Many couples nowadays think more than twice before deciding if they want to have kids. As a society, we're more aware of how much time, work, and sacrifice it takes to raise a human being. But, more importantly, we understand that it's not a duty, but a choice.
According to the Pew Research Center, the number of people in their 20s and 30s who plan to have children dropped from about 90% in 2012 to 76% in 2023. In 10 years, attitudes toward being parents have changed significantly. Each person has a different story and reasoning, yet one thing unites most of them.
It's the constant comments from other people: "You'll change your mind." Or "You will want them when you meet the right person." Childfree people hear a lot of wild things directed at them almost daily, and we're highlighting the weirdest reasons folks have given them for why they "should have" children.
#21
“Who’s going to look after you when you’re old?” While we were at work in a care home.
KrystalOneTrueGem:
Me drinking a bottle of wine every weekend and surviving on top ramen 3 days in a row when I'm lazy: "when I'm what?"
diarrhea_fingerpaint:
Having children does not guarantee that they will care for you.
IceSeeker:
Exactly. Thinking that your kids will someday look after you is basically setting yourself up to disappointment. I've seen many old people who are so bitter and angry because their kids won't take care of them.
KrystalOneTrueGem:
Me drinking a bottle of wine every weekend and surviving on top ramen 3 days in a row when I'm lazy: "when I'm what?"
diarrhea_fingerpaint:
Having children does not guarantee that they will care for you.
IceSeeker:
Exactly. Thinking that your kids will someday look after you is basically setting yourself up to disappointment. I've seen many old people who are so bitter and angry because their kids won't take care of them.
13points
#22
Because a hypothetical man in the future may want you to.
I_love_pillows:
As I guy the response:
“What if your future wife wants”
Me: “Easy I don’t marry women who want kids”
“What if they want later on”
“We will break up”
justlikeinmydreams:
Happened to me. He wanted kids, we broke up. The end.
I_love_pillows:
As I guy the response:
“What if your future wife wants”
Me: “Easy I don’t marry women who want kids”
“What if they want later on”
“We will break up”
justlikeinmydreams:
Happened to me. He wanted kids, we broke up. The end.
13points
#23
"if you'll have one you'll change your mind about them!"
Umm, hell no.
I am disabled, I have crippling migraines and baby voices are my top trigger.
- I don't think pregnancy allows you to grow new nervous system that is not messed up and will now not react to high pitched noises with pain and vomiting.
SuicidePeaches:
I've gotten that one before too and it is extra messed up in my opinion. "I don't want kids but I'll have one just to see if I like it then"? How insane do you have to be to think that's an acceptable thought to have about bringing a child, another living, breathing, thinking, feeling being into this horrible show of a world?
giraffes_are_selfish:
This! My coworker told me once I had kids, I'd change my mind and want them. What?! It's scary the amount of times this has been said to me. I can't wrap my brain around it. Why are people having kids if they didn't want them in the first place? Now you're stuck with them.
Umm, hell no.
I am disabled, I have crippling migraines and baby voices are my top trigger.
- I don't think pregnancy allows you to grow new nervous system that is not messed up and will now not react to high pitched noises with pain and vomiting.
SuicidePeaches:
I've gotten that one before too and it is extra messed up in my opinion. "I don't want kids but I'll have one just to see if I like it then"? How insane do you have to be to think that's an acceptable thought to have about bringing a child, another living, breathing, thinking, feeling being into this horrible show of a world?
giraffes_are_selfish:
This! My coworker told me once I had kids, I'd change my mind and want them. What?! It's scary the amount of times this has been said to me. I can't wrap my brain around it. Why are people having kids if they didn't want them in the first place? Now you're stuck with them.
13points
#24
I‘m a woman, so therefore I can‘t help myself bc I‘ll feel the urge to do so. I‘m 33, I‘m good 🧍🏻♀️.
pippintook24:
I'm 41 and have been working in childcare since I was 16. BEST. BIRTH CONTROL. EVER.
I do like kids. I love all of my nieces and nephews, and my friends kids. I just also know that I like the freedom that comes with not having kids.
kaysarahkay:
Im 36, still waiting for those instinct to kick in too
pippintook24:
I'm 41 and have been working in childcare since I was 16. BEST. BIRTH CONTROL. EVER.
I do like kids. I love all of my nieces and nephews, and my friends kids. I just also know that I like the freedom that comes with not having kids.
kaysarahkay:
Im 36, still waiting for those instinct to kick in too
12points
#25
"You'll never feel real love until you're a parent."
So..I guess you don't love your family, your friends, your partner? Must be a sad life.
IrrawaddyWoman:
Yeah, I’ve gotten this one too. Or “I don’t realize that my life didn’t have meaning until I had kids.”
Sorry, but just because YOUR life had no meaning without kids doesn’t mean that everyone’s life has no meaning without kids. Not everyone needs to have a kid keeping them busy to feel meaning.
sedahren:
Exactly. I feel meaning through many things.
So..I guess you don't love your family, your friends, your partner? Must be a sad life.
IrrawaddyWoman:
Yeah, I’ve gotten this one too. Or “I don’t realize that my life didn’t have meaning until I had kids.”
Sorry, but just because YOUR life had no meaning without kids doesn’t mean that everyone’s life has no meaning without kids. Not everyone needs to have a kid keeping them busy to feel meaning.
sedahren:
Exactly. I feel meaning through many things.
12points
#26
"What do you have to show for 10 years of marriage?" My MIL asked my friend this on her 10th wedding anniversary when she came to pick up the cake i had made for her...
Squidwina:
“I have a 10-year marriage. And a cake.”
Moonwalker_For_Life:
"I have a wonderful husband and a life I built myself. What do you have, Sharon? Oh right, a divorce."
Squidwina:
“I have a 10-year marriage. And a cake.”
Moonwalker_For_Life:
"I have a wonderful husband and a life I built myself. What do you have, Sharon? Oh right, a divorce."
12points
#27
Kids come with blessings.
lemons_of_doubt:
The blessing of no money, no sleep, and no free time
lemons_of_doubt:
The blessing of no money, no sleep, and no free time
12points
#28
The weirdest reason? That I'm 'wasting my potential'. My potential is being used to live exactly how I want, without asking for permission. My freedom is non-negotiable.
12points
#29
Because I’m good with kids.
I love kids - that I’m related to. And I love leaving them with their parents when I go home. People seem to think being childfree means hating children. A very small number of people are anti-natal but most of us just don’t want to have kids.
pestilencerat:
Honestly. I love kids, used to work part time at a daycare, love playing with friends' and siblings' kids, but that does not in any way translate to me wanting my own. I know i'm good with children! I like hanging out with children! It rocks so hard to give it my all for a few hours and then go home and not having to think about them what so ever
Hanging out with kids is a hobby and i have no interest in going pro
chronicsick:
Yeah, a lot of my friends are teachers, and almost every single one of them is childfree on top of that. They think just because you work with kids or good around kids means you want them.
A lot of my friends who are childfree teachers have said that they would rather die than have kids, because working with them for 6 to 8 hours a day is stressful enough.
I love kids - that I’m related to. And I love leaving them with their parents when I go home. People seem to think being childfree means hating children. A very small number of people are anti-natal but most of us just don’t want to have kids.
pestilencerat:
Honestly. I love kids, used to work part time at a daycare, love playing with friends' and siblings' kids, but that does not in any way translate to me wanting my own. I know i'm good with children! I like hanging out with children! It rocks so hard to give it my all for a few hours and then go home and not having to think about them what so ever
Hanging out with kids is a hobby and i have no interest in going pro
chronicsick:
Yeah, a lot of my friends are teachers, and almost every single one of them is childfree on top of that. They think just because you work with kids or good around kids means you want them.
A lot of my friends who are childfree teachers have said that they would rather die than have kids, because working with them for 6 to 8 hours a day is stressful enough.
11points
#30
"You're really smart you need to pass those genes on!"
Mate, I've seen smart parents have a kid who was about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. There is NO guarantee there.
oh_emmy_lou:
The sweetest but dumbest couple I know (I mean that in a nice way) have a genius level kid. The mum and I were out on a girls night and after a few drinks, she confided that she was slightly terrified of how smart her kid was, and that she couldn't relate to him in any way. She just wanted him to join a footy team and go hunting with his dad, while the kid was conducting science experiments and rebuilding computers for fun. She said he ask her questions that she couldn't answer, and school was constantly pushing them to give him extension work that she couldn't help with. It was actually quite sad.
Phlydude:
Sounds like my childhood...but I did do the sport and hunting thing as well. But my parents were not the brightest bulbs in the box and my dad would get pissed off when I completed my homework too quickly and my mother would yell at me that I ask too many questions. My grandfather even told her that it was my way of learning and that she shouldn't get mad at me for asking questions. So she told him to take me for the day...he bribed me to stop asking so many questions after a couple hours.
Mate, I've seen smart parents have a kid who was about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. There is NO guarantee there.
oh_emmy_lou:
The sweetest but dumbest couple I know (I mean that in a nice way) have a genius level kid. The mum and I were out on a girls night and after a few drinks, she confided that she was slightly terrified of how smart her kid was, and that she couldn't relate to him in any way. She just wanted him to join a footy team and go hunting with his dad, while the kid was conducting science experiments and rebuilding computers for fun. She said he ask her questions that she couldn't answer, and school was constantly pushing them to give him extension work that she couldn't help with. It was actually quite sad.
Phlydude:
Sounds like my childhood...but I did do the sport and hunting thing as well. But my parents were not the brightest bulbs in the box and my dad would get pissed off when I completed my homework too quickly and my mother would yell at me that I ask too many questions. My grandfather even told her that it was my way of learning and that she shouldn't get mad at me for asking questions. So she told him to take me for the day...he bribed me to stop asking so many questions after a couple hours.
10points
#31
"You love children" - I trained as a teacher and left 6 years into my career and intense burnout due to the fact that I am autistic and children are sensory hell.
10points
#32
"It's selfish not to have kids" and "you're not a real adult until you have children" are the ones that annoyed me the most.
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10points
#33
Not fully the question but it’s very common online for people to say “unless you’re a parent you can’t have an opinion” “go have a kid yourself then I’ll listen”
I was a director level preschool lead for years and have taken much more coursework in child development than the average parent. I don’t need to physically have a child to have an opinion on your child sitting on their iPad for 10 hours a day.
Parents and especially mothers claim “mom-shaming” at any criticism that makes them feel ashamed.
I was a director level preschool lead for years and have taken much more coursework in child development than the average parent. I don’t need to physically have a child to have an opinion on your child sitting on their iPad for 10 hours a day.
Parents and especially mothers claim “mom-shaming” at any criticism that makes them feel ashamed.
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10points
#34
“You get early boarding on airplanes" like what.
Layla5069:
I board without kids and I promise it is infinitely less stressful. I see how my SIL struggles.
sebs94:
As someone with kids. I board at the end, less time my kid has to sit in the airplane
Layla5069:
I board without kids and I promise it is infinitely less stressful. I see how my SIL struggles.
sebs94:
As someone with kids. I board at the end, less time my kid has to sit in the airplane
9points
#35
“You’re gonna need someone to take care of you when you’re older”.
Yeah, no thanks. I’ll live in a care facility, thank you very much. Or just save up my own money to pay for someone. Or be like my neighbours who are 95. Perfectly healthy.
Comfortable-River917:
I work with elderly.. you can have 10 kids, doesn’t mean they’ll have „time” to visit
sobrique:
And maybe their 'not having time' is in proportion to how much they're expected to be servant
Yeah, no thanks. I’ll live in a care facility, thank you very much. Or just save up my own money to pay for someone. Or be like my neighbours who are 95. Perfectly healthy.
Comfortable-River917:
I work with elderly.. you can have 10 kids, doesn’t mean they’ll have „time” to visit
sobrique:
And maybe their 'not having time' is in proportion to how much they're expected to be servant
9points
#36
"So you have something to discuss about with your coworkers"
Later edit: the person who told me this had 2 kids, weaned them asap at a few months and then left them with her parents in a different state to raise. She got them back when they were of middleschool age because she thought the schools in her district were better. So idk what she was talking about with her coworkera cuz she didnt raise them either?!?!
jdsizzle1:
The only work related perk I can see from having kids is paternity leave and the ability to call in sick or work from home because of your kid with no questions asked.
But then all the coworkers I do have with kids spend all their time at the office to be away from their kids so they can focus.
Later edit: the person who told me this had 2 kids, weaned them asap at a few months and then left them with her parents in a different state to raise. She got them back when they were of middleschool age because she thought the schools in her district were better. So idk what she was talking about with her coworkera cuz she didnt raise them either?!?!
jdsizzle1:
The only work related perk I can see from having kids is paternity leave and the ability to call in sick or work from home because of your kid with no questions asked.
But then all the coworkers I do have with kids spend all their time at the office to be away from their kids so they can focus.
9points
#37
The good ol “youll change your mind” can’t stand someone saying that when they don’t know my feelings or reasons about being childfree.
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9points
#38
“So you can have experiences like this!”
(The experience was my mother-in-laws son cooking dinner and us all sitting down for a meal… apparently having meals with people you love is unattainable without kids).
eejm:
UGH. My MIL was itching for us to have a kid so she could have something to do. I was dumbfounded at the idea that she could find literally nothing to do with her life other than caring for theoretical grandchildren.
We did eventually have one child and my SIL has three. My MIL quit her job the morning my SIL’s oldest son was born and set about being his full time caregiver (and his brother and sister when they came along). About ten years into that, my MIL developed dementia. She really didn’t get to spend her retirement doing anything but full time childcare. If she was fulfilled, that’s great, but it just seems kind of empty to me.
(The experience was my mother-in-laws son cooking dinner and us all sitting down for a meal… apparently having meals with people you love is unattainable without kids).
eejm:
UGH. My MIL was itching for us to have a kid so she could have something to do. I was dumbfounded at the idea that she could find literally nothing to do with her life other than caring for theoretical grandchildren.
We did eventually have one child and my SIL has three. My MIL quit her job the morning my SIL’s oldest son was born and set about being his full time caregiver (and his brother and sister when they came along). About ten years into that, my MIL developed dementia. She really didn’t get to spend her retirement doing anything but full time childcare. If she was fulfilled, that’s great, but it just seems kind of empty to me.
9points
#39
Because they wanted their child to have a cousin around the same age so they could grow up together. Note I had no partner and no job at that point.
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9points
#40
A number of friends with kids love to trot out “it’s life-changing” and I always chuckle wondering if they realize that’s not necessarily a selling point.
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9points
