Ronald Ulysses Swanson is probably the manliest man that has ever manned on our or any other planet ever. His aim to make government less efficient and a fervent disregard for any public interaction rang close to home to many viewers. His love for woodworking, breakfast food, and nautical literature strummed on the heartstrings of even more of them. And his deadpan humor and stereotypically masculine character made him one of the most beloved personas in the world of situation comedy series. Although mister Swanson wasn’t one to spill his thoughts in an endless stream of words, once he did open his mouth, the phrases would just knock you out cold. And yeah, we went to the lengths of gathering the most impressive ones into an article and are presenting to you our thorough compendium of Ron Swanson quotes.
These relatable quotes will definitely speak volumes of Ron’s character - they are straight to the point, blunt, and without any space for interpretation. His cool quotes tell it exactly how it is, and this is a quality we could all presumably have a bit more of. And although Ron might seem made of stone - an unyielding Man with a capital M - his softer side does shine through, however rarely. Then his beautiful quotes speak about love, friendship, and such camaraderie we should all strive to experience. No other character in the Parks And Recreation series is both as complex and as simple as Ron, and that’s exactly why we like him so much!
So, get ready for the best Ron Swanson quotes just a smidgen down further. His wise words will enlighten you on the matters of life, love, and breakfast foods - all of the most important things for any human being. Be sure to vote for the most inspiring quotes and share this article with your friends afterward!
#61 Living the steak life without regrets
“I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.”
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#62 Plot Twist: Allergic to Everything
[Describing his allergies] “Cowardice and weak-willed men… and hazelnuts.”
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#63 Comfort zones are basically fortresses
“Well I’ve never been one for meeting new people, or doing new things, or eating new types of food, or traveling outside of southern Indiana. I’ve had the same haircut since 1978 and I’ve driven the same car since 1991. I’ve used the same wooden comb for three decades. I have one bowl. I still get my milk delivered by horse.”
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#64 No Oil Spill, Please
“I assumed this was obvious but in the future, I’d prefer not to be part of any conversation about which body oil is best.”
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#65 Boundaries? Not in My Ride
“Are you going to tell a man that he can’t fart in his own car?”
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#66 Well, that escalated quickly
“I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.”
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#67 Eyewear and Cunning, Naturally
“Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie.”
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#68 Art class confessions, no cap
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, children are terrible artists. And artists are crooks.”
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#69 Marriage: The Ultimate Gamble
“Leslie, I got married twice, both times I was a lot older than those two, and both marriages ended in divorce and a burning effigy. Whose to say what works? You find somebody you like and you roll the dice. That’s all anybody can do.”
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#70 Plot twist: Life’s all about upgrades
“I like some changes. Like when I change a tree into a canoe, or a wife into an ex-wife.”
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#71 Honesty is comedy
“Another word for 'jokes' is 'lies'. I do not lie. Therefore, I do not joke.”
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#72 Taxes, the ultimate plot twist
“There is only one bad word: taxes.”
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#73 Veggies Just Want a Chance
“If it doesn’t have meat, it’s a snack.”
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#74 Built to Last (Even If You Don’t Buy It)
“Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice.”
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#75 Keeping it simple beats overdoing it every time
[Describes his bowling technique] “Straight down the middle. No hook. No spin. No fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.”
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#76 Heavy Pet Energy
“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”
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#77 Jack of All Trades, Master of Canvas
“That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.”
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#78 When Your City Meets Chuck E. Cheese
"I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for-profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model."
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#79 Me? Opening Up? Hard Pass
“I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 mins.”
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#80 Toenail Hulk Mode Activated
“Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They're too strong for clippers.”
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