. Later, he told me that what I said was cruel because he worked hard to learn English and that "English is harder than French" so I shouldn't be disparaging his. I told him that I wasn't trying to insult his English and it was pretty good, I just wanted him to feel how I felt when he constantly interrupts me.
Now I think I may have crossed a line and been a bit too harsh. I do think his English is good enough, and I don't usually notice or care about his mistakes. I was just quite frustrated and wanted him to understand my point, but I can see how what I said might have sounded like I was belittling something he's worked hard on.
AITA?
1point
