At some point in adulthood, between groaning when you get up and staying in on a Friday night, a bizarre realization will dawn. "My parents were right!" First, it won't sit well with you. How could you possibly sympathise with the people who should now be footing your therapy bill? But when you let it linger a little bit, you will start to come to terms.
People online have confessed all these realisations, and all we can say is, "same!" All the bizarre punishments, weird habits, quirky sayings- they all ended up having a purpose. And heaven forbid, people are now applying them to their own children with varying degrees of success. Bored Panda has collected some of the biggest "a-ha" moments so that maybe we can all learn a little something together.
#21
My dad told me not to worry about what other people thought of me, if they didn’t like me that was their problem, not mine. When I wa sa teen, I was so envious of the popular girls and boys, I wanted to be the girl that everyone liked, but now his advice makes sense
13points
"Because I said so" has a bad reputation and a fairly solid defense. When parents reach for it, they are usually several hundred micro-negotiations deep into the day. Every boundary is potentially a debate, every rule has to withstand cross-examination, and children cannot always process lengthy explanations logically anyway.
Child behavior researchers point out that explaining every decision has value some of the time, but that limits do not always need a full rationale to be legitimate. Sometimes "because I said so" is a parent running out of bandwidth. And sometimes the lesson is that the world will not always justify its rules to you, and learning to function within them is something you are going to need.
#22
I used to think I was really good at not getting caught reading under the covers past my bed time. I'm pretty sure my mom knew and was just glad I was reading.
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13points
#23
Two things my parents did that were genius and that I used with my kids.
1. I almost never got yelled at. Instead, when I acted up or was otherwise an idiot, we had to discuss it. At length. It was excruciating. I was certain that getting yelled at and punished was better.
2. My mom only said she was disappointed with me once. That was nearly 50 years ago and I remember it vividly. She was absolutely in the right to be disappointed in me and I worked very hard to never make her disappointed in me again.
RIP mom and dad. Thank you for all you taught me.
1. I almost never got yelled at. Instead, when I acted up or was otherwise an idiot, we had to discuss it. At length. It was excruciating. I was certain that getting yelled at and punished was better.
2. My mom only said she was disappointed with me once. That was nearly 50 years ago and I remember it vividly. She was absolutely in the right to be disappointed in me and I worked very hard to never make her disappointed in me again.
RIP mom and dad. Thank you for all you taught me.
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13points
#24
The crucial importance of kindness and courtesy as you go through the day. And that includes kindness and courtesy to siblings, however annoying they are, as well as to everyone else you encounter. I remember so clearly my grandfather saying how much it pained him to hear us kids verbally brutalize each other. That stuck with me.
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12points
Then there are the white lies, which the thread has complicated feelings about. Plenty of people grew up believing that the toy store was mysteriously closed every Sunday, or that carrots genuinely improved your eyesight. These feel harmless, and in some cases they are. But research from NTU Singapore, led by associate professor Pei Pei Setoh, found that white lies only significantly increased children's likelihood of lying back if the child already knew they had been misled.
Instrumental lies were more damaging regardless: "behave or I'll call the police" or "finish your homework and we'll go to Disneyland" increased dishonesty in kids no matter what. The takeaway is not that all parental creativity backfires, but that kids are tracking honesty far more carefully than most adults give them credit for.
#25
When i was a little toddler, my mom worked at the convenience store next door and had to bring me while she was working. i would get so bored just sitting around waiting for her to be done work. so she would pass the time by telling me stories of this *super-cool* club for kids.
where *only* kids who are potty trained get to go, just to play all day! where theres all kinds of wonderful toys and a big park attached to it and if i was good, then *someday* even i would get to go there.
but, parents arent allowed to come cuz its for kids only...so she told me i had to be ready to not see her for the *whole* day if i wanted to go to this super cool play place.....and she could only bring me if i was *reeeaally* good and worked hard to leave the diapers behind
yall i worked so hard to get out of diapers so i could go to this fabulous fantastical place of toys and fun. when i could finally go i thought it was the best thing ever. i was so excited and i made so many friends and it was awesome. i was really confused about why some of the other new kids were so upset about going to the kids-only-super-fun-club-of-fun. they would cry when they were dropped off but i would cry sometimes when i had to leave
guys.....it was just daycare. i thought *daycare* was a super exclusive theme park for kids. i thought i was hot stuff for being accepted into their cool club. its one of the coolest things my mom managed to do tbh. so many kids were completely devastated and i never had to go through that feeling of abandonment that i saw so many of my (eventual) friends go through when they first started daycare.
where *only* kids who are potty trained get to go, just to play all day! where theres all kinds of wonderful toys and a big park attached to it and if i was good, then *someday* even i would get to go there.
but, parents arent allowed to come cuz its for kids only...so she told me i had to be ready to not see her for the *whole* day if i wanted to go to this super cool play place.....and she could only bring me if i was *reeeaally* good and worked hard to leave the diapers behind
yall i worked so hard to get out of diapers so i could go to this fabulous fantastical place of toys and fun. when i could finally go i thought it was the best thing ever. i was so excited and i made so many friends and it was awesome. i was really confused about why some of the other new kids were so upset about going to the kids-only-super-fun-club-of-fun. they would cry when they were dropped off but i would cry sometimes when i had to leave
guys.....it was just daycare. i thought *daycare* was a super exclusive theme park for kids. i thought i was hot stuff for being accepted into their cool club. its one of the coolest things my mom managed to do tbh. so many kids were completely devastated and i never had to go through that feeling of abandonment that i saw so many of my (eventual) friends go through when they first started daycare.
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12points
#26
Dinners were always for family, no tech allowed. I wanted to play my gameboy, or watch TV but my mostly lax father was very strict on this one rule. I have a ton of good, strong memories of just sitting and talking and joking over dinner now and I'm so glad my dad never gave in.
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12points
#27
You guys have space at home to have your friends over. Within reason, have some drinks (from 16ish, UK, so not insane), make the space your own.
I thought they were just really cool parents until much later when they told me and my sister that if they did that, they knew where we were and that we were safe.
Well played parents. Well played indeed.
I thought they were just really cool parents until much later when they told me and my sister that if they did that, they knew where we were and that we were safe.
Well played parents. Well played indeed.
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12points
What the thread captures is the accumulated weight of small, consistent decisions that did not announce themselves as important at the time. Nobody registered the dinner table as doing developmental work, and nobody thought the chore chart was building anything lasting.
It just happened, over years, in ordinary kitchens and ordinary arguments that felt enormous and are barely memories now. Looking back and seeing the shape of it is its own kind of gift, even when it arrives a decade later than anyone would like.
Did you ever have a lightbulb moment where your parents' weird choices finally made sense? Share it with us in the comments!
#28
Both my younger sister and I have early January birthdays. When we were old enough to recognize how much certain gifts were worth, our parents instituted half birthday celebrations. So we would get a small present, like a book, on our actual birthday and a bigger present in the summer. We’d also have a little family party on our half birthdays.
When I was growing up, I thought my parents did this so we wouldn’t get all our presents around Christmas and we could space out the celebrations. Now I realize they didn’t have the money to get all those gifts in one month, but wanted to make sure we got something eventually.
When I was growing up, I thought my parents did this so we wouldn’t get all our presents around Christmas and we could space out the celebrations. Now I realize they didn’t have the money to get all those gifts in one month, but wanted to make sure we got something eventually.
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12points
#29
When I was around 10, my mom took a blank deck of index cards in fun neon colors and on each one wrote (in gel glitter pen) a fun activity I can do on my own in the house. She then titled the stack “things to do when you’re bored, shuffle the deck and pick one.”
It cost nothing and I used it for all my pre teen years. Each card was specific to me and my interests and what we had around the house. I loved it and thought it was so fun and cool.
It cost nothing and I used it for all my pre teen years. Each card was specific to me and my interests and what we had around the house. I loved it and thought it was so fun and cool.
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11points
#30
My parents very casually made reading a priority. We never did the thing where the parent sets a timer and the kid has to read for 20 minutes; it was never a chore, it was just something we do for fun. My parents owned a lot of books and subscribed to several magazines (National Geographic, Nature, Sail, This Old House...). Dad read to us nearly nightly (he worked some nights) and both mom and dad read in front of us regularly. We visited the library every Saturday morning and never had restrictions on what we could check out. We gave and received books as gifts and loved it.
They did similar with music, but to a lesser degree. Mom played violin casually and dad played trumpet in a low-key local orchestra, and occasionally in the pit orchestra for musicals. We all had piano lessons and the option to pick up a second instrument. We listened to all kinds of music on the radio: orchestral, big band, swing, oldies, classic rock, and country (plus the occasional baseball game) and went to orchestra and choir concerts. My favorite were the Messiah productions at Christmas.
These things -- especially the music lessons -- make it sound like we were well off, but we really weren't. We scraped by and got a boost from government assistance at times. But we sacrificed in some areas (very rarely had name-brand anything from cereal to shoes). Mom and dad just prioritized things like reading, music, education, and travel over new cars or the latest fashions. .
They did similar with music, but to a lesser degree. Mom played violin casually and dad played trumpet in a low-key local orchestra, and occasionally in the pit orchestra for musicals. We all had piano lessons and the option to pick up a second instrument. We listened to all kinds of music on the radio: orchestral, big band, swing, oldies, classic rock, and country (plus the occasional baseball game) and went to orchestra and choir concerts. My favorite were the Messiah productions at Christmas.
These things -- especially the music lessons -- make it sound like we were well off, but we really weren't. We scraped by and got a boost from government assistance at times. But we sacrificed in some areas (very rarely had name-brand anything from cereal to shoes). Mom and dad just prioritized things like reading, music, education, and travel over new cars or the latest fashions. .
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10points
#31
Full access to my dad's eclectic library, unrestricted. Nothing traumatic, tons of fun and interesting stuff that's educated or entertained me to this day. From comics to religion to politics. No critiques, no books pushed, just have at it at your own pace.
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10points
#32
My dad would not just pay me an allowance, but would pay me $2/hour (big money in 90’s cash) to do anything I wanted from a list of house / pool chores. It made me so motivated to help out around the house and track my time diligently. The more I helped, the more money I’d get! Everyone wins.
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10points
#33
We had the "no questions asked" policy. If we ever ended up in a situation we didn't want to be in, even if it wasn't where we said we'd be or with people we said we wouldn't be with, we could call any time of the day or night, and one parent would come pick us up, no questions asked. My mother was a youth and adolescent psychologist; she had seen too many children get seriously hurt because they were more scared of their parents than the danger of the situation they were in. My parents figured, if we had to enact the "no questions asked" policy, whatever had happened to us had already been punishment enough. .
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9points
#34
My mother never gave me snacks to eat😭
Sounds sad but instead she always gave me fruits and nuts . Well I didn't understand it then, but I guess she just wanted her kid to be healthy and I do appreciate it deeply as it improved my gut and kept my physique in check✅
Sounds sad but instead she always gave me fruits and nuts . Well I didn't understand it then, but I guess she just wanted her kid to be healthy and I do appreciate it deeply as it improved my gut and kept my physique in check✅
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8points
#35
The most genius thing my mom and dad did was the Saturday morning routine. First rule: we could watch cartoons until they got up; after that the TV went off. So we were all super quiet so they would sleep as late as possible...sometimes even until 7 or 7:30!
Once they got up, mom wrote out the chore list. There were always five things on the list, some were easy, some were hard. The first kid who had their room clean got first pick, and so on.
This meant as soon as they got up, we jumped up, turned off the TV, and rushed to clean our rooms. After that things dissolved into chaos, so don't think our family life was perfect, but it was a good start.
Once they got up, mom wrote out the chore list. There were always five things on the list, some were easy, some were hard. The first kid who had their room clean got first pick, and so on.
This meant as soon as they got up, we jumped up, turned off the TV, and rushed to clean our rooms. After that things dissolved into chaos, so don't think our family life was perfect, but it was a good start.
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7points
#36
I don’t remember being told that I was adopted. I’ve always known. Them telling me so early that it was never a surprise and consistently messaging what a gift their children were to them was a beautiful way to handle it. I’ll be forever grateful.
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7points
#37
This was a story told at my friend’s grandpa’s funeral.
They had five kids in a small house and on Sundays he’d put the kids in the back yard and throw about $1.75 in various coins around the yard. He told the kids that there was $2.00 in change and what they found they could keep. The kids would spend forever trying to find that last $0.25 and the parents would have alone time in the house presumably to try and make more kids.
They had five kids in a small house and on Sundays he’d put the kids in the back yard and throw about $1.75 in various coins around the yard. He told the kids that there was $2.00 in change and what they found they could keep. The kids would spend forever trying to find that last $0.25 and the parents would have alone time in the house presumably to try and make more kids.
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6points
#38
They turned buckling our seatbelts into a game. The first one to buckle won.
They never had to worry about us buckling.
They never had to worry about us buckling.
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6points
#39
My dad would give us outside chores but disguised them as games. For example, he would divide the deck into sections, give each of us a section, a paint brush, and a bucket of water and tell us we needed to paint the deck. Whoever finished first would get to choose their treat first when we went to the ice cream shop. The catch was we had to ride our bikes to the ice cream shop and we couldn't take the short cut. So not only did he have us outside for hours washing the deck, weeding the garden, washing the car, sweeping the garage, raking the leaves - we then had to ride to the ice cream shop and back. We thought it was a fun game that always ended with ice cream - he got help with the outside chores, a bike ride with us kids, ice cream and 3 very tired little kids.
Another thing they did was when we would have garage sales any of our possessions that got sold, we got to keep the money. We also ran a popcorn & lemonade stand but we had to pop the popcorn and make the lemonade. As long as we did all the work we got to keep all of the money. We learned the value of hard work and the value of money.
Another thing they did was when we would have garage sales any of our possessions that got sold, we got to keep the money. We also ran a popcorn & lemonade stand but we had to pop the popcorn and make the lemonade. As long as we did all the work we got to keep all of the money. We learned the value of hard work and the value of money.
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6points
#40
The silent scream contest. To make my sister and I shut up in the car, Mom would challenge us to see who could fake screaming the longest. It worked, but goodness knows how it looked to anyone looking our way.
Second place goes to her faking falling asleep and letting us have the tv remote if we gave her a backrub. Even now I’m in awe of how she played us.
Second place goes to her faking falling asleep and letting us have the tv remote if we gave her a backrub. Even now I’m in awe of how she played us.
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6points
