56 Women Reveal What Made Them Say “No” When Their Partners Proposed

Two friends in my old high-school clique dated for a couple months when we were all 14. We still remained friends after high-school but the guy never got over the girl, he was scary obsessed. Before we all went our separate ways for college, the dude came out of nowhere and asked me once if we were both single by 30 if I would agree to marry him. He was 100% serious. I said no thanks. I wasn't interested in him and he did it out of desperation and wanting to make his ex mad, because we were once best friends.

He eventually dated a whole bunch of unstable and (not to be cruel) very unfortunate looking women. He had low self-esteem and didn't take care of himself after the breakup. He actually married one a year or so before he turned 30. He spent most of his 20s harassing his old girlfriend, and driving by her house playing "their song" on the radio as loudly as possible. Cops were called.

Even at 30, He still stalks his high-school ex-girlfriend/my old friend from time to time and sits outside her place of work staring at her through the window, trying to get her attention. Yet again, she's had to call the cops a number of times. It's really awkward for her because she has to explain to her co-workers "Yeah, that's some guy I dated for 2 months when I was a freshman in high-school... can we get him out of here?".

Dated this girl off and on for 12 years. Most recently we had been together 6 years. We're on a trip to the Philippines and we're swimming in this beautiful lagoon. I decide it's the perfect setting to propose. I begin with "hey baby" and she must have heard it in my voice because she turned around and said "doooon't do it". Took the wind out of my sail real quick. She eventually said yes a few months later in Australia.

I proposed after dating my girlfriend for two years. I was about to graduate college and move away, and she was a year behind me.

I had the ring, everything perfectly planned, we discussed our future together. When I proposed, she initially said yes. About half an hour later, she seemed off. I asked her if anything was wrong, and she said she needed to think. We talked for awhile, and then she said changed her answer. She said we were too young, she wanted to be on her own for awhile, to be independent, etc...

Jokes on her though, because now we're married.

Edit: ok, didn't expect this much attention. To explain, yes, we are married to each other (and she does know). We stayed together afterward and another year later I proposed again, that time with a longer lasting success.

I just thought; if Turk from Scrubs, an incredibly immature, selfish guy can endure being rejected multiple times by the woman he loves, then I think I can at least maintain the same level of persistence in reality.

Edit2: For some added embarrassment, I proposed on day 2 of a 5 day trip we were on together. That, in retrospect, was poor planning. Trip was fun though!

I told my husband no the first time he asked. We were drunk and hadn't been dating long, so I thought he was joking. (He will swear to you that it was not a joke and that he would have taken me to Vegas that night if I'd said yes.)

The second time I said no, he was on R&R from deployment and I think he asked because it felt like the right thing to do since I was waiting for him to get back so we could continue dating (and not seeing anyone else while he was gone), not because he really wanted to get married.

He asked again almost as soon as he got back and I said no again, to take a few months and decompress and just date for a little while. We kept dating and talking about it and decided the time was right about six months later.

I am SO GLAD I said no all those times. Not because he wasn't the right one, but because he was and I didn't want us to mess it up by getting married before we were both totally sure.

I had a couple of friends that had been seriously involved since college. They felt that marriage was a tool of the patriarchy, was only a piece of paper, etc. 6 years on and the relationship was still going strong.

They decided they wanted a kid. She got pregnant and things were going well. One night they had a serious discussion and decided that since there was going to be a baby they really needed to figure out the legal implications. They decided it was best if they got married so that there wouldn't be any question of who takes care of the kid if something happened to one of them etc.

A little while later the guy realized that he was going to get married but it was decided more or less in a discussion after weighing the costs and benefits. Not very romantic. He decided, "Eff it, if we're going to get married I should do this properly."

So he plans and makes a fancy meal, candles, wine (with champagne at the ready), the whole 9 yards. At what he thought was the right moment, got down on his knee, presented her with a ring, and asked her to marry him. She looked aside and said, "Actually, I've been thinking about that a little more..."

She turned him down. I learned about this when he called me up to vent. He was hot, anger was his go to emotion. She had already agreed, it should have been a great moment for the both of them but instead he felt humiliated and foolish. I couldn't blame him, after all she had already agreed to get married. Talk about a slam dunk marriage proposal lol.

They were still way into each other and did end up getting married once the kid was born. They've now been together for over 20 years but at the time I thought that their relationship was done.

We were 19 and in a crazy on/off relationship. At the time of the proposal we were off and in my head we were off for good.

He came to my house and begged for me to come back including a tear filled proposal.

I said no, got out of his truck and went back inside.

A month later he told me he was going to be a dad. He knocked someone up around the time he wanted me back.

He asked me which Indiana Jones movies I liked. I told him the first and third ones were good, but didn't care for Temple of Doom (this was before the 4th one came out). Right then and there he got down on one knee and proposed to me with the taco he was about to eat. Five years later we're still dating.

Edit: It was a hard shell standard issue taco bell taco; it was later eaten but I don't remember by who. The whole thing was over shadowed when we walked outside and found the physics department assembling a trebuchet.

The answer was some day; being college students at the time and now working professionals we're not in a good financial or career spot to get married yet.

He was already married, offered to get divorced for me, and asked me multiple times with a ring. I have no idea why in the hell he kept asking. We were coworkers and he saw me as a challenge, I think. So obviously, said no every time.

I had found out after we had broken up that she wanted me to ask her to marry her. I never did because I wanted to wait until I had my degree and had a real job to support both of us. I still lived with my mom but she didn't care. She would have said yes if I asked her. Fortunately we found out we were NOT good for each other a few years after and broke up. My buddy told me that apparently she confessed quite a bit to him that she was waiting for me to pop the question. I'm glad I didn't because we'd probably be divorced by now. But I'm an almost 30 year old man with a college degree and good job living with his mom posting on reddit at work... so... I got that goin' for me.
She's married now and I think expecting a kid.
I think I may be happier as a bachelor, I wasn't good at the relationship stuff.



*Update: Apparently people care more about my living situation than my failed relationship which is actually kind of interesting to me. I will say based on the page we're on this should be, and pretty much has been, a judgment free zone. I'm happy to answer any questions about both situations as long as it's respectful.*.

My then-girlfriend proposed to me on the leap day of 1992. I said no (I was too young to know better). We went our separate ways ... long story ... and came together again, now married 19 years. The result of saying no was 5 wasted years!

I said no because we're not ready! We've been long distance for 3 years now, and although we love each other very much, he knows I won't marry him until we're both settled in together. Still, he asks almost three times a week, and it's become a bit of a laugh for us. He tries to sneak the question in without me noticing, and I add ridiculous conditions to my yes.

I'm sure that when we decide to get married, he'll be too nervous to actually ask properly. He'll probably end up farting in bed and threatening to Dutch oven me if I don't say yes.

It's not all bad in "no" world.

I was proposed to by my ex boyfriend and accepted, then changed my mind the next day. We loved each other a lot, but we fought like cats and dogs. We stayed together for a couple of years after that, but he eventually broke it off, in a very vengeful way.

He married someone else after dating for only a year. They have been together for many years now, but they fight a lot, more than we did. He now recognizes that he was a stubborn, difficult person and that he wasn't a good partner. He regrets being such a difficult person with me but I am happy I dodged a bullet. I really don't like fighting with people who I am close to, or even in contact with every day. I prefer a more rational way of settling issues, with some give and take. Wow, the more I think about it, the happier I am I rejected him.

My boyfriend just told me (in so many words) that I'm fine to sleep with and great to live with, but he isn't really interested in marrying me.

This was probably the wrong thread for me to dive into today.

One guy - we worked together. Never dated until my divorce was final. He asked me to marry him less than 1 month after it was final. Nope. Nope. Nope.

So my other half doesnt care for "pomp" or fuss or anything like that. Hates it all. So I told him to "book the registry office" then. That is how we are. He said no and said it wasnt a real proposal. Everyone he has spoken to has said it was a proposal.

Now we are in the stage where I am trying to find a way to ask more officially but its going slower.

So I own a company that deals with various precious gems and metals. We are vertically integrated and actually go through the entire supply chain of diamonds, from mining to cutting to retail, so I have a pretty intimate knowledge base and experience on the matter. It's really annoying that people don't understand this simple concept. The proposal is the surprise NOT the question of will she marry you. It boggles my mind how many people don't understand this. You TWO are getting married means you BOTH need to have talked about it. It's not a surprise like getting someone a puppy, which even that is a terrible idea if you haven't talked to the person about if they'd like the responsibility of being a dog owner. Honestly, if you propose, and your SO says "No" it's a good thing because you're clearly not ready to be married as you lack the very foundation... COMMUNICATION!

So, to all you women/men who've said "No" to guys/ladies that asked you without talking about it, even if you've been dating for 50 years, don't feel bad.

Now, let's say you've talked about the marriage and know you're getting a Yes. Make sure she is an active part of picking out the ring, go RING SHOPPING TOGETHER!!! This isn't some small purchase like curtains that she may not like. She will have this on her finger every single day for the rest of her life, make sure SHE loves it. Don't try to guess this. Chances are she may even be ecstatic and pretend she loves it but deep inside not like it. If she's a great girl it may not really be important to her, but in any case, it doesn't hurt for her to like what she's got on her finger. If you have already purchased a ring, MOST, retailers will allow a return within 90 days. I personally don't, but I also make sure I go through various conversations with clients about his/her relationship such as how long they've dated, why they intend to marry if they've talked about getting married and if the SO is part of the ring/diamond choice process. This way I mitigate any risk of returns short of rare instant annulments or call-offs.

My ex asked me twice, I said no twice. She then married the next guy she met.

My friend proposed with a ring his girlfriend had picked out. She said no, but kept the ring as a promise ring.

They are now happily married.

When I was a little kid I didn't understand marriage obviously all I knew is you marry someone you love and I loved my mom so I would always ask her to marry me and it made me so sad when she would say no.

She said no and I ate the ringpop.