Many couples nowadays think more than twice before deciding if they want to have kids. As a society, we're more aware of how much time, work, and sacrifice it takes to raise a human being. But, more importantly, we understand that it's not a duty, but a choice.
According to the Pew Research Center, the number of people in their 20s and 30s who plan to have children dropped from about 90% in 2012 to 76% in 2023. In 10 years, attitudes toward being parents have changed significantly. Each person has a different story and reasoning, yet one thing unites most of them.
It's the constant comments from other people: "You'll change your mind." Or "You will want them when you meet the right person." Childfree people hear a lot of wild things directed at them almost daily, and we're highlighting the weirdest reasons folks have given them for why they "should have" children.
#41
A couple in my family were childless by choice and they heard it all. The worst is that not having children was selfish. What?? However, after 12 years into their marriage, she started longing for a baby. Unselfishly, he agreed. They only had one child, and yes, they love their child immensely. But the child turned out to be on the autism spectrum and ADHD. They all struggled through the school years and then in college it was clear that their child could not handle living on their own. The couple are now in their 70s with a 40-ish aged child that they now worry about what’s going to happen to the beloved offspring when they are gone. None of the early naysayers are alive to step up to care for their child when they are gone.
Report
9points
#42
"Because you'd be a good Dad"
Doesn't mean I want to be. Being a good uncle is fulfilling enough.
VictorVega66:
I heard that so many times. Both from people who (pretend to) know me but also random coworkers.
I can barely keep myself alive, am neurodivergent and occasionally forget to properly eat for 3 days straight, but sure I would be a great dad.
zuzzyb80:
Yes, I've had 'but you'd be a great mum'. I literally just told you that I don't want kids, with a relatively horrified tone, what on earth about that makes you think I'd be a good parent to these kids I don't want to have!
Doesn't mean I want to be. Being a good uncle is fulfilling enough.
VictorVega66:
I heard that so many times. Both from people who (pretend to) know me but also random coworkers.
I can barely keep myself alive, am neurodivergent and occasionally forget to properly eat for 3 days straight, but sure I would be a great dad.
zuzzyb80:
Yes, I've had 'but you'd be a great mum'. I literally just told you that I don't want kids, with a relatively horrified tone, what on earth about that makes you think I'd be a good parent to these kids I don't want to have!
8points
#43
"You'd make such pretty babies".
Charming_Web_6738:
I would d*e of embarrassment omg
EWRboogie:
I asked a guy friend of mine once if he wanted kids and he scoffed and said “of course. Look at me.”
rationalcunt:
At a recent wedding my grandma told me that I'm too pretty to not have kids. This is coming from a woman who hates children.
Euphoric-Arachnid-24:
My husband has the most beautiful curly, bright ginger hair. I have curly hair as well. We get the “imagine the baby’s ringlets/hair”. No thanks. Not having a child just to see if it would maybe, possibly come out with curly hair….. how shallow!!
Charming_Web_6738:
I would d*e of embarrassment omg
EWRboogie:
I asked a guy friend of mine once if he wanted kids and he scoffed and said “of course. Look at me.”
rationalcunt:
At a recent wedding my grandma told me that I'm too pretty to not have kids. This is coming from a woman who hates children.
Euphoric-Arachnid-24:
My husband has the most beautiful curly, bright ginger hair. I have curly hair as well. We get the “imagine the baby’s ringlets/hair”. No thanks. Not having a child just to see if it would maybe, possibly come out with curly hair….. how shallow!!
8points
#44
"Because all your friends will have kids and you'll be lonely".
First of all, FOMO does not seem like a good reason to create a human being.
Second, I'm 40F and all my friends' kids are older, and said friends are dying to hang out with me and do adult activities and talk about adult stuff. No loneliness here!
wild_ginger1:
I cherish my role as auntie to my friend’s kids and they honor my role in their lives. When we see them my spouse and I will naturally step in when the parents need a break or are otherwise occupied. Their kids call us family. One of my friends kids (5) even said she would make sure to visit me when I’m “old and living in a nursing home.” So no, I don’t think we all need our own kids, we need to help the ones that exist already if that’s fulfilling and brings joy. I also cherish getting to be home with my dog pack sans human children
Feral_doves:
Are parents not allowed to hang out with people who aren’t parents? I‘ve heard this argument too, seems weird lol. Like I get if you‘re gonna be a 35 year old pothead who just wants to smoke and play video games you might not get invited around as much, but I have friends and relatives with kids, they still invite me to things, I get along with their kids. We can’t always do the same activities we used to as easily but that’s okay, I’ve grown up too. Some of my friends just come with mini bonus friends now, what’s the big deal?
First of all, FOMO does not seem like a good reason to create a human being.
Second, I'm 40F and all my friends' kids are older, and said friends are dying to hang out with me and do adult activities and talk about adult stuff. No loneliness here!
wild_ginger1:
I cherish my role as auntie to my friend’s kids and they honor my role in their lives. When we see them my spouse and I will naturally step in when the parents need a break or are otherwise occupied. Their kids call us family. One of my friends kids (5) even said she would make sure to visit me when I’m “old and living in a nursing home.” So no, I don’t think we all need our own kids, we need to help the ones that exist already if that’s fulfilling and brings joy. I also cherish getting to be home with my dog pack sans human children
Feral_doves:
Are parents not allowed to hang out with people who aren’t parents? I‘ve heard this argument too, seems weird lol. Like I get if you‘re gonna be a 35 year old pothead who just wants to smoke and play video games you might not get invited around as much, but I have friends and relatives with kids, they still invite me to things, I get along with their kids. We can’t always do the same activities we used to as easily but that’s okay, I’ve grown up too. Some of my friends just come with mini bonus friends now, what’s the big deal?
8points
#45
"But you have child birthing hips!"
Uhh, thanks? But also, ew? Have had both a bilateral salpingectomy and a hysterectomy (uterus didn't take her obsolescence well).
Charming_Web_6738:
my mom said this to me once… like… what?
ceemee_21:
Gross thing to say about a human beings body like they're some breeding animal
Kittykg:
I had a quirky little old man doctor who zoomed around the room on his rolly chair point out on some imaging I had done that I have "a decently wide birth canal" and that if I decided to have babies, birth would likely go easy.
I'm definitely not shaped in a manner where anyone would ever say I have children bearing hips, so thats probably part of what you're saying. My hip bones are pretty prominent but I am not at all curvaceous.
Won't be having kids, either, so I'll never know if he was correct. At least I got the least offensive version of the comment.
Uhh, thanks? But also, ew? Have had both a bilateral salpingectomy and a hysterectomy (uterus didn't take her obsolescence well).
Charming_Web_6738:
my mom said this to me once… like… what?
ceemee_21:
Gross thing to say about a human beings body like they're some breeding animal
Kittykg:
I had a quirky little old man doctor who zoomed around the room on his rolly chair point out on some imaging I had done that I have "a decently wide birth canal" and that if I decided to have babies, birth would likely go easy.
I'm definitely not shaped in a manner where anyone would ever say I have children bearing hips, so thats probably part of what you're saying. My hip bones are pretty prominent but I am not at all curvaceous.
Won't be having kids, either, so I'll never know if he was correct. At least I got the least offensive version of the comment.
8points
#46
"I used to think I didn't like kids, but it's different when they're yours."
Pretty much everything this guy's ever said leads me to believe he deeply resents his kids and everything they've ever done. I'm not even sure why he's beefing with them except for the fact he never really wanted them; both have good jobs, good friend groups, and good marriages, and the stuff he brings up are just silly teenage things from twenty years ago that he's blown out of proportion.
uncrownedqueen:
That's what I used to think for the longest time growing up. I NEVER got along with children; never had the patience to even play with them, literally like we spoke different languages, always felt just awkward, like I didn't belong. My mom is a pediatrician, so I grew up seeing her interact with kids and I remember always feeling a slight envy of her ease around them. So I always thought 'it's ok, I'm sure it will be different with my own children'. I'm glad to say I chose not to go the FAFO route, I couldn't even imagine having my own kids and still feel like this. Even if there's a slight probability it would be different, there's still a non-zero chance that the awkward 'get them tf away from me' feeling would still be there.
I personally don't think it's fair to the kid when their parent doesn't interact with them, children need that for their own development, and I would definitely not be able to give them that.
Pretty much everything this guy's ever said leads me to believe he deeply resents his kids and everything they've ever done. I'm not even sure why he's beefing with them except for the fact he never really wanted them; both have good jobs, good friend groups, and good marriages, and the stuff he brings up are just silly teenage things from twenty years ago that he's blown out of proportion.
uncrownedqueen:
That's what I used to think for the longest time growing up. I NEVER got along with children; never had the patience to even play with them, literally like we spoke different languages, always felt just awkward, like I didn't belong. My mom is a pediatrician, so I grew up seeing her interact with kids and I remember always feeling a slight envy of her ease around them. So I always thought 'it's ok, I'm sure it will be different with my own children'. I'm glad to say I chose not to go the FAFO route, I couldn't even imagine having my own kids and still feel like this. Even if there's a slight probability it would be different, there's still a non-zero chance that the awkward 'get them tf away from me' feeling would still be there.
I personally don't think it's fair to the kid when their parent doesn't interact with them, children need that for their own development, and I would definitely not be able to give them that.
8points
#47
"Come suffer with the rest of us parents and learn what it means to have real responsibilities!!".
Report
8points
#48
'Who is going to pay your pension? Our social security will fail unless everyone contributes by producing more taxpayers.'
And another one a doctor once told me after getting some genetic testing done.
'Just because you will need help to ensure a healthy baby doesn't mean it should stop you from fulfilling your higher calling as a mom. There are lots of good scientific people whose job depends on people like you having children.'
Yikes!
And another one a doctor once told me after getting some genetic testing done.
'Just because you will need help to ensure a healthy baby doesn't mean it should stop you from fulfilling your higher calling as a mom. There are lots of good scientific people whose job depends on people like you having children.'
Yikes!
Report
8points
#49
“The joy” - 5 minutes later they complain they can’t do anything with their lives because of kids
“Who will look after you when you’re old” - I’ll pay a help to if needed. I don’t plan on retiring in Australia
“For fun” - friend
“Because I want grandkids” - mother
“So you don’t get bored” - mother
“Because everyone needs to settle down” - mother
“Because Jesus wants you to” - mother
“To hand down your assets to when you die” - I don’t remember who said this…
“Mix race kids are in fashion these days”
“So our kids can play together” - person who said this… like… I don’t want to spend more time with them
“Because your wife has a clock inside her that gives her baby urges” - can assure you, we both don’t want kids
“It’s just something you can’t understand unless you have them” - so is not having kids and going on endless international holidays each year.
“Who will look after you when you’re old” - I’ll pay a help to if needed. I don’t plan on retiring in Australia
“For fun” - friend
“Because I want grandkids” - mother
“So you don’t get bored” - mother
“Because everyone needs to settle down” - mother
“Because Jesus wants you to” - mother
“To hand down your assets to when you die” - I don’t remember who said this…
“Mix race kids are in fashion these days”
“So our kids can play together” - person who said this… like… I don’t want to spend more time with them
“Because your wife has a clock inside her that gives her baby urges” - can assure you, we both don’t want kids
“It’s just something you can’t understand unless you have them” - so is not having kids and going on endless international holidays each year.
Report
8points
#50
“That’s your *legacy*!”
No one will remember any of us 3 generations hence unless we did something truly world-altering and/or horrifying.
No one will remember any of us 3 generations hence unless we did something truly world-altering and/or horrifying.
Report
7points
#54
The worst thing I ever heard was,
"Well you could be a surrogate for your brothers!" - my mother
I have two brothers who are both gay and as the only other child my parents had, my mother thought that even if ***I*** didn't want kids, surely I would want to *have my brothers' children for them*.
I've never wanted kids, I never want to experience pregnancy, but someone "should" carry on the family line.
No, mom, the line dies with me.
I made sure of that when I had my tubes removed.
I'm not going to be some breeding cow.
(My brothers were also horrified during this conversation so luckily it ended quickly thanks to their equally appalled comments.).
"Well you could be a surrogate for your brothers!" - my mother
I have two brothers who are both gay and as the only other child my parents had, my mother thought that even if ***I*** didn't want kids, surely I would want to *have my brothers' children for them*.
I've never wanted kids, I never want to experience pregnancy, but someone "should" carry on the family line.
No, mom, the line dies with me.
I made sure of that when I had my tubes removed.
I'm not going to be some breeding cow.
(My brothers were also horrified during this conversation so luckily it ended quickly thanks to their equally appalled comments.).
Report
6points
#56
“You’ll regret it if you don’t.” Actually, I’ll regret it if I do.
IDontWannaGetOutOfBe:
I think the truth is even tougher. It represents a no-win fork in your life, at least for me. You'll always grieve the life you didn't have.
Either you'll always wonder what your kids would have been like, what that life would have been. Or you'll wonder what the life without them - the autonomy, getting further in your career, swimming in money (relatively), traveling, being healthier would have been like. There's major appeal to both for me, because while the second sounds better on its face, I realized a long time ago the only thing that makes me truly happy is being surrounded by loved ones and pets. Material things can make you comfortable, but not necessarily happy alone. But we're all different, that's just me.
You have to give up one and grieve it for most people. There's no way to have both really - except maybe if you're so rich you can just pay someone to handle all the shit parts. But for most of us, you choose a path in the fork in the road, and you grieve the one you'll never walk. That's life I guess.
Problems in my 30s are much harder to solve than the ones of my 20s.
IDontWannaGetOutOfBe:
I think the truth is even tougher. It represents a no-win fork in your life, at least for me. You'll always grieve the life you didn't have.
Either you'll always wonder what your kids would have been like, what that life would have been. Or you'll wonder what the life without them - the autonomy, getting further in your career, swimming in money (relatively), traveling, being healthier would have been like. There's major appeal to both for me, because while the second sounds better on its face, I realized a long time ago the only thing that makes me truly happy is being surrounded by loved ones and pets. Material things can make you comfortable, but not necessarily happy alone. But we're all different, that's just me.
You have to give up one and grieve it for most people. There's no way to have both really - except maybe if you're so rich you can just pay someone to handle all the shit parts. But for most of us, you choose a path in the fork in the road, and you grieve the one you'll never walk. That's life I guess.
Problems in my 30s are much harder to solve than the ones of my 20s.
Report
5points
#57
He deserves a child
What?? Am I just some carrier??? We’re together because early on be both voiced it was something we didn’t want, I didn’t put some spell on him.
What?? Am I just some carrier??? We’re together because early on be both voiced it was something we didn’t want, I didn’t put some spell on him.
Report
5points
#58
My mum complained she couldn't gossip about grandkids with her friends.
(fortunately she pretty much accept the situation but this one feedback stings).
(fortunately she pretty much accept the situation but this one feedback stings).
Report
5points
#59
-"it gives you a purpose in life"... -
I don't need to pop out a child to experience a "purpose" in life.
-"You're getting old"...
I'm not going to rush a relationship just because times ticking.
-"You would be a wonderful mother"...
I think so too, if I wanted kids.
-"You need kids to take care of you when you're old. I told my daughter that she will take care of me when I'm old, that's what family does".
His daughter was 7 at the time he said this and has been stating that prior to that. Of course I added my 2 cents, that no one should be obligated to care for their parents especially when they get treated poorly by their parents from a young age.
I don't need to pop out a child to experience a "purpose" in life.
-"You're getting old"...
I'm not going to rush a relationship just because times ticking.
-"You would be a wonderful mother"...
I think so too, if I wanted kids.
-"You need kids to take care of you when you're old. I told my daughter that she will take care of me when I'm old, that's what family does".
His daughter was 7 at the time he said this and has been stating that prior to that. Of course I added my 2 cents, that no one should be obligated to care for their parents especially when they get treated poorly by their parents from a young age.
Report
5points
