Comedy fans know that you can deliver a punchline in different ways. You can tell it as a story to keep listeners entertained, or you can cut the fat and get straight to the point.
Neither approach is wrong, but today we’re focusing on the latter. The following posts are from the Two Sentence Comedy subreddit, where people skip the preamble and get straight to the point.
If you enjoy punchy, quick-witted comedy, you will likely enjoy scrolling through this list. You may even want to steal one or two to use as an icebreaker.
#41
There I was, watching my business go down the drain.
Who puts a heater in an ice cream factory?
Who puts a heater in an ice cream factory?
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3points
#42
"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones," she sneered.
"Joke's on you, this is aluminium oxynitride," I laugh, as the rock bounces off my house and hits her right back in her stupid head.
"Joke's on you, this is aluminium oxynitride," I laugh, as the rock bounces off my house and hits her right back in her stupid head.
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3points
#43
My friend told me not to let one disgruntled customer get me down.
"Everyone knows you're the best copper merchant in Ur!"
"Everyone knows you're the best copper merchant in Ur!"
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3points
#44
I hugged my brother one final time as the gas surrounded us.
Hey, it's not my fault that I have a phobia of fog machines.
Hey, it's not my fault that I have a phobia of fog machines.
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3points
#45
When my little sister clawed at her throat and gasped for breath, I started googling frenetically.
She still persisted after I shoved the Wikipedia page in her face and said, “It says here that peanuts aren’t nuts; they are legumes.”
She still persisted after I shoved the Wikipedia page in her face and said, “It says here that peanuts aren’t nuts; they are legumes.”
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2points
#46
They said ending a French vampire was simple, one just has to stab a baguette through its heart.
But as it turns out it’s actually a painstaking endeavor.
But as it turns out it’s actually a painstaking endeavor.
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2points
#47
Patient: "I'm here for the scheduled ultrasound that my gynecologist ordered because I'm 6 months pregnant"
Receptionist: "If you could give us a sample for the pregnancy test, I'll hand you this cup and the restroom is over there".
Receptionist: "If you could give us a sample for the pregnancy test, I'll hand you this cup and the restroom is over there".
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1point
#48
I already lost 10 pounds since I started training fencing
Now, if I can only get my other arm cut off...
Now, if I can only get my other arm cut off...
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1point
#49
I would never date a girl with an adult entertainment profile
She’s attractive, confident, making decent money, whilst I bring nothing to the table.
She’s attractive, confident, making decent money, whilst I bring nothing to the table.
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0points
#50
I didn’t want to hear the words coming out of her mouth, “I’m sorry Sir but your daughter didn’t make it”.
I picked up her picture and whispered, with tears in my eyes, “ok maybe I helped with some of the finer details but she did do some of the drawing”.
I picked up her picture and whispered, with tears in my eyes, “ok maybe I helped with some of the finer details but she did do some of the drawing”.
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-2points
#51
"What about long innuendos?" I confusedly asked my girlfriend.
"That's what," she said.
"That's what," she said.
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-2points
#52
My girlfriend just confessed me that she has powers to make people forget
Lmao there is no way I wrote that.
Lmao there is no way I wrote that.
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-2points
#53
"If word gets out that I've invented a time machine," said the scientist, "someone might try to use it to go back to World War II and end rulers."
The lab assistant responded with, "Who?"
The lab assistant responded with, "Who?"
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-3points
#54
I asked my wife why she hadn’t touched alcohol ever since the birth of our twins 6 years ago.
"Because ever since you started drinking you've been referring to my implants as "our twins" ".
"Because ever since you started drinking you've been referring to my implants as "our twins" ".
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-3points
#55
“We’ve got no choice but to sell you to pay our debts.” My parents coldly informed me.
As I petitely looked up at my new owners, I recognized them as the boyband whose posters my sister had on her wall.
As I petitely looked up at my new owners, I recognized them as the boyband whose posters my sister had on her wall.
-4points
#56
"I beg your pardon" said the hearing impaired criminal after the king sentenced him to life in prison.
The king responded - "No darn way."
The king responded - "No darn way."
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-4points
#57
Today my ex texted, “c u in Hell, jerk!!!”
I figured ending my ex last week meant an eternity in Hell, but it's a bummer knowing she’ll be there too.
I figured ending my ex last week meant an eternity in Hell, but it's a bummer knowing she’ll be there too.
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-4points
#58
“Solve my riddle: what has feathers, fangs, is larger than a mountain but lighter than a mouse, crumbles under your fingertip but can end you with a word?” the sphinx said.
“Your momma.”
“Your momma.”
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-4points
#59
"Wow," I said to my new friend I just made, "these potato chips are out of this world!
"That's because I am a alien," he replied, and then his skin turned green and his head got real big.
"That's because I am a alien," he replied, and then his skin turned green and his head got real big.
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-5points
#60
"For sale: Baby shoes, never worn."
Why the supermarket thought they were a suitable substitute for cornflakes is something I will never know.
Why the supermarket thought they were a suitable substitute for cornflakes is something I will never know.
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-5points