Most friendships end with a slow fade, and you start to notice that the replies get shorter. Suddenly, the plans get vaguer, and then one day you realize you haven't seen each other since spring. It's painful, but at least it's gradual. Losing an entire friend group is a different story. One week you're planning a birthday dinner, and the next you discover there's a new group chat with a new name and you are not in it.
Reddit asked people who've been through it to explain what happened, and the answers come with plot twists. Some found out exactly why. Others are still waiting on an explanation, and a few admit it was the best thing that ever happened to them. Grab a snack and settle in, because there's a lot of group chat drama ahead.
#21
Chronic illness that hit when I was 15. Somewhat understandably young kids don't know how to deal with that and they bailed. Didn't help that I had a twin that they could all just replace me with.
3points
The stakes are higher than hurt feelings. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychologist at Brigham Young University, reviewed 148 studies covering more than 300,000 people in 2010 and found that those with stronger social ties had a 50% greater chance of survival over the study periods. She compared the effect on mortality to quitting smoking. A friend group is a health asset, so it makes sense that losing one feels like a crisis.
#22
I was the b**t of every joke cause I liked “weird” things like anime and video games. They were genuinely just means girls.
3points
#23
I had to move away for work, and the first year I was gone I realized none of my friends reached out to me, I just reached out to them. Staying in contact got harder as I realized they didn't really care about me or my life.
When I moved back to the area a few years later, we hung out once after I reached out. I realized how disinterested they were in my life and how even if we were physically in the same place again, the years of them neglecting the relationship couldn't be erased or repaired.
It really sucked and was extremely hurtful to find out people i had cared about deeply were only interested in the friendship when it was convenient.
When I moved back to the area a few years later, we hung out once after I reached out. I realized how disinterested they were in my life and how even if we were physically in the same place again, the years of them neglecting the relationship couldn't be erased or repaired.
It really sucked and was extremely hurtful to find out people i had cared about deeply were only interested in the friendship when it was convenient.
3points
#24
Turns out most of the people I knew my entire life were worthless c***s who were either exploiting me, barely tolerating me or just not very good friends.
But, you have to have the worst s**t happen to you before you will ever find out. You’ll certainly have had some clues over the years. Little micro-aggressions or mistreatment that you chalked up to anomalies or you gave them the benefit of the doubt at the time.
I find that if you have friends who ever suddenly seem a bit stand-offish or colder or sometimes even openly aggressive and judgmental when you are succeeding or actually doing well in life….those will be the exact same people that abruptly make themselves very scarce and exhaustingly unhelpful when you eventually have some soul-destroying crisis.
It’s never any one thing per se — it’s hard to know for sure until it’s actually all happening and you’re going thru hell — but it’s really eye opening to suddenly feel more isolated and alone and even lonelier during devastating and traumatic experiences as a result of friends and even family backing off completely.
It actually adds an additional layer of trauma to it all.
I can’t even fathom ever treating somebody I considered a friend or even somebody I liked in the way I have been these past 9 months.
It was already a really harrowing time and it remains so even in the aftermath — the downward spiral continues but by far the emotional labour I have had to endure in attempts to ask for help or explain my situation or even quantify or qualify my circumstances like I am arguing to be seen as even a f*****g person — is the worst s**t.
It’s truly a cruel world exacerbated by a lack of humanity or basic empathy at times — and when you have it reflected to you thru people you thought were friends or family you hoped would be more supportive — it’s pretty f****d.
That said, better to know now than never know or find out when you’re even older. The truth is you likely were never real friends with these kinds of people.
You served a purpose or played a certain role in their lives and the second you don’t live up to or fulfil that designation in the way they need you to remain — they vanish.
F**k ‘em.
But, you have to have the worst s**t happen to you before you will ever find out. You’ll certainly have had some clues over the years. Little micro-aggressions or mistreatment that you chalked up to anomalies or you gave them the benefit of the doubt at the time.
I find that if you have friends who ever suddenly seem a bit stand-offish or colder or sometimes even openly aggressive and judgmental when you are succeeding or actually doing well in life….those will be the exact same people that abruptly make themselves very scarce and exhaustingly unhelpful when you eventually have some soul-destroying crisis.
It’s never any one thing per se — it’s hard to know for sure until it’s actually all happening and you’re going thru hell — but it’s really eye opening to suddenly feel more isolated and alone and even lonelier during devastating and traumatic experiences as a result of friends and even family backing off completely.
It actually adds an additional layer of trauma to it all.
I can’t even fathom ever treating somebody I considered a friend or even somebody I liked in the way I have been these past 9 months.
It was already a really harrowing time and it remains so even in the aftermath — the downward spiral continues but by far the emotional labour I have had to endure in attempts to ask for help or explain my situation or even quantify or qualify my circumstances like I am arguing to be seen as even a f*****g person — is the worst s**t.
It’s truly a cruel world exacerbated by a lack of humanity or basic empathy at times — and when you have it reflected to you thru people you thought were friends or family you hoped would be more supportive — it’s pretty f****d.
That said, better to know now than never know or find out when you’re even older. The truth is you likely were never real friends with these kinds of people.
You served a purpose or played a certain role in their lives and the second you don’t live up to or fulfil that designation in the way they need you to remain — they vanish.
F**k ‘em.
3points
The good news is that you can rebuild, and it may be easier than you fear. Psychologist Gillian Sandstrom found that people who chat with more acquaintances in a day, even casual ones like the barista or a classmate, report feeling happier and more connected.
A 2018 study in Psychological Science found that people tend to underestimate how much new acquaintances like them after a conversation. The stranger you're nervous to approach is probably already rooting for you. That's a decent starting point, and the hours will add up.
Have you ever had to go thorugh a total friend group dismanteling? Tell us about it in the comments.
#25
I was always that guy who was there for everyone, anytime they ever needed someone, even to the detriment of my own success/career.
When I truly needed someone, nothing but crickets. Nothing of value was lost that day.
When I truly needed someone, nothing but crickets. Nothing of value was lost that day.
3points
#26
Well.. the first time my dad was d***g, and we knew it was coming and I told them exactly what I would need for support and none of them came to any services.
And this time, I fainted behind the wheel and crashed and got a stage 3 concussion, was arrested under the assumption that I drunk or high because I was exhibiting every sign of a stage 3 concussion and the cops thought I was drunk.. and now they’re all assuming I’m the kind of person to drink and drive.
I don’t do ANY d***s, and one of my best friends was k****d by a drunk driver in college. If I have a mimosa at brunch, I won’t drive until AT LEAST after dinner and that’s only if I have to.
But.. they’re now saying that all my symptoms were from drinking..
All of the breathalizers said zero, the blood tests said zero, the only thing they could find was that one of the eye tests pointed to someone who huffs gasoline OR had a level 3 concussion.
But NNOOOO… I have no time for people who don’t believe what I say and pretend to be my friend.
And this time, I fainted behind the wheel and crashed and got a stage 3 concussion, was arrested under the assumption that I drunk or high because I was exhibiting every sign of a stage 3 concussion and the cops thought I was drunk.. and now they’re all assuming I’m the kind of person to drink and drive.
I don’t do ANY d***s, and one of my best friends was k****d by a drunk driver in college. If I have a mimosa at brunch, I won’t drive until AT LEAST after dinner and that’s only if I have to.
But.. they’re now saying that all my symptoms were from drinking..
All of the breathalizers said zero, the blood tests said zero, the only thing they could find was that one of the eye tests pointed to someone who huffs gasoline OR had a level 3 concussion.
But NNOOOO… I have no time for people who don’t believe what I say and pretend to be my friend.
3points
#27
Main girl in my wife’s friend group decided to go mean girl on her during her graduation party for her doctorate. I spent months setting it up and had a petting zoo with highland cows come to our house and smoked a bunch of meat. They came didn’t eat or engage with everyone then made excuses to leave and tried texting others at the party to leave to meet at a restaurant. Our other friends told us they had been getting contacted for a week to do that. After the main girl made all different lies about why to include saying I made inappropriate comments then that I never told them the plan for food and timing even though I had all of the texts. It sucked since we knew them for years but my wife was understandingly pissed and cut them off unless she got a honest apology which never happened. Weird way for people in their 30s and 40s to act.
3points
#28
They got really into league of legends and I was the only one in the group that thought the fanbase was toxic and didn’t find the game itself fun at all. It got to the point where LoL was all they would do and talk about exclusivity and I just faded myself outta the group.
3points
#29
I had gotten used to years of weird rumors & an unearned reputation as a spoiled princess. I figured that's just what happens when you're determined to stay positive no matter what (& there was an awful lot of "what" in my life back then).
Friends kept dropping off my radar for seemingly no reason. There'd be strange misunderstandings or just out of nowhere they'd suddenly loathe me. I'm autistic so I kind of chalked it up to still not figuring out how to interface with neurotypical people, despite the literal years of effort & study & therapy.
I eventually found out my so-called best friend hated me for being privileged. Or what she thought of as privileged.
Essentially, I'd gone through extreme trauma from 8ish to 13, when my father got custody of me. I didn’t meet her until a few years later, so all she really knew about was the horses & the travel & the insane amounts of support & love he showered me with. She had no idea all that came from his efforts to ensure I wouldn't grow up to be broken by everything that had happened.
She had typical jerk 90s parents who screamed & threw things while both neglecting & smothering their children. So to her, I guess I really seemed like a spoiled princess.
I really adored her though. We took her shopping with us nearly every time we went. My daddy helped her buy a car. We even took her on vacations with us. (Big, nice ones in foreign lands with white sand beaches.)
In exchange, she sabotaged every relationship I had with my peers. Orchestrated me breaking up with the boy who'd eventually become my husband & dated him. Tried to get a mutual friend of ours to break us up when we inevitably came back together. Endlessly talked c**p about me & made up things to keep people aggravated with me. Purposefully misinterpreted any social stumble in the worst possible light.
All while smiling in my face, "borrowing" my clothes, & spending my daddy's money.
Eventually her actions became more and more flagrant & even I finally realized she was a toxic person so I walked away from all of it.
A few friends stuck around. Mostly those I'd made before I even knew her. But it soured me on trusting others outside of my family & I'm introverted enough to not really care.
I have my husband (of 25yrs!), my kids, my family & my critters.
She can have her drama.
Friends kept dropping off my radar for seemingly no reason. There'd be strange misunderstandings or just out of nowhere they'd suddenly loathe me. I'm autistic so I kind of chalked it up to still not figuring out how to interface with neurotypical people, despite the literal years of effort & study & therapy.
I eventually found out my so-called best friend hated me for being privileged. Or what she thought of as privileged.
Essentially, I'd gone through extreme trauma from 8ish to 13, when my father got custody of me. I didn’t meet her until a few years later, so all she really knew about was the horses & the travel & the insane amounts of support & love he showered me with. She had no idea all that came from his efforts to ensure I wouldn't grow up to be broken by everything that had happened.
She had typical jerk 90s parents who screamed & threw things while both neglecting & smothering their children. So to her, I guess I really seemed like a spoiled princess.
I really adored her though. We took her shopping with us nearly every time we went. My daddy helped her buy a car. We even took her on vacations with us. (Big, nice ones in foreign lands with white sand beaches.)
In exchange, she sabotaged every relationship I had with my peers. Orchestrated me breaking up with the boy who'd eventually become my husband & dated him. Tried to get a mutual friend of ours to break us up when we inevitably came back together. Endlessly talked c**p about me & made up things to keep people aggravated with me. Purposefully misinterpreted any social stumble in the worst possible light.
All while smiling in my face, "borrowing" my clothes, & spending my daddy's money.
Eventually her actions became more and more flagrant & even I finally realized she was a toxic person so I walked away from all of it.
A few friends stuck around. Mostly those I'd made before I even knew her. But it soured me on trusting others outside of my family & I'm introverted enough to not really care.
I have my husband (of 25yrs!), my kids, my family & my critters.
She can have her drama.
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3points
#30
Someone lied to cover up their own f**kup. That lie ruined my social life.
3points
#32
I got d*****d and r***d by the most lovable dorky nerd in the group. They all told me I was disgusting and then froze me out and took his side during the police report and questioning.
Resulted in me moving to another city to build my life up from the ground.
He got a slap on the wrist and I got several years with of mental health problems.
Fun times.
Resulted in me moving to another city to build my life up from the ground.
He got a slap on the wrist and I got several years with of mental health problems.
Fun times.
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3points
#33
My ex boyfriend was cheating on me with all my ex friends. One of them got mad because she found out she wasn't the only side piece and decided to tell all of us. Blew up our entire friend group. That s**t is really funny looking back on it.
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3points
#34
They wanted to bring a new girl into the group. We went over to her house for dinner and the vibes were… off. I couldn’t entirely pinpoint it but I sort of didn’t like the new girl and I questioned my friends values after the things I saw.
Weeks later one of the friends tells me that none of them like new girl either, it’s just she’s been sleeping with her husband so we want to spend time at her house
I cut all of them off at that point.
Weeks later one of the friends tells me that none of them like new girl either, it’s just she’s been sleeping with her husband so we want to spend time at her house
I cut all of them off at that point.
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3points
#35
I was into this one guy in the group. Over time, I realised he was an a*****e who treated everyone he was romantically involved with terribly. No one else in the group had any issue with how he acted and I gradually realised almost all of them treated their partners terribly. They didn’t care how he acted because they all acted that way too. I just hadn’t noticed until I became romantically involved with one of them.
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3points
#36
Sometimes a whole friend group is held together by one person who always makes the plans. Once they stop reaching out, everyone just quietly drifts apart.
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3points
#37
They met up one day and all decided to push me out after months of slowly distancing themselves from me, complete with a long discord message about how I suck and my face makes them sad. (I've forgotten the rest of it, and I really don't want to reread it.)
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3points
#38
Decided to sober up. It's not fun or helpful to hang out with folks focused on not being sober if you want to be.
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3points
#39
They chose the person who dumped me (who also spun a web of lies and tried to ruin my life).
Years later he did the same to his then-partner and the penny slowly dropped for each and every one of them who contacted me in dribs and drabs. I made it clear they made their choice when I needed them more than ever, and had absolutely no interest in picking up where we left off. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Years later he did the same to his then-partner and the penny slowly dropped for each and every one of them who contacted me in dribs and drabs. I made it clear they made their choice when I needed them more than ever, and had absolutely no interest in picking up where we left off. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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3points
#40
Divorce. Everyone kept hanging out with him, and somehow I was the one who got divorced from the friend group, too.
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3points
