192 Things People Don’t Realise You’re Doing Because Of Your Depression

My boyfriend fits every one of these. I also think he is afraid to go out when we are in an unfamiler place. He hides out. I was taking it personally and thought he didn't want to be with me. How can I help him?

I'm still alive... I feel guilty that this feels like an achievement.

I'm still alive... I feel guilty that this feels like an achievement.

I never had an overwhelming desire to become a nurse or teacher. Going on 30, I still have no clue what I want to be when I “grow up.” When I was 22 and graduating from college, I decided I would go ahead and get my MRS degree, because as long as I was married and someone took care of me, it didn’t matter what I made of my life. Fast forward 7 years later, and I’m divorced (no children, thankfully), and I’m back at a job I had when I was 19. And boy, it sure has changed. But have I? I try to live and work a 12 step program, but most days all I can do is psych myself up to just leave to go to work. No matter how much sleep I get, I never feel caught up or rested. People ask me to hang out, and I put it off everyday because all I want to do with my spare time is curl up into a ball on the couch. Although, I’m not the alcoholic, I know what it is like to become so absorbed with another human being it feels like you don’t know where they end and you begin. When you’re spending the majority of your time alone, it becomes so hard not to let your negative thinking get the best of you. Comparison is the thief of joy, but in our generation it hard to stop comparing yourself to where you think you should be. I also strive to live a life where I don’t nurse my resentments, but I have an extremely hard time letting things go. When your life doesn’t feel like it is going anywhere professionally or personally, it just feels as if you almost have nothing to live for. I keep thinking one day it will just click, life will get easier, with that move- that different job- etc., but the truth is happiness is an inside job. I just haven’t figured out at this age what exactly that means for me. I used to think well if I can just make this marriage work, everything else will fall into place. And then I just realized one day I couldn’t live like that anymore, and I had to work on me for me because I’m the only one who can save me. I also used to pick my ex husband apart. And now that it’s just me (and two cats), I’m the only one left to pick apart. I used to get so annoyed with him for his sleeping issues. And lately it has come full circle - now I suffer from insomnia. I think at the end of the day the biggest lesson to learn is to be kind- to yourself and to others. We are all trying to fight our demons on our own time in our own way.

The highlight of any given weekend for me, is when I talk online with a couple friends of mine and we write stories together based on a mid-90's cartoon.

For a few hours every week, I can forget I'm me.

I've decided to break a streak of hiding away from other humans and accepted an invitation to a country house of one of my virtual aquaintances. It was a lovely stay; they have dogs, cats, farm animals and a lot of greenery around the house. No road or cars passing by. I thrived. I kinda bonded with one of the host' work colleagues there. A nice girl, not someone I'd ususally think of as interesting, but really cordial. She said: "When we're coming back to the city, I wanna visit you!" I was like "Erm...my house is a huge mess." She answered; "oh, so you'll just clean it up for the occasion." I stiffened. My house is a bear's den; I don't clean and I don't hoover it like, ever, because I don't have the energy for that. The bathroom floor is littered with trash. The kitchen floor is all sticky. The windows haven't been wiped in years. I haven't made my house proper clean in a long time and frankly, I don't believe this is achievable for me anymore. Most of the time my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes, because I hate the sole thought of washing them so much. My mother was a control freak and made me wash everything twice. Now I just try to ignore the stink and live there anyway.

"Choose happy." Yeah, I get it. Happiness is a choice for some people. I understand that someone can choose to be sad or angry, as well. However, I can want so badly to be happy, and it not happen. This failure makes me even more sad, more depressed, more anxious. "What's wrong with me that this is not working??" And the cycle continues.

Meaningful events don't seem as meaningful to me as they do for other people. Okay, I graduated and got a degree. Please don't say you are proud of me. I don't deserve being celebrated. I didn't do anything. Leave me alone.

If all the above were questions, I'd answer yes to all of them. People call me backwards or anti-social, but just leaving my house makes me anxious and I can't wait to get home again and just stay in bed, watching tv, surrounded by my dogs and cats. I stay home unless I absolutely have to go out.

I moved to a different state where I know no one but my Uncle.... I try to keep my mind occupied with music then I hear a song and cry... both my parents have passed at very young ages mom was 59 (Dec 2008) and then Dad was 64 (Aug 2013) Im an only child, no kids, no husband/boyfriend.....and then I find a friend here and has asked me to go out 10 times and i have some kind of excuse to not go. Im in physical pain (back problems) so limits me but I can still walk (jus cant run no marathon). In the last state I was in EVERYONE wanted to see what "*****" was doing tonight...and always the life of the party...and now I suffer...I cannot find help because of health insurance. I will go day without washing my hair, I even use "dry shampoo"... no one gets it unless they have it....but Im very glad that Im not alone and not crazy (well ya but no..lol).

Trying to keep my brain occupied by garbage (Netflix and video games) and tricking myself into thinking it's amazing so that I stop thinking about how hard life really is

I’m a man, 60 now and have read through this whole thing and I’d say I can relate to about 90% of it. Thinking back, a lot of my depression and anxiety started when I was 13. I did poorly in school and was very antisocial in school, my saving grace at the time was Air Cadets the one place where I had friends and felt I had a purpose. Outside of that I hid my emotions through building models and drinking etc. with some of my cadet friends. Dating for me was a huge brick wall which I eventually climbed but fell back down 2 times. I gave up and joined the Air Force where for 3 years I stayed away from girls and accomplished a great many things. In my 4th year I met someone and am still married.I came back home and have hopped around many different jobs some awesome some bad.My depressed state was probably not helping me, as I became more and more reclusive. I had 2 kids to look after during the day, while I worked nights so we didn’t need daycare.Got a job painting aircraft which I initially loved but turned into a nightmare with a lot of overtime and not seeing my kids. That’s when things got bad....suicidely bad. I walked off the job and ended up in mental hospital for two weeks, it took a year to recover to where I could function and get work. I struggled in a lousy retail job where I had to pretend to be happy for customer service and had a huge struggle with depression and anxiety and took on too many extra jobs because I couldn’t say no after nearly ten years, I found a much better job as a transit operator and it was great until my diabetes and depression and anxiety reared its ugly head. Weird shifts, restroom breaks, crazy drivers, controlling my diabetes all got the better of me, so now I’ve been to CBT courses, anxiety courses, numerous psychiatrists and multiple different drugs and I feel so helpless no matter how hard I try. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Every day is a huge struggle for everything. I have never felt so incapable in my life. When I look back at my previous accomplishments I feel as though it was a part of me that died when I had my major depression years ago. I feel so much like a zombie just going through life waiting for the end. I spend most of my time in bed or in a chair looking at social media, not even care to watch tv anymore. I am still on long term disability but the money is not much and my wife is retired so we struggle. She has to tell me to do anything, as I simply can’t even think of that. I seldom go out or even drive anymore because of my anxiety. My wife often laughs at tv shows and asks why I didn’t find that funny, I rarely laugh or even find humour in anything anymore. I struggle to interact with my friends and family, I just don’t find pleasure in anything anymore. It’s hard to even go out without seeing anything that depresses me, I can’t even look at a bus anymore without feeling extreme anxiety. I’m not giving up though, I keep trying and see my doctors and hope that some combination of medication and therapy will pull me out of this hell I call life right now. It has been very hard to write this, but maybe it will help someone or even me. Someday I hope to be even a fraction of what I once was.

I wish people could understand the difference between sad and depressed. I have a wonderful husband, a lovely home and a comfortable existence, but still struggle to get out of bed and do anything other than sit on the recliner and watch TV or surf the net. The guilt is overwhelming.

Know that you are not alone. Depression and Anxiety is a medical illness and there are treatments in wide ranges. It has been around since man. Melancholy was once it's name. Own that you have these feelings and hurts. Abraham Lincoln said "Many times I found I had nowhere to go but upon my knees in prayer". Though sometimes it feels it is a useless cry, know that the veil is thin and angels round about us know and are with us. God does not leave us alone. We need to reach out in solemn prayer over and over and over again. Scream out for help if needed, make your statement to be heard. Educate and know yourself and others. They are all by our sides. Though many, maybe most people really have no clue, you do and your journey is good enough. My story is not just my own.

Having people tell me that I look so happy because I smile but knowing that my smile just hides the sadness that is my life.

I bury myself in school work so that I don't have time to think about other things or have to try to spend time with other people. Everyone accepts that I'm too busy because of school, even when they don't accept depression. It's easier this way. The only catch is that I overwork myself, get burnt out, and then the spiral of depression is even worse.

Awake all night go to bed 5/6am didn't do anything about cleaning up slept till 2pm
not sure if it's morning or arvo don't know the day or date don't care.
Pain all over never ending pain no shower today can't remember when I had one tomorrow will be fine. Sweating hot then cold nightmares more medication and the Drs are cutting back on pain Meds. Is it worth it alone locked up just like doing time all the time.

Depression can be debilitating. There are days of staying in bed, not brushing your teeth or taking a shower because you just don't have the motivation to do anything or care enough about yourself to take care of "you". Guilt, shame, low self-esteem, & anxiety all play a role. You don't feel normal & want so badly to be like other functioning adults. Depression really sucks.

Sometimes, I can be in a crowd of people who are my friends but I'll be on my phone because I feel like no one wants me to be here and they are better off like this but they never notice how withdrawn I am...that's what stings the most

I know it's wrong but whenever I am somewhere, I can feel people judging me for every move and every bite but if I ask them, they don't understand how I could think that