“My Wedding Day”: 92 Times People Misread Social Cues So Badly, It Still Hurts To Remember

My husband and his cousin were both receiving chemo at the same time. At Family Christmas I kissed the wrong bald head. While wearing bright lipstick. That proved pretty resistant to removal. They're both fine now. Me? Not quite

I’m hanging out with people who I really want to think I am cool. One of them says, “Who here is OBSESSED with Serial???!!” (Back in the day when that podcast was new and big. But I didn’t hear it that way… ) I said, “Oh I LOVE cereal. My favorite is Life.” My brain reminds me of this exchange every time it wants to be a jerk to me. In fact, I refer to these types of scenarios as “cereal moments” now.

Back when “your mom” was a thing. Said it to a friend the week he came back after his mom passed away. I cried, he laughed.

A loooong time ago I sold Cutco. At one of their sales award dinners, I was talking to a woman at the table I was sitting at. I forgot how it came up but she asked me, "How old do you think I am?"
Me: "I'm a really bad judge of age."
Her: "No, really - how old do you think I am?"
Me: I'm telling you, I'm a really bad judge of age!"
Her: "Go ahead, tell me."
Me: "I dunno...50?"
Her (no longer smiling): "...I'm 35"
*for the record, she was a tore up 35, sorry

I studied abroad in England when I was in college. I was miserable. All it did was rain. One day I took myself shoe shopping because I knew that was a thing that made me happy. I was looking at a wall of shoes when the worker walked up and said in a very British way “you all right?“. I immediately started sobbing and blubbering about how hard it was; how much it rained; how no one made eye contact. He took a deep breath and said “I just needed to know if you wanted to try something on”.

I was enjoying reading this thread until I remembered that as a teenager working in a nursing home I literally complained my feet hurt TO A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR... WHOSE LEGS WERE AMPUTATED AT THE KNEES. I THINK IM GOING TO HELL.

I turned a corner and was in the way of someone driving a fork lift at the local garden shop. He politely said “excuse me”.
I moved, of course.
When he yelled, “thank you, miss!”
I switched from “you’re welcome!” & “no problem,” ultimately saying, chipperly, “You’re the problem!”

I was doing a post-grad in children’s mental health. We were about 6 months in and it had been super busy, non stop. One morning on the schedule the topic was ‘sleep’. I was so pleased they were giving us a morning to catch up on rest!! Que waking up to loads of messages asking where I was. The topic of that days lecture was sleep hygiene in children

One time in college I was eating pizza for lunch and I had to sneeze. I moved my water bottle closer to me for some reason and had to sneeze. I hit my forehead on my water bottle in front of a ton of other students. Then I proceeded to pick up my pizza and I sneezed again smashing the pizza into my shirt.

I was 14. It was my first job interview EVER. It was for Sonic Drive Thru. The interviewer asked me, “So what are some reasons someone might miss work?” I said, “Ugh… the stability, the friends you make there, you’re busy so you don’t get bored”.
It hit me after the interview. They weren’t asking why someone would miss AKA LONG FOR AND DESIRE. They meant “miss work” as in… not come in. Calling into work. I think about this once every 2 months

I was maybe 12. Our [male] youth group leader asked "Who do you want to be when you grow up?"
I shouted out with confidence "Your wife!"....... because his wife was the children's minister and that's the job I wanted. She was also like a second mom to me and I admired her!
Everyone laughed at me, of course. No one ever brought it up again but it later made for a lighthearted story at her funeral that got everyone smiling

It was my wedding day, and we eloped in a cute little botanical garden. There was a gas leak on site, so we got stuck there for a while, and by the time they let people leave, we were STARVING.
We stopped at a local banh mi place on the way home, still all dressed up. The owner of the shop came over, saw us in our wedding attire, and said our lunch was on the house.
I said “you just made my whole day!” While sitting across the table from my new husband. Whom I had just married. That day.

I was leaving Chick-Fil-A with my takeout order. There were some ppl coming in while I was going out. Instead of saying excuse me, I said, “coming through, fries on deck.” I’m cringing writing it. Where did that come from? I’m such a nerd!! My son and I randomly say it to each other now.
I’ve never told another living soul that story.

Lou Diamond Phillips visited a movie set I worked on in the early 90’s. It was shortly after Young Gun and La Bamba rocketed him to fame. He kindly approached me one day, shook my hand and said, “Hi, I’m Lou.” I replied, “Hi, I’m Lou, too.”
He called me Lou for the rest of the week. My name is Lori.

I am always making it awkward! I was at my husband’s Christmas party years ago. He introduced me to one of his coworkers and his wife. She said she was a professor at a college so I asked what she taught. It was very loud and I thought she said Homosexuality. After a few awkward questions like, “that must be difficult since you aren’t,” she clarified that she taught Human Sexuality. Happy Pride month!

I was a shy pre-teen at the public pool and a very cute boy at the entrance said, “Howdy, you” and I said “Howdy” back with a giant smile and then he said “howdy, you” again and I was like, “um…howdy?” And then he loudly and slowly enunciated, “I SAID HOW OLD ARE YOU?” He just wanted to know what rate to charge me.

In first grade, my teacher was going on and on about my very curly hair. She asked me if it was natural or permanent. I looked at her like she was nuts. Of course it was permanent. I didn’t know what natural meant, but I knew my hair wasn’t going away! She must have been so confused when my hair got curlier and curlier over the years. But I wasn’t, because it’s permanent, lol.

Having a child has fundamentally altered my vocabulary.
I was at a camapign event recently, and I accidentally told a group of supporters "night night" as they were leaving the event.
They were grown adults. I think about it everyday.

I went on a date.
I got to the terrace, wasn’t busy, saw a guy sitting alone. He looked nothing like his pictures.
“Hi! Omg almost missed my tram but I made it haha Nice to meet you! How are you?”
And sat down.
The guy was looking at me like:
👁️👄👁️
I remember thinking:
“Wtf is wrong with him, why is he so weird?”
Then I heard someone call my name from behind me.
I turned around.
It was my actual date.
Apparently my only criteria was man sitting at table
We dated for 18months.

I started (but didn't finish) an MA. When the lady mentoring me asked "where is your research at, right now" I answered "on top of my filing cabinet " It wasn't untilI got home, that the penny dropped