192 Things People Don’t Realise You’re Doing Because Of Your Depression

I over compensate in my work environment...and I work front line at a Fitness Centre, so I feel the need to portray an 'extra happy, bubbly personality'. As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day, I literally feel myself 'fall'. It's exhausting! Then my night is a constant battle in my head fighting my desire to 'shrink' and anxieties. Most people that I interact with would NEVER know I live a daily battle of major depressive disorder, PTSD and anxiety. I am a professional at hiding it.

I don't talk much in large groups of people, especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression. People think i am 'stuck up'. I'm actually scared out of my mind worrying that they don't like me, or that they think I'm crazy or stupid, by just looking at me...

Cancel plans because of anxiety. Stay home and hardly ever go out. Struggling to get out of bed everyday. It's exhausting. Getting ready for work is a struggle. There is so much. Been dealing with this for 35 years

The struggle to get out of bed and get off the couch is hell. The physical pain that exists. The house always a mess because no one else will or can do anything and I get blamed which all just makes the depression worse. The thinking about what I need to do makes me anxiety paralyzing.
Not having a job and physically not being able to even look for one after all the rejection.
People think I'm lazy.
I know a clean house helps me feel better, helps me socialize, causes peace and calmness, I want to and I try, but I just can't. I know a job will give me purpose and reduce stress by adding some financial stability to my family. I really want one and perhaps that is why it is so heartbreaking every time those phone calls don't come.

People don't realize that I say sorry before I even think about expressing any opinions because that's how worthless I feel. I'm apologizing for feeling anything about anything because that's how little I feel I matter. They don't just know I feel like apologizing for even breathing in their general direction. I even say I'm sorry before asking to use the bathroom no matter how long I've held it. I feel like a burden for biological needs I have no control over.

Sometimes I'll go days without speaking to anybody. People tend to believe I'm ignoring them on purpose when really I am just lost within myself. I don't mean to seem like I'm pushing people away. Some days it's hard when my thoughts consume me and when I can't find the motivation to simple things that others do on a daily basis.

That I'm fighting through a wall of separation when I talk to them. That sometimes I blank or delay in answering because I'm still trying to process what they're saying.

That when I reach out to them it's after an agonizing period of trying not to. I don't want to burden people with my shit, but sometimes I just need to hear someone's voice.

That my everyday is marked with extreme fatigue and exhaustion. That everything for me takes much much longer.

That I am completely envious of people who are full of life and genki af. That I wish my life was nothing but optimism and bliss, that I felt a zest for life and was overflowing with energy. That that is who I really am behind all the junk they have to see and put up with. That I wish I could just ignore it all and have fun.

Answering slowly. It makes my brain run slower and I can't think of the answers to the questions as quickly. Especially when someone is asking what I want to do - I don't really want anything. I isolate myself so I don't have to be forced into a situation where I have to respond because it's exhausting.

The excessive drinking.
Most people assume I'm trying to be the "life of the party" or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it.
But my issues are much deeper than that.

I push away/cut off everyone that I care about because I can't bear to be hurt by them! Everyone just thinks I'm mean and anti-social.

I wake up feeling like I'm a failure. I have to coach myself every morning into telling myself that I'm good at my job, my kids love me, my husband needs me...and if I don't go to work everything gets shut off... it's like I can't move...

Keeping the house dark is a comfort thing for me. People always point it out, like "No wonder you're so depressed. You need to let some light in." Darkness in my living space makes me feel comfortable, almost like I'm not alone, on my bad days. Good days, I'm all about the sunshine!

I want to talk about it. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to shout about it! But all I can do is whisper "I'm fine."

Sleeping, anxiety, not eating, feeling worthless, directionless, not wanting to impose my worthless directionless self on other people, being completely exhausted by having to keep the outer mask in place (which is why I'm antisocial-- simply being upbeat enough to order coffee at Starbucks will sometimes rinse me for the afternoon).

I find that after so many years I just can't believe in people at all anymore. My vision of myself and the world is so negatively distorted that no matter how much I want to believe when people are nice to me, I can't.

People who say I'm not ugly are lying and laughing behind my back. People who act like they like me are just going with the flow and don't really care.
Even if they aren't being mean, they're just being polite, and it's not like they care about me personally. Being a part of a group actually means that you're just one more and don't individually matter.

People are not honest, people are always just "polite" - kindness is a lie to look good to others and to feel good about themselves.

I CAN RELATE TO EVERY COMMENT I HAVE READ WHICH IS SO SAD. SO MANY OF US HURTING AND LIVING WITH THE FEELING WE ARE ALONE. I EVEN FEEL GUILTY TALKING TO MY COUNSLER THINKING SHE IS GETTING SO TIRED OF ME TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF. I BEAT CANCER A FEW YEARS AGO AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD HAVE GIVIN ME A NEW LEASE ON LIFE BUT IT ONLY MADE ME MORE DEPRESSED THOSE WHO HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION FOR A LONG TIME WILL UNDERSTAND WHY.

Overthinking everything and over planning. The need to make everything perfect and everyone happy even if it's taking all my energy. As if validation from someone else will make it all better. Sometimes I start out on high power then just crash and don't even enjoy what ive spents weeks/months planning. And none will see me for months after, as I retreat into my safe bubble

Hiding out in my room for hours at a time watching Netflix or Hulu to distract my mind or taking frequent trips to the bathroom or into another room at social gatherings because social situations sometimes get to me.

I think its hard for people to understand me when i may sound negative because i live with depression. They might question my motivation n even determination to do something but they dont realize its a battle to wake up everyday fighting my own thoughts n suffering from low energy.

Some very universal themes in all the examples. I remember my days, twenty years ago, before medication and therapy well. Realizing that my feelings were not unique was part of the key; overcoming isolation was another. It cannot be fixed alone.