“I Don’t Have The Crayons”: 50 Of The Very Best Insults To Humble Folks Who’re Asking For It

The one time I go for personality over looks and you behave like this… 💀🤣

“I’ve been called worse by better.”

“Id challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you're unarmed."

I remember I started a new job and this coworker for 5 weeks straight, would insult people legitimately every 5 to 10 minutes all throughout the day. Everyone of course would laugh it off every time. However, by the 5th week, I was tired of it and some of the other coworkers, who I got to know said they knew this coworker was only joking and tried not to think about it. I decided to just play the same game but different. Every time this person insulted someone, I would turn to the person who was insulted and give them a compliment. I did this throughout the day without fail. Eventually this coworker turned their chair around to face me, obviously annoyed at me and said, "You know I'm only joking right?" I said to them right back, "You know I'm not right? I truly mean the compliments I give" and turned right back to my job. She quit 2 weeks later after that.

People like you are the reason they have "how to use" on shampoo bottles.

I hate it when (usually older men) tells a young lady to smile.
Tell them “Say something funny.”
When they start to talk make the wrong answer buzzer sound and give a blank stare.

I said to a guy obsessed with eventually having a kid that I found out was cheating "I hope you never have a daughter that gets treated the way you treated me" so he could realize he's the guy he's scared of his daughter meeting one day 🙃

An old movie taught me this one: when anyone says "you're smarter than you look," you respond: "thank you! I wish I could say the same for you!"
I suppose any adjective would work, too.
Also, just watch any old Marx Bros movie for epic zingers.

My daughter was on the phone to my man and he asked "how's mum? Beautiful as ever?" My daughter looked at me for a moment before replying "...she's trying her best".

In the south we say “Bless your heart”.

Was on the phone with a particularly rude client and said " I'm going to give you an opportunity to call me back when you think you're ready to have a more mature conversation".

When someone is acting dumb my momma says "Jesus christ if your brains were shoes you'd be barefoot" 🤣😅☺️

I love that you were confident enough to say that out loud.

My boss screamed at me for messing up an order, I was like 17 at the time, and decided to say I was stupid and a worthless employee. I deadpanned at him and said "what do you mean?" He balked and was trying to explain himself and I just kept telling him "im sorry I dont understand" dude still avoids me to this day xD.

When you're looking at a person who's talking absolute sh**e. Tell them this, “do you know that there's a tree out there, growing and supplying oxygen, just for you!! Go out there, find it...and APOLOGISE TO IT"

I had a teacher tell the teenagers in my class to enjoy being beautiful while they were young as it wouldn't last. He followed it up by saying that men however only grow more dignified with age. My retort was to hold my hands out in front of my stomach and say, "I know men like you. I've seen how their dignities grow."

You’re so inspiring, every time I see you, I’m reminded how far confidence can take someone, even without the burden of self-awareness🙄.

A sincere “Are you ok?” works wonders.

Anytime anyone would approach my grandma when she wasn’t in the mood to talk she’d say “no thank you” in a very sweet English accent so you’d be so caught off guard thinking she was being sweet but it was actually kind of rude lol.

Let me introduce you to Dignity; I heard you two haven't met yet.