Ronald Ulysses Swanson is probably the manliest man that has ever manned on our or any other planet ever. His aim to make government less efficient and a fervent disregard for any public interaction rang close to home to many viewers. His love for woodworking, breakfast food, and nautical literature strummed on the heartstrings of even more of them. And his deadpan humor and stereotypically masculine character made him one of the most beloved personas in the world of situation comedy series. Although mister Swanson wasn’t one to spill his thoughts in an endless stream of words, once he did open his mouth, the phrases would just knock you out cold. And yeah, we went to the lengths of gathering the most impressive ones into an article and are presenting to you our thorough compendium of Ron Swanson quotes.
These relatable quotes will definitely speak volumes of Ron’s character - they are straight to the point, blunt, and without any space for interpretation. His cool quotes tell it exactly how it is, and this is a quality we could all presumably have a bit more of. And although Ron might seem made of stone - an unyielding Man with a capital M - his softer side does shine through, however rarely. Then his beautiful quotes speak about love, friendship, and such camaraderie we should all strive to experience. No other character in the Parks And Recreation series is both as complex and as simple as Ron, and that’s exactly why we like him so much!
So, get ready for the best Ron Swanson quotes just a smidgen down further. His wise words will enlighten you on the matters of life, love, and breakfast foods - all of the most important things for any human being. Be sure to vote for the most inspiring quotes and share this article with your friends afterward!
#81 The Gift Card Conspiracy Revealed
“Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”
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#82 Now That’s Dedication (or Obsession)
“Listen, I’ve eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won’t affect the only part of my job that I like.”
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#83 Cursive Is So Extra
“I prefer quality over flash – that’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive.”
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#84 Signing off on your own hype
"...if you believe in something you sign your name to it."
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#85 Mind Your Own Mood Booster
"The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am."
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#86 Mood: Zero Chill
“I’m not interested in caring about people.”
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#87 No other cuts allowed, apparently
“There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.”
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#88 When Your Breakup Needs a Fire Drill
“The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.”
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#89 Meetings Are About To Get Real
“I’ve created this office as a symbol of how I feel about government. This sawed-off shotgun belonged to a local bootlegger. People who come in here to ask me for things have to stare right down the barrel…”
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#90 Well, that escalated quickly
“Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.”
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#91 Boundaries but Make It Chill
"We will get along just fine, though hopefully not too fine because I am not looking for any new friends. End speech."
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#92 When Bureaucracy Gets Excited About Parks
“There’s a new wind blowing in government, and I don’t like it. All of a sudden there’s all this federal money coming in, and Paul the City Manager is telling us to build parks. Start new community programs. It’s horrifying.”
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#93 Camping Calls for Cowards Like Us
“Gentlemen, wilderness weekend is upon us. There will be no video games, there will be no internet pads. This weekend you have two parents, me and mother nature.”
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#94 Tammy’s just a vibe in this family
”My first ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My second ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My Mom’s name is Tamara… she goes by Tammy.”
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#95 Goals: Low-Key Genius or Office Rebel?
“I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.”
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#96 Alright, This One’s a Bold Take
“History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.”
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#97 Steak goals, no table needed
“I’ll take that steak to go. Please and thank you.”
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#98 Beef always wins, sorry Turkey
“Turkey can never beat cow.”
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#99 Welcome to the United States of Everything
“America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”
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#100 Porch Nights > Club Lights
“An ideal night out, to me, is stepping onto my porch area and grilling up a thick slab of something’s flesh and then popping in a highlight real from the WNBA.”
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