Medical Staff Still Crack Up After Remembering These 75 Wild Things Sedated Patients Blurted Out

My surgery required my body cavity to be inflated with gas, and I asked the nurse afterward if they squeezed the air out of me like a whoopee cushion.
I also kept falling asleep and being overjoyed to see my husband over and over again.

A friend was having a hip replacement and the anesthesia wore off in the midst of the surgery. She could hear banging and hammering and yelled out “What are you doing down there, building a fence?!?” Instant silence as they put her back under. Later she had a laugh with the doctor who told her she had everyone busting a gut with laughter.

Doesn't really fit the question, but i woke up from wisdom teeth surgery and the first thing I remember was someone telling me not to eat hard foods for a while. Apparently I started signing (just spelling out the words) in ASL, asking if I could have yogurt. The tech said hold on, do that again. And then she said yes, I can have yogurt. I didn't know i had retained that much when I learned the ASL alphabet when I was 10. I was 36 at the time of the surgery fwiw.

Okay this isn’t about a patient but about the anesthesiologist which I found SO funny. I’ve had multiple colonoscopies throughout my life and had c sections so I’ve dealt with a few anesthesiologists in my life. Most of the ones I’ve had are around the same age, 35-50 age range. They’ve all been awesome and just ask innocent questions as they sedate me so I don’t really know what’s going on as it’s happening and then I’m asleep. The last anesthesiologist I had was fairly young, and had an even younger resident with them. They were like “ok, we’re going to do sedation now” and I said okay and then as they administered it they just said “K BYEEEEE” I found it so funny 😂😂😂😂.

Surgery to remove wisdom teeth, I kept asking the nurse out on a date. I was a 14 year old boy, who had never asked anyone out before because I was scared. 

I don't remember half that day. My step dad said I was ridiculously confident and hit on several women. Like 3 random women at Walmart, the cashier at Hardee's. .

I've had a few health issues so a number of surgeries. My husband says I'm so embarrassing because I compliment nurses and staff, but on like things people might be embarrassed by. Like he said he almost left the room when I was complimenting a mole on her face and how symmetry is boring and she looked so interesting I wanted to look at her pretty face for hours, because of her giant mole.

Immediately after being woken up the nurses were trying to get me to eat, asking if I would like some food. My response apparently was "I love food, how do you think I got this amazing physique" (I am quite rotund).

I remember when I was last put under, and coming out of it they were moving me to a room. The hall way I got transferred thru felt a little cold. I said to the nurse "are you taking me outside? You know its winter time right now".

Not an anaesthesiologist, but my dad insisted the one nurse had three legs. Eventually he decided there was something up with her shoes. There wasn't.

My husband had a colonoscopy today and when he was more alert I told him that the gastroenterologist wanted to see him again in 6 months and his response was 'to say hi?'.

Not an anesthesiologist, but have a funny story of my oldest son.

He didn't have his tonsils removed until he was 16. By then, he'd been wearing a full beard for a tear and was worried they'd make him shave it off before his surgery or they'd shave him after he got there, despite repeated reassurances he had nothing to worry about.

The very first thing he did when he started waking up was frantically rubbing his face, over and over again, horsey whispering, "Do I still have a face?!"

I managed to get my laughter under control long enough to reassure him he had both a face AND his beard was still intact!

Opposite but, my anesthesiologist at a recent hysterectomy went "You nervous?" I replied with "Yeah, a little" and he goes "Not anymore! :)"

Out like a light.

Not a doctor, but apparently the surgery team were telling me to imagine a nice bundle of kittens sleeping on my chest to help calm me down beforehand, and the last thing i said before it was lights out "yeah, i f****n love cats"

Then when I woke up i greeted the doctor like he was my best friend, because I was more akin to a drunk goblin woman.

When my 12-yo son woke up from having spinal fusion he kept on asking for Dr. Suess. Said he had to talk to him about something. 😂😂😂.

Anaesthetic assistant here.

We had a guy who had a decent premed due to nerves. The d**g used works kinda like alcohol in that it lowers inhibitions and relaxes you. Generally people just get a bit sleepy and chill but the odd person ends up talking up a storm about whatever was on their mind at the time.

So this guy looks around and asks "do you guys have a p***s chart?"


I'm like "whaaaa?" we aren't working in urology today.


He clarifies "you know where you rank and compare people's p*****s after they're asleep?"

Well, no we don't. We don't care and for most surgery it's kept covered up.


However. In this case the patient needed a catheter placed because it was a long procedure. And. He. Was. Packing.


If I had a chart he would still be at the top. Second place wouldn't even be close.

I unfortunately lashed out under the twilight type anesthesia. Not even coming out of it, still under it. The doctors said it was a good thing I didn’t have shoes on or the kick I landed would have hurt more. They did admit it was kinda their fault though. I told them not to touch my leg (long story), and they did anyway, which is what triggered me into fighting them. I was absolutely mortified when I found out, but my husband said he wasn’t surprised at all.

When my mom was under once she gained awareness and heard the surgeon gossiping about someone she knew. So apparently she horrified the postop nurse by immediately going “Oh I know (Jane Smith) too!”.

I asked the nurse* to adopt me, except she didn't understand what I was mumbling, so my husband translated.

She didn't adopt me, but she gave me a little pillow which I still have years later.

*recovery nurse, not anesthesiologist.

My mom woke up after her hip replacement and asked if she was in the morgue.

Patient here — the anesthesiologist who put me under for my IVF surgery told me I said the funniest thing she’d ever heard in her entire career. She had me counting down from 10 (I only remember getting to like 6 or 7) but apparently at the very end I said “ok, you win…”.

I worked in the funeral industry and I was like 98% out of it when they transferred me to the table and my head knocked - told them that’s what a d**d person’s head sounds like. I was a fighter when I woke up.