“He Took The Ring Back”: 32 Boyfriends Who Were A Walking Red Flag This October

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for almost 3 years. We live together, our families know each other, all that stuff. A few weeks ago, I went to his work event with him. One of his coworkers came over and asked who I was, and my boyfriend just went Oh, that's my roommate. I literally laughed because I thought he was joking. When I asked him about it later, he said he doesn't like people at work knowing his personal business.

Then last weekend we went to another work dinner and he did the exact same thing AGAIN. And apparently everyone at his office thinks he's single?? Like, what? I asked him why he even brings me to these things if he's gonna pretend I'm just some girl who splits rent with him. He got annoyed and said I'm overthinking it and trying to start drama over nothing.

I'm not asking him to introduce me as the love of his life or anything lol. But we've been together for THREE YEARS. Being called his roommate in front of everyone honestly feels pretty [awful].

Am I being dramatic or is this actually as weird as it sounds?

I (22F) have been with my bf (26M) for 2 years now and he has done this thing maybe 5 times in the time we've been together where he would fake choke to see if I cared. It's always been obvious he's faking and I never really took it seriously and just thought it was a joke so I would always laugh it off. He kinda seemed annoyed after but always brushed it off.

Earlier today he done it again and I just didn't do anything about it. He got really upset this time and it turned into a full blown argument. He thinks if he was really choking I wouldn't care and would just let him die. Obviously I would care and in a real emergency I would take it seriously and make sure he was okay. I tried to explain this but because I didn't take his fake choking seriously he believes this is how I would truly react if he was really choking. He won't believe anything I say anymore.

I am genuinely baffled at this situation, it reminds me of when your a kid and you fake drowned to see if anyone cares so I can only see his behavior as immature. I really can't take it seriously. Even if I did play along to make him feel better I would be faking it too so whats the point?

AITA for not taking it seriously?

Me (f24) and my bf (m22) have been together. coming up on three years. During this time, I was getting a master's degree in criminal justice. i graduated in may and he missed it due to falling asleep after his 12 hr night shift. we had some issues due to it but moved on from it.

Last night we were at dinner, and the topic of my degrees came up again. At first, it seemed like he just thought my degree was in psychology. A common misconception because my bachelor's is in psychology. I thought it was weird but didn’t immediately get mad. Then it turned out he didn’t even know i had a masters. I immediately got quiet and started crying in the car. He asked why i was crying which led to an argument and him yelling at me and trying to tell me i never in the three years we were together told him i was getting a masters in criminal justice. Which I know is not true bc i will tell anyone who listens. I am extremely proud of my degrees and the effort i put forth to obtain them. i got quiet again and didn’t speak after that. a few hours later he offers a meek apology for being mean to which i just say okay and we are silent again. This morning I woke up, and he is acting like I'm the problem. i asked if he wanted to speak and he said he tried to last night and i wouldn’t. I am getting ready to break up with him but want to know if that means I am overreacting?

update: we broke up.

I am devastated, we have been together for a year and we lived in different towns close to each other. He told me he was broken up with her and for a year straight we shared so many moments together. He was there when i broke my arm, when i lost my job, i was there helping him start his business, i was there when he couldnt sleep at night, i took care of him when he was sick. We planned a wedding, a home together… In good and in bad we were together, hung out with his friends and they all knew the truth.

I wasnt feeling secure with the whole ex thing so i told him i wanted him to block her and leave her out of our lives. She kept coming back one way or another and I started having nightmares, my hair falling out, and I saw she was unblocked and i crashed out. I texted her wanting answers. She shared pictures of them from the last year, of their daughter, of everything and told me i have no place there. How i should feel used and unclean because this is what i am. I confronted him and the only thing he had to say was “dont look for me anymore” not even a sorry not anything. The woman kept harassing me with painful comments how they only used me how i am pathetic etc. I cant eat, sleep, shower myself i cant hold myself up on my legs, i truly loved him and wanted a life with him and now i have to start over with everything. And i cant stop thinking of all of the moments we shared and words we exchanged just being a game and a lie when i put my heart in it. How do i deal with this? Please help me, please

My boyfriend makes jokes about women alot.

Jokes about how we didnt have rights or just basic women rights jokes.

He even made a statement about how all women are b**ches and that its okay to say that because rappers say it all the time.

Eventually, i got annoyed and told him to stop because i dont think its funny. In fact, I think it's disrespectful that he is comfortable enough to joke about women to his own girlfriend.

My boyfriend has shown me before that he lacks respect for me.

He recorded me during [intimacy] against my wishes, and removed a condom without telling me, knowing i never wanted to do it without one.

I mentioned those times since it made me feel like he really did lack respect for women. To be fair hes only 19, as am i.

I tried talking about it and he grew angry saying it was just a joke. In a sense i feel like i might be overreacting. But i just dont feel comfortable being around someone who is comfortable joking about women like that.

AITAH for telling him something about it, and considering leaving? I consider leaving not just because of this but because of what happened in the past. I stayed and forgave him because i wanted to give him a chance to show me that he will respect me. But now im unsure he ever really did or ever will.

My bf (M/42) proposed to me (F/32) in front of my mom, told me not to tell anyone about it, then he took the ring back a day later and said he didn't think it through enough but that I have too low of an "SES" (socioeconomic status) and he doesnt see me being able to climb the social ranks. He really wants cultured, educated friends.

We've dated 8 years and have a house and a pet. He never lies, yells, or swears, and he's a "genius" (top 1% IQ), so I thought he was like a super safe/healthy bet at first, but he has commitment issues and OCD.

The moving in, the I love you - every checkpoint of the relationship took a ton of self advocacy to even get to.

The exception was the house - he needed my $ for that, so that was easy.

Idk why I did this really, but here I am.

My dad said just leave "spontaneously" on a weekday.

I'd have to move into my dad's house. My parents were kind of normal and wealthy (but new money wealthy), but then both went off the deep end when I was in my 20s (dad - illegal substances/women, mom - idrk some kind of ptsd thing but she also hallucinates). I am 32 now, and I don't hang out with my parents - it's just kind of the only choice I have...

Anyway, any thoughts? People say I'm pretty and I do want kids and a loving relationship. I don't think this guy will give me that...

ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and he has often asked for money for multiple things now like gas, to buy food, to buy his brother food. all of these things are so valid to ask for help on and I’ve helped him multiple times. but he has always said he would pay me back and he has never paid me back. He gets paid $10 more than I do and I have more financial obligations than he does like bills, car payments, school loans and help my parents out financially while he on the other hand, was given a free car and doesn’t pay any bills at home since he lives at home with his mom and works from home. I don’t want to compare situations because if he needs the help, I will help. But the reoccurring asking and not paying back like he said he would is putting a strain. I have never asked him for money or to help with gas when we use my car or I’ve never asked him to pay anything for me. I have a half marathon coming up and it’s my first one ever and I asked if he’d like to go with me and he even offered to drive me. it’s about 45 minutes away and he asked if I can help pitch in for gas. when he offered to drive, I didn’t think he’d ask for gas money and now I’m kind of upset because if he needed money, I would’ve just driven myself. I don’t know if I’m just being mean or selfish ? but I’m already stressed financially, I’m always having my parents ask for money and now my partner does it and has done it since we started to date and it’s so stressful because I feel obligated to and I hate saying no. I would just like any advice on how to go about this and honestly if I am being selfish, please let me know so I know how to change or go about this. I appreciate you guys :)

TLDR; boyfriend asks for money to pay for gas, food for himself or his brother. he makes more money than I do and tells me he’s going to pay back but never does. he offered to drive me to my race event but asked for gas money. am I being selfish?

I [20F] and my boyfriend [19M] have been together for a year and 2 months. Until recently everything has always been pretty much perfect apart from the odd little thing which is normal.

But sometimes now I start I feel like I value him so much more than he values me and I want to talk to him about it but he always gets so defensive every time I try.

It’s only little things like we live 5 minutes from each yet makes it seem like such an inconvenience to take me home sometimes. On this occasion it was because he had work early in the morning but it’s only 5 minutes away?

Or if I am upset he thinks it will cheer me up to make fun of me. Like saying I have bad breath.

He doesn’t compliment me often which gets me down and when I mention that he says neither do I but I know I do a lot. I always do cuz I don’t ever want him to feel bad about himself for a second. Like if I have spent ages getting ready to look good for him and he won’t even say anything about it.

He sometimes points out flaws of mine infront of others even tho they are close friends I just feel like why? Or just is always making little comments to put me down or laugh at my expense.

This makes him sound really bad an I promise he is not he is very amazing in other ways.
I feel like I would walk heaven and earth for him and I don’t feel he would for me.

TLDR I just need advice on how to tell him I feel undervalued.

Every night my boyfriend gets home from work, eats dinner, then immediately starts filling his shot glass and starts playing video games. Which wouldn’t be a problem (because I like doing those things too), if we didn’t have two children to put to bed first.

My boyfriend is sitting there drinking and playing while I’m chasing kids around getting them ready for bed and for school the next morning. This is an everyday thing. Drink, play, and here’s me putting everyone to bed. I finally confronted him tonight and I said “It would be nice if I got some help putting the kids to bed before you start drinking and playing video games. “ He immediately gets defensive and we start arguing.

He basically said if I want help then I should just ask for it whenever I want it. But my thing is, as a dad, why are you not just automatically helping? Why drink and hop on the game right away instead of being a dad and helping me get the kids ready for bed? I basically told him I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask all the time. Anyways, he’s really upset at me now, yelled at me, and just repeating “Just ask and I will do it.” Which I do understand to an extent.

But what do I do at this point? He gets really defensive and angry instead of understanding where I’m coming from. Or should I just ask for help all the time?

I had a cervical conization a week ago. My doctor strictly ordered me to rest and avoid any form of physical intimacy or strain for about 6 weeks so my body can heal properly.

The problem is that my boyfriend is upset that I’m not finding alternative ways to satisfy him physically during this time. He says he feels like I’m neglecting him and that he expects his girlfriend to genuinely want to do things for him rather than treat it like a transaction.

The thing is, I do want to be close with him and make him happy, but I’m disappointed that this has already become an issue just one week after my surgery. I expected him to be able to wait this period out with me and understand that I need time to recover. I’m not expecting him to put his needs aside forever; I was just hoping for a little more patience and understanding.

He gave an example, saying that if the roles were reversed and he was the one physically incapacitated, he would still try to find ways to make me happy if he were willing. From his perspective, it’s not about a transaction; he wants to feel that I genuinely want to do things for him.

I understand that he has needs too and that he might miss intimacy. At the same time, I feel like I shouldn’t have to feel pressured to satisfy my partner or feel guilty for not doing so just one week after a surgical procedure.

I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives, especially from couples or people who have been in similar situations. Is my disappointment reasonable? How would you handle this situation? Am I expecting too much by wanting him to be patient for these six weeks, or are his expectations understandable too?

I (27F) recently went to Portugal with my boyfriend (32M) around my birthday. We split the flights and accommodation, and I paid for my visa, rental car, fuel, food, activities and other expenses. I wasn’t expecting him to fund my birthday or the trip.

The day before my birthday, we were at a tourist attraction with a cobbled slope. I had an injured foot and was walking slowly. A woman was taking a photo on the other side of the slope. My boyfriend tried to rush me down the slope because he thought we were in her way. She hadn’t asked us to move, and I didn’t think we were even in her photo.

I asked him, in a raised voice, “Please don’t push me.”

He said I embarrassed him in public and was inconsiderate of other people.

Things stayed tense afterwards. The next day was my birthday, and we spent about six hours sitting beside each other on a bus. He spoke to me about mundane things like water and leftover food but didn’t wish me happy birthday once.

After we arrived, we argued again. Eventually I asked him when he was planning to wish me. He gave me a very cold “Happy birthday.” I felt like crying.

The following day, after things had calmed down, he suggested we go for my birthday dinner.

I got dressed and was ready to leave, but wanted to take a few photos first. On my previous birthday, he’d told me he wouldn’t take photos of me at a restaurant because he doesn’t like taking pictures, so this time I took three selfies myself. It took less than a minute.

He became irritated that I was making him wait. Then I said I needed to grab a jacket.

He got angry, walked out on me and left me there.

I ended up changing back into my clothes and getting into bed.

Since we’ve returned, he keeps telling me I ruined my own birthday.

For context, he had always wanted to do one trip abroad a year, but his social commitments kept postponing it. Eventually this trip was arranged around my birthday. He says I should be happy that he took me abroad for my birthday.

My friend says the same thing, that I should be grateful he went on the trip with me.

But I don’t feel like I asked for anything unreasonable. I didn’t need an expensive gift. I didn’t expect him to pay for the holiday. I just wanted him to acknowledge my birthday and actually celebrate it with me.

AITA for thinking his behaviour ruined my birthday rather than me ruining it myself?

I (30F) and my boyfriend (35M) of 7 months do not like the same type of entertainment. My boyfriend doesn’t like “girly” tv. Like rom-coms and reality tv. This is fine with me but he does tend to make a big stink about it when I watch it with him. So most of the time we pick things we both enjoy when we are together and I watch what I want when I am alone.

However, some friends of mine and I are obsessed with a show. A new season has recently come out and we decided to have a watch party each week when the new episode comes out. I typically host these things and they bring to food because I have a good TV set up and space.

I was telling my boyfriend about this new week activity and he asked if he could join. I gently told him that I’d rather him not join. He asked me why and I said because:

this is season 3 of the series and he hasn’t watched season 1 and 2. I don’t particularly want to sit there and explain to him all the details of the show while I want to watch the new episode.

when he gets bored he tends to talk about unrelated things, which would make the watch party not as fun because the topic is the show.

I know this because I’ve attempted to recommend him stuff that he may like but he just doesn’t pay attention. He says he wants me to share more of my interests with him but when I do he’s never that into it. I don’t take it personally. Everyone has their interests, we don’t have to match on everything.

We don’t live together so he does have his own home to go to and we see each other about 4 times a week so it’s not for lack of being together.

When I told him this he got really disappointed and mad at me for this. He wants to meet more of my friends (we hang out with my friends quite often but he hasn’t met them all). I told him this just isn’t the setting to meet them and talk with them as we will be watching the show. It’s like going to a movie theater and talking through the whole film.

He said ok but has given me the cold shoulder since. This happened yesterday. The watch party is tomorrow and it will be a weekly thing. AITAH?

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, and my boyfriend has always known this. We dated online for about a year and a half before he moved in with me, and I thought things were going well. However he consistently made me late for all sorts of plans, didn't follow through with plans, and overall didn't make any efforts to do things with me.

Every year, I always stock up halloween plans and make the most of the holiday. However he had insisted on us spending halloween together, because he wanted to spend my favorite holiday with me. I thought it was nice, we made plans to go buy candy and make cookies, paint pumpkins, get dinner, and watch halloween movies for most of the day, ending with me going to a rave that I had been planning to go to for a while.

My boyfriend has a major habit of sleeping all day or staying holed-up in his room(we don't share bedrooms because we agreed on wanting our own personal spaces, but we spend most nights together.)

When Halloween came around, I woke up around 8am and he was still asleep, so I let him sleep in. Our plans were pretty fluid so I didn't mind. 1030 i decided to wake him up so we could go to the store. He took an entire hour to get up and dressed, only to complain and ask if he could go back to bed when we got in my car. I let him and went to buy stuff on my own.

We get home and he stays in bed until I wake him up around 1 so we could at least paint the pumpkins. After 30 minutes of that, he went back to bed. I didn't see him the rest of the day.

I went to my rave, and tried my best to have fun even though I spent most of the day doing nothing. I came back home around 2am, and heard him talking happily with an online friend and playing video games.

Today, I decided to start decorating the apartment a bit because of halloween, and my boyfriend made an comment about how I Shouldn't make plans for halloween so we could spend it together. I told him no, and that I was going to do whatever plans I wanted because he still hasn't changed his behavior even when we've had multiple discussions about it. Once again, it caused a major fight, and now he's staying in his room for the night.

AITA?

Tldr; My boyfriend failed to follow through with halloween plans, then expected me to make halloween plans with him again and when I said no we got in a fight.

Hi everyone. I (18F) have been with my boyfriend (19M turns 20 in january) for 3 years now and we seemed to be steady till now. My boyfriend has been working since 14, these jobs were organized by his school’s district therefore it was easy, available and convenient. He wouldn’t get a lot, just 155USD a month but it was enough. I want to specify that he did not graduate, he never dropped out but wasn’t able to pass his final exams so in record its almost as if he never attended highschool.

Problems started once he told me he won’t try to appeal for his exams and re-do them a couple months after. I ignored it since it was his final decision but I wasn’t happy about it either. He believed that as long as he puts his previous jobs in CV’s then lots of companies would hire him, but he never thought of the fact that as I said, on paper, his education ended in elementary school.

Its been a year since then and he’s had only 2 jobs, one that lasted 3 months and the other that lasted less than a month. So of course I’ve been agitated about it. No money means he has no car, no degree means his future is basically nothing, and no job means he’s spending his days playing video games. And the funniest thing is? My dad owns a very good, stable company and he keeps on asking my boyfriend to just apply and he would handle all the other things. My boyfriend never once agreed because “I don’t want to work with your dad”.

I am more than pissed off, I feel resentment towards him. I'm aware of the job market; I know it's hard to get a job when you never finished high school, and I know how much he tries. I don’t want him to get a job just to “spoil” me or anything, all I want is for him to make his life right. These past weeks have been a warzone between us, he keeps ghosting me and ignoring all the job applications I’ve sent him, and I’ve been nonstop talking about him to go work anywhere.

So am I really the [jerk]? should I let him figure everything out by himself?

My boyfriend was fishing down at our pier the other night, a girl waiting around approached him and asked what he was up to. They engaged in conversation with a bunch of random interactions with strangers popping in here and there (too long of a story) for more than an hour or so. This didn’t bother me at first- however at some point in between she did ask if he had a girlfriend. In which he said yes. Later down the conversation he mentioned that when he was leaving he’d “talk to her later”.

I asked him what he meant by that, and he then told me they exchanged social media. This upset me. My boyfriend is a friendly person (which I don’t mind), he’s very understanding and we’ve been in a long term relationship for more than 5 years now. But if the girl asked if he had a girlfriend- wouldn’t that kind of give you the idea that she was hitting on him or interested in him? I feel like exchanging social media accounts just opens up a door of opportunity, it kind of feels disrespectful to me.

I don’t care if he follows girls on social media- but this particular interaction just didn’t feel right to me. I’ve already expressed that I was upset that he did that, and he said I have nothing to worry about. I’m not worried about him cheating, more so that he gave a girl he just met his social media.

TLDR: I don’t know how to feel about my boyfriend exchanging socials with a girl he just met. Am I overthinking or being upset for no reason? How should I go about this?

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting, and I made this account specifically to ask this question because I just can not tell if this is as big of a deal as it feels to me. I, 26F, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, 39M, for over a year and a half, and he moved into my house just a couple of months ago so we do live together. We had been somewhat friends who met at work for a few years before getting into this relationship. My problem is this: he has been very open with me about the fact that he does not talk to people about me, meaning nobody besides his dad and the few family members I have met knows that he is in a relationship. His reasoning is he "doesn't think it's anyone's business who he sleeps with." This is offensive to me because I feel that I should definitely be considered more than just someone he sleeps with as we live together and are trying to build a life together (and definitely had the convo making this an exclusive commited relationship). The reason I know he doesn't talk about me is because of a few times when he was telling me about conversations or situations at work where it would have been relevant for him to mention me but he has specifically told me "I don't tell people about you, or talk about you at all." When I asked why, he gave the answer above. When I told him that I feel like I should be relevant as more than just someone who he sleeps with he got upset and said he just doesn't want to talk about me and also told me he doesn't want to greet everyone by saying, "Hi! My name is (blank), and I have a girlfriend." Which is not at all the scenario or what I was asking for. Is it normal for me to be hurt by this?

TLDR: My boyfriend doesn't talk to people in his life about me, stating he "doesn't think it's anyone's business who he sleeps with." This is hurtful to me because we have been in a committed relationship for over a year and a half and live together, so I feel I should be considered more than just someone he sleeps with. Would this be hurtful to anyone else, or am I being too sensitive?

I hit the last straw last week. He went on a 24-hour no-contact "runaway" aka [partying] without saying he's not coming home/what he's up to. Hes done this before (having phone off, not coming home).

He doesn't come home until after midnight at least a couple nights a week. He misses work due to hangovers at least a couple times a month - and he's trying to run his own business. We've talked about communicating when not coming home after work. The horse has been beaten many times.

He doesn't see his drinking as a problem. But i think if you're willing to jeopardize your business and relationship for uncontrolled "fun" then it is? What do you all think?

Hes a good guy overall, hes the "fun guy" but at what point does the fun guy become a loser when hes 30 and doesnt have his drinking in check? Am I being an [jerk] for kicking him out over this? Ill say I am in love with him, he is a good guy, but I cant deal with never knowing when or if my boyfriend will be coming home each night. This feels like behaviour for someone in their teens and twenties?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been together for five years. He's a firefighter who works 48-hour shifts, and I'm a full-time college student who also works.

Lately, I've felt like his coworkers take priority over our relationship. He spends 48 hours with them, texts them daily, goes to breakfast, plays sports, and regularly hangs out with them outside of work. I don't mind him having friends, but I feel like he rarely plans dates for just us.

Last weekend, we had a huge argument because he asked what weekend I was free for a Warriors game. I got excited thinking he was planning a date, but then he mentioned inviting his coworkers and their girlfriends. I explained that I wanted more one-on-one time, but he got angry and accused me of always complaining. He apologized afterward and admitted he'd been losing his temper.

Fast-forward to today. He just finished another 48-hour shift, and we already had plans to spend time together after I got off work. He suddenly told me he was going to a BBQ with his former coworkers that evening.

He suggested I drive to his house, spend a couple of hours together, and then either leave or stay overnight while he attended the BBQ.

I declined because I didn't want to drive over after work just to sit around his house alone waiting for him to return.

What frustrates me is that he frequently tells me he's too exhausted to do things with me, but somehow finds the energy when his coworkers invite him somewhere.

We argued again, and he called me selfish, hypocritical, and annoying. He said I was refusing to come over to teach him a lesson. He also brought up that he spends money on me, frequently drives to see me, and sacrifices rest for our relationship, which I do acknowledge.

I told him that I felt like he cared more about his coworkers than me. He denied it, and we ended up hanging up on each other.

I texted him afterward explaining that I just wanted him to consider our existing plans before accepting other invitations. He didn't respond for over five hours and went ahead with the BBQ.

I love him, and he's genuinely a kind and generous person, but I'm tired of feeling like our plans are always the first thing he's willing to change. We literally just argued about this exact issue less than a week ago.

AITA for refusing to go over? I feel like he should've honored our original plans instead of expecting me to rearrange my evening around his coworkers.

My boyfriend and I have been together for the last three years, and initially, we used to share our passwords. We still share our Instagram passwords. The thing is, I've been using Snapchat for the last four to five years, even before I met him, and I have all my cringe photos, videos, family pictures, and literally everything on there. I just love having that space where I can take as many cringe pictures and videos as I want without worrying about anyone looking at them.

He had my Snapchat password before, but he would save my cringe photos and videos and open the snaps other people sent me. He was way too involved in everything. He would literally go through every little detail what I sent, who sent me what, and what I replied. It was frustrating, and honestly, I just wanted some personal space without him constantly looking over everything I did.

FYI, there are no random guys on my Snapchat. It's just friends and people I know. I've even told him that I'm willing to remove them if that makes him more comfortable, but I'm still not willing to share my password because I consider Snapchat my personal space.

His response is that there's no concept of personal space in a relationship and that couples should share their passwords. I understand that some couples are comfortable sharing everything, and everyone has different views on this, but that doesn't mean everyone has to follow the same rules.

Now, he's literally not talking to me because of this, and honestly, I find it so childish. I don't understand why wanting a little privacy has become such a big issue. It's not about hiding anything from him, I've told him he can check my snap whenever we're together,I just want one space that feels like my own, and I don't think that's too much to ask for?

My (22F) boyfriend (26M) asked me to make him some instant noodles while he was gaming with his mates. He asked for 2 packets and for me to mash them up, add the flavour packet and don't drain the water. I did exactly that however I only broke the noodles into quarters, I didn’t realise he meant to literally crush them. He got angry they weren't crushed completely and just poured it all into the sink in front of me while I was cleaning up the kitchen and went back to gaming. I've just gone to bed now rethinking my life choices.