“My Family And I Are Free”: 59 Stories That Reveal The Emotional Toll Of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent

I discovered this from my dad after one night over the holidays when my dear 6 week old daughter needed milk and her diaper changed at 3am. Which I believe is perfectly normal for a baby at that stage.

My dad - who was staying with us over Christmas - didn't take this well at all: He barged into our room without knocking whilst we were feeding the baby and trying to soothe her, yelling about his disrupted sleep. (His exact words being 'How TH do you expect me to sleep like this) My husband and I told him firmly he needs to accept this would happen with a small baby in the house, causing him to go on about how I would clearly never be as competent as my mother was given I supposedly never woke them up at night. We didn't care of course and just went back to trying to get my daughter to sleep again.

The next morning he tried to pretend nothing happened, and tried to make conversation with us at breakfast during which he blurted out that my mother had [sedated] me when I was a baby with some sort of Chinese herbal medicine (prescribed by her family members) which had sedative properties in addition to supposedly stopping the baby from feeling hungry somehow. This was because she couldn't deal with me waking them up every hour during the first week.

I am just apoplectic on hearing this; seriously I cannot find the words to describe my mother's behaviour. Could never in my worst nightmares imagine doing this to my own daughter who wasn't sleeping at all in the first couple of weeks.

(Later also found out my dad was not actually even asleep at 3am but had the door to the guest bedroom open to listen in on us, apparently out of concern for his grandchild. My SIL was staying there weeks before and never got woken up. Safe to say we won't be having him to stay again.)

It’s been over a year since I posted on here telling everyone that I moved out while my parents were on vacation and I can genuinely say it was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I finally feel at peace. I am able to actually lose weight and keep it off & I found a phenomenal physician that’s willing to work with me and keep me accountable. I’m officially now my third semester of college and my home is peaceful enough for me to do homework and study. I have a good job that pays my rent that I’m grateful for. Slowly, and surely ever since I went no contact with my parents. My life has just improving.

I went to the nail salon on Saturday after work and as I pull into the parking lot, I see a car that looks familiar and my gut already told me it was my mom. As I walk in, we literally look at each other, I flash her quick smile, and we don’t say one word to each other. I go to my nail lady and do my nails and she was finishing up her set of nails she gets out to go, wash her hands and still doesn’t say anything as she walks pass me. She ends up, finishing her nails first and leaving, but I noticed she didn’t pull out of the parking lot. She waited in her car so when I finished up my nails, I don’t know if she was hoping that I would come to her car and talk to her, I got into my car and I left.

To anyone in this form, I promise you life gets better as soon as you cut those demons out.

Of course it’s never a baby’s fault if they’re difficult, they’re babies. I always told my mom that no baby is ever intentionally difficult when I was trying to defend my infant self and she didn’t want to hear it. I was a difficult baby because I hated her and I never fixed my behavior, according to her. She also blamed me for being born two weeks before my due date and never acknowledged that again I didn’t choose when to be born as a fetus.

These things were always named as reasons why she always hated me and why I deserved to be mistreated (unlike my sister who was such an easy baby) and I never accepted the excuse but I genuinely thought I was a difficult baby and I had some sympathy for my mom for that.

Anyway my grandma lived with us for a little while when I was a baby and she broke down now and told me what she remembers. My mom forced her to wake me up when I fell asleep every time she went to work or anywhere so I would say goodbye. I had to be woken up if I slept too long. My grandma said I was the most tired baby she ever saw and I would cry whenever I was woken up because I was desperate for sleep.

She said my mom had heard from somewhere that she shouldn’t feed me as much as I wanted. She would apparently stop the feeding at a certain point even if I was still hungry. So of course I cried. My grandma called that the worst time in her life, she said she felt awful about the way I was treated.

But my mom still holds me crying as a baby against me.

My family got together for a belated Christmas celebration due to travel and sickness and whatever. My cousins were chatting with my husband about his job (he’s a Fed, been a fun time) and my mom butt into the conversation to wax lyrical about the current state of affairs. For the record, everyone in the room is a liberal. We all feel the same about politics. Anyway so she starts stirring the pot and steering the conversation towards unpleasant thing number 1, number 2, etc.

My cousin, who I don’t think I’ve EVER heard raise his voice, told her she didn’t know what she was talking about and she was trying to make a nice time nasty. He put her in her place. She stalked off angrily. His wife later went after her again for making the conversation all about her and why would she insist on ruining everyone’s peace.

I’m thrilled. I avoided this entire conversation all together by helping out in the kitchen but I overheard it. My mom is still pissed.

All my cousins told me that they knew about her behavior and stuff but they are mostly conflict avoidant, and also have felt they couldn’t help me when I was growing up for fear of being cut off from me entirely. While I understood it, it still sucked. Yesterday, I felt so validated. I didn’t even ask. Just feels good.

So belated Merry Christmas to me lol.

I am 34 and I have been low contact with my mother for 6 years. Went to therapy for 4. I have done the work to accept that i will probably never get an apology and i need to grieve the mother i did not have so i can have peace. She called me tuesday out of nowhere. I was home with the tv on in the background, playing rolling riches on my laptop and almost let it go to voicemail because seeing her name still makes my stomach drop. Said she had been doing some reflecting and wanted to apologize for everything. That was the word she used. I sat there with the phone in my hand waiting for her to name something specific. Anything. She didn't. She just said she was sorry for "how things were" and that she hoped we could move forward. The whole apology was 90 seconds long. No mention of anything she actually did or acknowledgment of any specific thing she did to me. I asked her what she was apologizing for. She got irritated and said do you really need me to list it all out, isn't the apology enough. I told her no, it isn't, because a blanket sorry for everything is just a request to be forgiven without ever having to look at what you actually did. She hung up. I have been a mess ever since. Not because i wanted her to grovel but because for 6 years i had made peace with never getting an apology and now i have technically received one and it was so empty it managed to retraumatize me. I think i preferred the silence. At least the silence was honest.

Disclaimer that I do genuinely love my mom, and that I am worried about her. That said, she is mentally ill and doesn't do much to mitigate it, and this makes her extremely overbearing. I'm her only child, which means I'm either the golden child or the scapegoat depending on what she's going through at the time, and it is absolutely exhausting.

That said, my mom loves being validated, and she doesn't have too many friends to do that for her. After discovering Claude in 2025, she started messaging it frequently both for work (reasonable for what she does) and increasingly for personal conflicts. As dystopian as it is, I've gotten used to "Claude said" being used as a legitimate point of argument. She didn't bring it up frequently, but obviously it always bugged me that she was using this thing as a pseudo-counselor.

Recently I was visiting and my laptop was [out of battery], so I used her laptop to look up something in my email. I saw her Claude tab was open, and out of curiosity, I opened it. One of the fairly recent threads was her talking about how she was "in extreme distress" over my life choices (which include moving out instead of living with her indefinitely after college and having a gf (I am a lesbian)).

It did absolutely [hurt] me to see that despite the fact that AI is trained to be a yes-man, it was actually telling her (in very polite terms) that she was being a weirdo. Its response boiled down to "it's pretty normal for adult children to move out and call you less than they used to, nothing about this sounds weird. You good?" She ragequit the chat by telling it that its training data was stupid.

Not really a story with a point, just a funny/sad little anecdote. If your literal Feelgood Reassurance Bot is telling you that you're harsh and demeaning to your kid... I dunno, maybe it has a point?

I got engaged last month and my fiancé and I did a beautiful photo session, just the two of us (as expected) in a park with a professional photographer. Posted a few on social media to announce the engagement. My mother called me screaming that I'm "erasing her from my life" because there are no photos of her with us. She said engagement photos are supposed to include "the whole family" and that I've humiliated her in front of relatives. Now she's demanding we pay for another photo session that includes her and my dad, or she's "boycotting the wedding." I did not know where the hell did she find an engagement photo with the parents? Dad's embarassed for her as usual. It's annoying but I guess I'm just used to her antics.

I told him to keep his hands to himself and to stop violating my personal space. He shouted “I will violate you any way that I want!” And now it’s my fault people think he’s a [criminal].

I am lucky enough that he never [harassed me] but apparently I am to blame for people interpreting his words like that.

My parents made a surprise visit to see me after I repeatedly told them I would not come home to meet a guy for an arranged marriage because I’m already in a relationship. Despite knowing this, they had already made commitments to the other guy’s family and came here to forcefully take me back with them.

The fight started last night and continued nonstop into today. My mother spent the entire night sitting awake crying while my father kept dozing off in between because nobody had slept properly. Whenever he asked her to sleep or calm down, she started cursing him too.

Today things escalated to a level I genuinely cannot process. My mother completely lost control emotionally. She kept screaming that I ruined her life and reputation, said she would die here, refused to let me leave the house, threatened to stop eating, and kept switching between crying, screaming, begging, and cursing within minutes.

She broke all her bangles dramatically, removed her mangalsutra, started hitting herself with a chappal, held my feet while crying, and even bit my foot while begging me not to leave or go against them. One moment she was acting like she would collapse from crying and the next moment she was aggressively blocking me from stepping out. The entire atmosphere felt chaotic and emotionally terrifying.

Meanwhile my father eventually just left for home because they had commitments to the other family, leaving me alone to handle this entire situation and her breakdown by myself after almost no sleep for more than a day.

Edit: I live in India but in a different city, they have come to my house and my mother is holding me hostage

My dad [passed away] a few months ago. Everyone knew that he had a gambling problem but no one knew how bad it really was. He received a HUGE trust fund about 20 years ago. Like enough that he could have lived a baller lifestyle for the rest of his life and still had a ton to leave future generations. Well, he was an idiot and decided to immediately liquidate everything and have a massive amount of cash, because ego. Every single financial advisor told him not to do that, but what do they know?

Then he started spending like a mad man, properties, cars, whatever he wanted. Which wasn’t that bad compared to the damage he did gambling. Since he [passed], I am now responsible for overseeing his “finances” to help my mom. Once I started looking into everything, it made me sick. I estimate that he gambled away close to $20 million. In less than 20 years! There’s nothing left! He didn’t think about anyone but himself. Nothing left even for my mom who is still in great health and has many years left to live. He lied to everyone for a long time. I’m so pissed! He really owned that whole “leave them with zero” [nonsense]. And it’s not like he was making big bets, he was literally going to the casino everyday and playing slots and keno and [stuff]. At one point it looks like he was gambling over $100,000 a month! But oh yeah, he would tell you about how you’re stupid and don’t know [a thing]. I’m glad he’s gone.

I (28F) have been in therapy for two years dealing with the fallout of my nmom's behavior. After a lifetime of walking on eggshells, I finally did it. I told her that I would no longer engage in conversations where she screamed at me, and if she started, I would hang up the phone.

It took three days. She called, asked about my work, and the second I gave an answer she didn't like, the screaming started. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I said, "Mom, I'm not going to listen to this. I love you, but I'm hanging up now." And I did.

The fallout has been nuclear. I've been bombarded with texts from her and my enabling father. I'm "disrespectful." I'm "holding grudges." I'm "too sensitive" and "can't take a joke." The latest one, the one that really stings, is that I'm an "ungrateful daughter who is tearing this family apart because of some therapist's lies."

The logical part of me knows this is the extinction burst. I know this is textbook. But the little girl in me is so, so sad and filled with doubt. I feel like I'm drowning in guilt. I know I didn't do anything wrong by protecting my peace, but why does it feel so awful? Has anyone else felt this crushing guilt after finally standing up for yourself? How do you sit with these feelings without caving?

They still deny they ever kicked me out but I will never forget packing all my stuff because I didn't have the money they demanded at the time. I would have in a couple weeks but that wasn't good enough, they threatened a lot of other things and i didn't know my rights but they had been physically abusive at this point so I decided to leave for my own good. I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe because my therapy has been delayed for a month and a half now. About the photos, I was so grateful that anyone took me in at the time, and rightfully wanted nothing to do with my own parents in the moment. I should add I got kicked out for throwing one small party in high school. I cleaned and was willing to accept my punishment and make up for it, but their punishment was to demand money I didn't have.

The only bathroom in my parents house was a jack and jill suite, meaning the bathroom was in-between my parent's room and sister's room.

My sisters wouldn't let me go through their room because they said I was a pervert for trying to do so.

My parents very rarely let me go through their room because they said I might take their gun or their money.

I rarely took showers and I usually had [go to the bathroom] in the backyard, but if I went out at night my parents would freak out and beat me because they said I might have let in a burglar.

When I was in job corps the dorms had a similar layout but there was no "extra" person outside the dorms who didn't have a bathroom, EVERYONE had a bedroom with a bathroom attached.

I think if the bathroom was in a more wildly available location my relationship with my family would be completely different.

i’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood lately and it’s hitting me how emotionally starved i actually was. at the time, i thought it was normal to comfort myself, hide my feelings and never expect any real support or understanding. i didn’t have the words for it back then, i just assumed other kids felt the same way.

now as an adult, i’m realizing how much i was missing. the lack of warmth, validation and emotional presence feels so obvious in hindsight. i didn’t grow up feeling seen, supported or safe. and it’s strange to look back and finally understand why i felt so disconnected from everyone around me.

with distance and time, the patterns from childhood are finally visible and the loneliness i felt makes sense now. did anyone else not realize how empty things were until much later?

My (26f) mom (65f) has a history of tracking my location for reasons that go beyond the normal safety concerns for a relatively short, single young woman. My mom has often abused the privilege of tracking my phone to judge my eating and spending habits as well as manipulate and control who I hang out with, how long I’m gone, and where we go. This has been a constant since I got my first phone in middle school till about a week ago. As long as she was paying for it, she had the right to track me. One time my phone updated while I was out with a friend at 23 years old, and I stayed out later than expected. In fact, I was going to sleep over. But my phone’s update turned off my tracking, so my mom called the cops when I hadn’t even been gone 24 hours and was screaming and crying and I refused to give the cops my friend’s address cause that’s there personal info, I’m an adult, and I wasn’t in any danger. Ever since that day, I knew I couldn’t turn off my location until I got my own phone plan. Anywaysssss back to the real story.

I got my new phone plan a few days ago finally, and turned off location tracking a few days later. Within 24 hours, my mom freaked out cause she couldn’t track me anymore. “Did you stay with Verizon? We have a problem! We can’t track you anymore!” Didn’t even try to hide it. When I established my boundaries and reminded her she needed to trust I was an adult and would make safe decisions, she said “but what if you get in an accident and we don’t know where you are?!” “My car has an SOS system, and you guys are listed as emergency contacts in my phone for EMS so they can unlock it and call you.” “But what about x, y, z?” I offered other reasonable alternatives, “you can call or text me like you would any other adult, and we can schedule regular check in times if we know I’ll be gone for an extended period and I can update you if things change.” But she wasn’t having it and started with the guilt-tripping and over-exaggerations: “I guess if you [pass away], you [pass away], and I just shouldn’t [care].” So that was fun.

1️⃣ You’re not even comfortable doing something normal or simple when they’re around.

2️⃣ You were always judged or neglected, but now they blame you “Why can’t you talk to us?”

3️⃣ Even as an adult, your nervous system still goes on high alert when the same patterns repeat.

4️⃣ No matter how mentally strong you’ve become, your heartbeat still races when someone raises their voice.

5️⃣ You were never allowed to be free your actions depended on your parents’ mood either for survival or obedience.

6️⃣ You analysis thousands of conversation before reaching.

7️⃣ you have worst amount of inferiority complex but can't do anything.

8️⃣ You don’t feel safe having marriage. Cause you fear you either end up like them or it will be same as before. Your dream of having peaceful & loving family is uncertain.

9️⃣ You get super jealous when you show your friend's family enjoying together.

🔟 You love deeply but never learned to express.

…and the worst part? People blame you with : "they are parents"," Even if they did something it's your job to change "(as if we have self-controll).”

I was supposed to get married in a few weeks, and I lost my birth certificate. When I went to city hall to retrieve a copy I didn’t exist in the system. Not understanding why, they asked if I had a step parent. I said yes and gave them the last name.

Well.. surprise my mother legally had me adopted and amended my birth certificate with the vitals office. I never knew she changed it and all my adult life I’ve used my real birth name. My entire life has my real maiden name attached to it.

I now have to legally change my name and revert it back on my birth certificate. Which isn’t cheap or fast (I’m in NY).

When I called and confronted her she first denied it. Saying it was never changed and then flipped it by saying I stood in front of the judge and asked for it. Which is a total lie. My stepfather was physically and emotionally abusive to the point I had to live with my grandma.

But. Here’s the kicker. If I wanted the name change why isn’t it on my school records? Why did she give me my original birth certificate for my drivers license?

I have a lot of questions, and honestly this isn’t the first time she pulled this. I found out I had a different dad when I was 29.

I’m feel so betrayed, but my grandma is telling me I’m over reacting and it’ll be a simple fix. But this is going to take about 6-9 months to correct and I can’t get a marriage license without a birth certificate.

I don’t want to talk my mother or see her. This is the last straw.

AIO?

Family vacation. My 3yo just wanted to play. She kept pestering for a hug, he kept refusing. When he started to run away, she quickly went, "well then, you are not my sweet boy anymore. Uncle is my sweet boy, I'll hug him. How about that?"

The look on my 3yo was of baffled sadness. He thought only he was the "sweet boy".

I stepped in and took him back to his games. She kept continuing "how about aunty is my sweet girl now. I'll hug her." To tease my son. Kept at it for a few more mins until we completely ingored her.

Why must they so quickly resort to just senseless cruelty to get what they want? She was just denied one hug by a kid, suck it up and move on. Why does she need to retaliate with a kid!!!

So many of us wonder how we could be living in Hell at home, yet no one on the outside noticed or intervened. Narcissistic parents are classic Jekyll & Hyde’s: charming and nice to the outside world, and raging, controlling monsters at home.

Now that I’m a mom of a 4 year old, I can see how clearly children’s behavior is based on the parenting they’re receiving. There’s a girl at preschool who is very aggressive and hurts other children. The few times I’ve engaged with this 4 year old girl, she’ll reveal things like “I don’t like being home” and “my mom hurts me when she does my hair” and “my mom is always mad.” I grew up with a malignant mother who targeted me as her primary scapegoat, and it is hell. It breaks my heart every time I talk to that little girl.

And it made me wonder what signs my siblings and I showed as kids, and why no adults picked up on it.

- I (scapegoat, primarily through cruelty) developed shingles in 7th grade. Normally it’s an old person illness, and usually brought on by severe stress. I was also an extreme people pleaser, like very desperate and constantly seeking validation from others through boasting or fishing for compliments. I also had issues wetting the bed until I was like 6 or 7.

- My youngest sister (golden child) had weird skin eruptions all over her body as a kid. The doctors could never figure out what it was. She eventually developed an autoimmune disorder and vaginismus. Basically her body screaming for help, while having to act like the good, obedient girl on the outside.

- My other sister (scapegoat, primarily through control) developed chronic nervous tics as a little girl, like making noises, coughing, shaking her hands, wiping her knees, snorting, blinking strongly over and over. She also stuffed a bunch of cotton from a stuffed animal deep in her nose when she was a little girl, which had to be removed by a doctor. Clearly a child in severe distress.

- My brother (lost child) stopped speaking when he was 11. Selective mutism and then became a hardcore avoidant, totally disengaged from our family. Either hid in his room or stayed with friends. Also very quiet and angry at home, but cheerful and playful with his friends.

Like were adults in the 90s just dumb? So many obvious signs of mistreatment and stress in all 4 of us, yet people went along with my moms narrative that “our family is normal, it just so happens 2 of my daughters were born bad eggs. No clue why my other 2 kids have issues either!”

Did you show signs??

I still went to work and had a few tears that morning. Then it clicked; I'm free. I'm free of being fearful of running into her when out and about. I'm free of the "will I, won't I" anxiety if I get offered to see her. I'm free! I am so happy, it feels manic.

On Thursday as I was walking out the door for work, I got this text message:

"Hi [OP], I know you and your Mom were not on good terms for a number of years, however considering the curcumstance I want to let you know that your Mom passed away on May 12th peacefully from bowel complications due to the cancer at [LOCAL] Hospital.

In time, I would hope that you could find it in your heart to forgive your Mom, even though she could not find it in her heart to forgive you! It serves no earthly reason or good to hold such bitterness & contempt in your heart, it will only serve as a catalyst in developing diseases in your own body down the road. Your Mom admitted this much to me when fighting cancer these last 18 months.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, no social media posts about your Mom's passing or your feelings toward her! Let's keep this a private matter between family! We ALL have been hurt enough by this family feud and now it is time to heal! Let's stop it right now!!!

I am balling my eyes out as a write this text in anticipation that this family could develop some form of normalcy and let go of the bitter long held feelings.

My wife, best friend, is gone from this earth; however, I will never forget her. She will be in my heart forever! Love [STEP-DAD]

P.S. I will be writing the very same text to [SISTER]"

The irony? She had Crohn's disease and would pop Imodium like they were tictacs. Karma really did bite her [back].