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Aging is a natural part of everyone’s life. And it doesn’t just hit you in your 30s, although sometimes it may feel that way. It starts the moment you’re conceived, but the process looks different for everyone. Genes, environment, and lifestyle all shape how you feel as you age.
For women, aging is often a tough road to traverse. Psychologist Amber Wardell, Ph.D., says societal norms may push to preserve a youthful appearance, while bodily changes point toward a new chapter. Expectations can create a disconnect between what a woman sees in the mirror and how she feels inside. It can get disorienting or upsetting.
As a result, many middle-aged women invest in expensive, time-consuming procedures, skincare routines, and try to fit into clothes that no longer suit them. Most still feel young and vibrant internally, so the need to hide external signs of aging grows stronger to better align the mind and body.
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#4
Turns out IT WAS FOOD ALLERGIES.
I figured out through some blood testing that I developed allergies to innocuous seeming things. In addition to gluten, i'm allergic to potatoes, rice, most nuts, corn.
So in case you're wondering that's most starchy food.
After cutting those foods out as an experiment, not only did my GERD resolve but my "hot flashes" after eating are gone. In fact my whole body feels cooler ad more comfortable.
Do don't just assume weird body things are hormones, it could be allergies. Even GERD! I was on daily antacids for 10 years and I'm off them completely now.
#5
Weight goes to my stomach now and clings on for dear life.
The drooping of my hoods make my eyes look tiny, and exhausted.
I used to have a smiley upturn of my lips, now the corners of my mouth are closer to my nipples than my eyes.
My nipples are also lower than they were 10 years ago.
My back/rib cage is constantly growing wider. By the time I'm 60, I expect my silhouette to be a full-blown triangle.
ETA on the upside, I'm happier than I ever was as a tight, sprightly 18 years old.
Wardell names shifting the narrative and focusing on the inner self as key to thriving in your 40s. First, don’t give in to the anti-aging industry. The industry is built to reinforce toxic societal norms and profit from it. View aging as a natural part of life. There is nothing wrong with seeing a mismatch between the inner and outer self. Your body will change, but your psychological self can remain youthful as long as you desire.
The psychologist also advises separating oppressive gazes from self-worth. Objectification is a part of society’s toxic obsession with youth. Freeing from it with age is an opportunity to grow as a person.
#6
Even though this is well known fact as you age, I still wasn't prepared for how much a slower metabolism would impact my weight, and the need to make so many changes to my diet and exercise habits to maintain a lower weight. I think the consistency is the hardest part.
I joke with my younger cousins: "you know when you're like 22, and if you just eat healthy for one day, you're back to looking great? Well, in your 30s, it takes 3-4 days of that. And in your 40s? Well, you pretty much can't do a 'cheat meal' more than once a week"
It has been the most disappointing thing as I've aged. :(.
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Some nights it's 4 hours, some it's 8, some it's 13. Regardless? I'm exhausted by midday. It's utterly absurd and annoying.
Get vocal about the changes you experience with age. Speaking up will help normalize healthier attitudes and understanding of the aging process for yourself and other women. Foster a community with different outlooks and share experiences and opinions.
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Perimenopause and low estrogen is just the start of “well it couldn’t be worse than periods or pregnancy.”
• You get rage, unpredictably of course, when your hormones are out of whack and no longer follow a monthly cycle.
• Skin start looking older and less elastic.
• v****a gets dry, you get more infections because it’s dry,
• your labia and clit atrophy.
• You get facial hair.
Love your body as it is in your 30s and care for it. You don’t realize how much you are taking for granted by neglecting it.
Therapist Carolyn Karoll, LCSW-C, CEDS-S, offers more helpful advice for women to embrace aging. She encourages adopting realistic role models that embody strength, wisdom, courage, or other values beyond physical appearance. Following someone you admire will provide motivation and create a more realistic view of aging. Especially if you avoid media images and instead find strength in family members and friends.
#12
I don’t know if this was always the case or if I’m just noticing it now, but I feel like I’ve gotten grosser. Smellier, sloppier, just all around yucky. I fantasize about grooming myself and it feels good to do it in a way it didn’t when I was younger.
The skin on the bottom of my feet is so thick I have to debride it with razors mounted on debriding tools.
My hair is thinner and I’m balding.
#13
I always suspected my 40s and 50s would be good but I was not prepared mentally for becoming an actual athlete, let alone a fat one. I'm even preparing for competition. The best part is despite the idea that over 200lbs is too fat to ride (it's not), my weight is actually an advantage with this type of riding (dressage). I have the weight and strength to physically manage my horse, help move their body with my own and support them through different movements by holding my body correctly. I ride big horses and feel like a warrior. I'm happier with my body than I've been in decades.
#14
Between the ages of 36-38, I went from a size 4 to a size 8 with no change in diet or exercise. Was always thin and now my body is curvy.
I always had super thick hair and it is still thick but WAY less thick. I'm guessing in about 10 years it'll be thin.
I have wrinkly/droopy skin on my legs. My legs were always my best asset and now I don't let anyone see them. My forearms and hands are getting this, too; next thing you know, I'll be fully cloaked in all seasons, lol.
My chin has become more square. I don't recognize myself sometimes.
Aging is so much funnnnn! I also have had body dysmorphic disorder since age 12, so I'm having a fantastic time. 😎.
Karoll emphasizes self-care and self-compassion. Taking good care of an aging body can do wonders for physical well-being and also help close the gap between mind and body. Good starting points include stretching, meditating, and seeing your doctor regularly for checkups. Respond to your body’s physical needs. Even something as simple as applying lotion to drier skin helps embrace the change. Don’t blame your body for the natural processes of aging. Treat yourself with the same kindness and care that you would a friend.
#16
Sometimes I don’t mind though. There are certain things I like more about myself as I get older. I know how to be comfortable in my own body, around other people and in space, I can see a difference in photographs especially - I look older but more sophisticated, more effortless. The awkwardness of your teens and twenties often glares through no matter how good you are at posing and editing. Don’t miss that. 😅.
#17
A lot of days, I regret the weight loss because I was lucky enough to look good before the weight loss, and I even felt better physically/health wise before the weight loss. Now, I am weaker and more tired than before.
This isn't to discourage weight loss, I didn't lose it in a healthy manner. Illness, depression, and rapid loss were the cause of feeling worse.
Today, I have gained 20lbs back and have been seeking strength and energy training to maintain and gain back my healthy energy/strength. I don't feel like I look as good (thanks society 😅), but I certainly feel better physically.
Clinical psychologist Julie Erickson, Ph.D., says adults can feel a myriad of negative emotions about growing older. Some get scared and anxious about becoming weaker, more vulnerable, and being less in control of their bodies. Some get embarrassed about the new limitations they face. Others get angry.
These emotions are normal for someone who’s experiencing involuntary changes, but physical challenges shouldn't drain meaning or fun from life. They may change how you live by your values, but not the values themselves. It’s tempting to dwell on how things were, but reevaluating what matters most can help you cope and adapt as you age. Fostering meaningful relationships, community service, learning new things, and connecting with nature are all great ways to build life satisfaction.
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The psychologist says that, for some, aging brings many unhelpful thoughts. People like using their minds to peek into the future, but those peeks are rarely completely accurate. The first challenges of aging bodies can get scary and raise many “what ifs?” While feeling prepared can help ease stress, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the possibilities that might cross the mind. Tackle problems as they arise, and practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present moment.
