39 Times Someone Set A Boundary Over An Allergy And Another Person Took It Personally

My girlfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years now and have spent a bunch of get togethers with my family in that time. From the beginning, I told my parents that my girlfriend has a serious pork allergy. Whenever a family occasion comes up that involves them cooking, I always remind them about the allergy because they always seem to forget (and my family seems to eat a lot of pork, go figure). Last year at Christmas, my mom cooked the turkey with bacon layered on the top of it despite knowing about my girlfriend's allergy, and my girlfriend couldn't eat it.

So, since the holidays are coming up I reminded my mom a few weeks ago about the allergy. Today at lunch I was talking to my mom and brought up Christmas Day. She then says, "I'm cooking the turkey with bacon on top". I just looked at her and said "If you do that, (insert girlfriend's name) won't be able to eat it like last year". Then she got all upset and says "Fine, I just won't cook it with bacon like I had planned then" and I said, "You don't have to do a whole separate plan" and she got pissed off and said "Good I won't." She then asked if my girlfriend can eat ham and I just looked at her incredulously and reminded her that no, she can't, because ham is also pork. She just huffed at that and walked away from the table and didn't sit down again.

I feel hurt because I feel like there's an inconsiderate aspect to this by both of my parents not keeping in mind my girlfriend's allergy and me having to continually remind them. I'm mad because if I hadn't said anything today, the turkey would have again been cooked with bacon on it and my girlfriend wouldn't have been able to eat it, which I personally would find upsetting if I were in her shoes and it happened for a second year in a row. I know this isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of life, but AITA for getting mad at them about this?

I get lunch at work. it’s a nice perk. Too bad I have not used it for months out of fear of having another anaphylactic attack.

I have a somewhat rare allergy: sunflower seeds and oil.

People often think i’m lying about it since I’m not allergic to peanuts… the more common allergy.

Anyway at first I asked each day “is there sunflower oil in this” but they kept rolling their eyes at me so I stopped…

other allergens are listed on the board, but the only way to find out about sunflower oil is to ask.

of course days later there was sunflower oil and I had to go to the hospital in an ambulance.

I told the chef about this in a polite way but he still seems angry when I ask and has said nothing about IDK maybe putting it in the board, telling me another way I can check warning me about when it might be used.

so i stopped going for lunch. also the pandemic has been annoying and i didn’t want to add to that… but we are going back to normal lunch soon so… I want to go back but i feel like talking to him first and letting him know how mad it makes me to be made to feel … like i’m unreasonable when I ask every day. his food nearly ended me when I didn’t ask.

also I tried going today and just asking and he said “no sunflower oil” but i still had a mild reaction and … i just kinda don’t trust him on this issue… there are a lot of demanding people at this job and i try not to be one. so either i do this talk and be annoying or just forget about lunch forever

Hi everyone. I won't be going into specifics with regards to names or ages.

So my son has a birthday party every year. At this party, he always has food that consists of one of his favourite flavours of cake, such as chocolate, pineapple etc. This year, he has decided that he wants the theme to be strawberry flavoured food. Now, I'm sure most people will agree with me that having birthday parties with a food theme isn't an issue. However, in this case it is.

My son has a friend in his class. This friend has been to every birthday party my son has had. The problem is that this friend has a Strawberry allergy, so you can see where the issue would stem from. My son has said that he wants to have a strawberry flavoured food theme for his party, and that his friend likely won't be able to come due to his allergy. I told my son that if that's he wants, then he's allowed to do that, since it is his birthday.

My son told his friend about his plans. According to my son, he made it clear that him not inviting him wasn't to be malicious and that the only reason he wasn't invited was due to his food allergy. According to my friend, his mum thinks I'm being a jerk by supporting my son's decision to not invite this friend, since she believes that a birthday party needs to be inclusive.

AITA in this case?

EDIT: The child's allergy isn't life threatening, however, if he were to eat a strawberry he would have to go home to say the very least.

My son met his friend ("Jake") in school last year. They are a lot alike and became quick friends. My son has been over many times to Jake's house for sleepovers, but Jake has never been to ours. My son had asked my wife and I a few times if Jake could come over. At first I told him maybe, but after he persisted and kept asking, I told him that it was up to Jake's parents but if they said okay then it was fine. I only said this because I suspected that most likely they would not allow Jake to come over because of his food allergy. Deep down I didn't really want to invite him over because I knew it would mean a lot of prep work for us, but I wanted to be nice about it and also my son kept badgering us about this.

That was a mistake on my part because Jake's parents agreed and were really happy to let him spend the night. They said most of his friends' parents won't invite Jake to spend the night because they think it is too much trouble. This was the first time anyone had ever invited him over, and Jake was really happy.

I have explained to my wife what I've written in my post and admitted that I don't want to invite Jake over because it would be too much work and the responsibility is too much. She told me I was a selfish jerk for not only lying to our son but not being willing to go through a little extra trouble for Jake, but we are talking having to go on a 48+ hour lockdown in our home to guard against anything that could trigger his allergy. That is too much.

AITA?

I have a severe fish allergy. My hands became red and swollen whenever I come into contact with fish. It's not really painful, but it's unpleasant and uncomfortable, and I can't move my hands for a few hours. My parents are aware of this, therefore they warn me whenever they wish to eat fish. They fried some fish yesterday, and I went out. When I returned (about 5 hours later), the dishes had not been washed. As soon as I walked in, my mother told me I had to do the dishes because we had agreed that was part of my chores. When I told her I don't touch fish, she said she didn't care because it was my responsibility. I told her about the allergy and she said she bought the cream (it helps to make it less swollen)

I didn't do the dishes. I won't pass away for touching fish, but I don't want to have my hands all swollen for a day. My parents were mad, but I think I'm in the right.

edit: I can't wear gloves. I've tried them a couple times but I ended up with my hands all swollen anyways. I wish I could tell why but I genuely don't know because I often use it to wash daily and it's okay.

edit 2: I'm sorry I didn't say this before but I'm 24. Thanks to everyone calling me a child !! I miss that lmao,,,

My spouse has specific food allergies and has been on the whole 30 diet. They are near the end where they can eat specific foods. My teen and I opted not to join my spouse, but would eat meals along with her that were compatible with her allergies and the whole 30 diet.

I went to pick up my teen after school and we normally stop at Panera to get drinks on their subscription plan. While I was there I checked my accounts and noticed that we had discounts that would make 2 meals free. I called my spouse and asked if they could eat anything at Panera within the end of the whole 30 diet and their allergies. They said Panera is hit or miss for them on allergens and they couldn’t eat any of it.

We were doing leftovers, so I told my teen we could bring the two meals home and have them. When we walked in, my spouse became very upset and said I shouldn’t have brought them home knowing that she couldn’t eat any of it. I then said we could just stick them in the refrigerator and eat them at a later time when my spouse wasn’t around. My spouse was still upset and said just because something is free doesn’t mean I have to get it.

AITA?

I've been stewing on this for a while now, and thought I'd post just to get some outside perspective.

In my family it's been tradition for as long as I can remember to get Chinese takeaway on Christmas eve, and for as long as I can remember, every year my mum orders a bunch of dishes with nuts in, despite the fact I have a severe nut allergy. This year, she ordered the food, and I asked her if she could possibly call back and ask them to do the same dishes without nuts in. I told her if she didn't want to, I could call them and ask myself. What ensued was an hour of my parents calling me difficult, demanding, selfish and that it was a waste of my mums time for them to put her in a telephone queue again. My brother kicked off because he preferred having the nuts in the food and they took his side. They then told me the solution was to just "eat around the nuts" even though that is completely not how my allergy works. I ended up going and sitting on my own for the evening, feeling like I'd done something wrong. This is probably just a tiny incident but I feel like this is representative of my parents overall attitude towards me, to the point I feel physically sick with anxiety whenever I go to visit.

AITA for creating a situation which could have been avoided just by not challenging them or am I right to feel paranoid and ridiculed whenever I go and visit?

Two days ago my (29M) girlfriend (24F) came over my place and her friend (24F) tagged along, we just had a heatwave so my gf and I were in the pool (her friend wasn't). I'm a little bit of a jokester and I thought it'd be funny to push her friend into the pool. As soon as I did this, both of them started freaking out. I was pretty confused and my girlfriend helped her friend out. This is when things went to hell. Her friend started developing hives and my gf was yelling at me to call an ambulance because she's having an allergic reaction I WAS STILL CONFUSED but I called triple zero. This is when my girlfriend informed me that her friend had 'cold urticaria' (an allergy to cold) and is reacting to the cold water. I didn't even know that was a thing. Everything happened so fast, her friend started complaining about being dizzy and having shortness of breath. Thankfully the paramedics showed up, injected an epipen and then took her to hospital - she is fine now.

Just to be clear - I had NO idea about her friend's allergy but now my girlfriend is mad at me because "I shouldn't be pushing people into pools anyway" and she's making me feel even more guilty by calling me a jerk etc.

AITA?

Last week one of my coworkers started to feel unwell and another coworker took her to the ER. She was having an allergic reaction. She has an allergy towards peanuts and thinking back on it I probably caused the reaction since we both had had to use the same computer to check order and I had peanut butter on my waffles that morning. I definitely don't think I washed my hands after either. Once somebody got the call she was ok they asked us all in a group who had had peanut butter that day and I stayed completely silent.

Well, yesterday she came back into work. She was fine and everything, but apparently the trip to the ER still cost her $300 after insurance plus the money she lost not going to work for a two days. Our coworkers all sympathized and a few started saying whoever had the peanut butter should have to pay. Since I wasn't part of that conversation. I just heard them from across the room, I just focused on my work an tried to avoid the subject for the rest of the day.

Edit. A ton of people have brought this up so just so you guys know I will bring up worker’s compensation and she did have an epipen.

My (27M) girlfriend (24F) of almost two years and I recently moved in together. It’s been mostly good so far except there has been one drama and it’s all to do with my girlfriend’s allergy to milk. She’s been allergic to milk since she was pretty young, and I mean severely allergic. The last time she accidentally consumed it, she went into anaphylaxis. That was 4 years ago.

I expected that when we moved in I’d be able to eat and drink anything I want but my girlfriend is very strict on the “no milk products in the house rule.” I find it very inconvenient and i don’t think it’s fair that I’m not allowed to buy normal milk or cheese or yogurt etc. for myself. I don’t understand why she can’t have her almond milk and I have my cows milk.

Yesterday we went to the supermarket and I decided hey I’m going to buy a small carton of milk for myself because almond milk is disgusting. My girlfriend immaturely took it out of the shopping cart and we ended up having an argument in the middle of the store over something as minor as MILK. She kept saying that she’s scared she’ll accidentally drink it (I don’t see how that’s possible) so I told her that she is being extremely paranoid and she can’t control what I choose to eat or drink and i put it BACK into the cart. She told me I was being an inconsiderate jerk and walked out of the store.

I gotta ask... aita?

So I am going to an organizational function where we are asked to bring snacks to share as this will be a multi-hour event. I had already planned a dish and bought ingredients, when at the last moment an announcement was made that a singular person has sever allergies to multiple food types within a family of foods. Pretty common foods, and very uncommon allergy. My planned snack would have several of these allergens in it. They later expanded that allergy list to include refreshments that also have these ingredients.

So, seeing as this affects only 1 out of over 200 people attending, Would I be the jerk for bringing the snack I already paid for? I cannot imagine this person asks restaurants to remove this very common list of ingredients from their premises before they enter. And I plan on labeling the food.

EDIT: to clarify, the instruction was "DO NOT BRING ANYTHING WITH THESE INGREDIENTS"

So my sister’s getting married next month and she’s put me in charge of personally inviting everyone since it’s not a very big crowd. I called one of my cousins up to invite her and she said the environment needs to be completely nut-free because her new stepson has a severe nut allergy. I told her I’d get back to her in a while. Then I thought a bit more about it. I’m sure my sister would have no problem trying to accommodate them, but I wouldn’t want us to be held responsible in case someone slips up, makes a mistake, and something terrible happens to him. We’d never be able to forgive ourselves. So I called my sister and suggested we ask my cousin and her husband not to come if they’re bringing the kid. She said it’s my call ultimately. So I told my cousin that while we can ask the guests and caterers to comply, we won’t be able to completely eliminate every minute chance of some nut particles appearing during the wedding, so we’d be more comfortable if her son didn’t come. She seemed a bit disappointed. Later she put up a post on Facebook about how discrimination and insensitivity against people with nut allergies is completely overlooked, and how “people will keep getting away with it unless we speak out.”

EDIT: Ok, so I figured I found a way to make it work. I’ll tell the caterers to make it nut-free and will tell all the guests to be fully vigilant about not getting any nuts and if they can, to not consume any nuts the day of the wedding and to double-check that their clothes, bags, hair, vehicles etc not have any traces of nuts either since it’s a child’s life on the line. I called my cousin back and told her that if she’s still willing to come, I’ll do my due diligence to make it safe. I told her that I only told her not to bring him because a child’s life is a huge responsibility but she said she might’ve oversold the severity of his allergy and that its not quite life-threatening. I asked why she said he “might die” and she said that’s just her due diligence to make sure I take it seriously enough and she never thought I’d take it to the extreme. Anyway, we both felt really stupid, but she and her husband are coming with the kid and I’ll do whatever I have to but it’s a lot less stressful now knowing he’s not going to die.

I was on my way home from work last week and found a box full of almost malnourished kittens they were so skinny. I honestly was heartbroken and immediately picked up the box and took it home after stopping by the market and buying some cat food to keep them for a few days until I found a home for them.

When I got home, however, I forgot the all-important detail that my girlfriend is severely allergic to cats. And not the kind of allergy that makes her skin blister and she sneezes a little, it's the kind where her glottis can close and she chokes to death. She had told me about how severe her allergies are, but we NEVER come into contact with cats or anything that might cause a reaction so I forgot about it.

When I got back home, the first thing I did was go to our room to let her know what I had done and she panicked. The first thought I had was to get rid of the cats, but was I just going to throw the cats back outside and they'd die?

My girlfriend said she was worried about cross-contamination as I had touched objects around the house and thought it would be wiser to spend the night at her brother's house. I apologized profusely to her, for everything, for forgetting about something so important, for putting her in danger, for not being able to eliminate the cause of the problem at home. She was the most understanding person in the world and said that it's okay but that I would have to figure out what to do with the cats since they couldn't be with us.

I spent the night blaming myself immensely for what I did and it only got worse when her brother called me furious for "playing with her allergies" and that I just "forgot" because I wasn't the one who stayed at her bedside more than once after an anaphylactic shock that nearly unalived her.

Am I the jerk?

I have a son (14M) with my ex-husband, as well as a daughter (12F) with my current partner. My daughter has one of the most severe peanut allergies her doctors have ever seen. To give you an idea, someone touching a peanut, touching someone else, that person touching a surface, and then my daughter touching that surface would cause a reaction, and has before.

Because of this we have to take precautions beyond what's normal for a peanut allergy. We can't eat out, we deep clean the house frequently, and any guests have to wash their hands when they come over and avoid touching stuff. It's a lot and I can understand my son being frustrated, but the issue at hand has to do with his father's house.

My son also has two young half-brothers at his father's house, who unsurpisingly eat a lot of peanut butter and the like. Obviously we can't police what another house does, but it does mean my son has to take additional measures to keep his sister safe. Chiefly, he has to shower immediately before leaving to go to my house, otherwise he could have contamination. This is because as I said just him being in that house and than touching things could cause a reaction for his sister.

He didn't do that last week, he showered, but only the morning of, several hours before I picked him up. He refused to shower again, so I couldn't bring him and had to leave him at his father's. Now his father is accusing me of favoritism, and claims I'm abandoning my son. He also said some very homophobic things about my partner (Also a woman) and said I'm being obsessive.

I won't be going into specifics, since I'd rather avoid being identified.

I have a severe dog allergy. I can have varying disease of severity when it comes to my reactions when I'm exposed to dogs. In short, being in a closed environment with a dog is out of the question.

Earlier today, I was boarding my flight with my friends, since we're all going on vacation together. As I'm boarding, I find that one of the passengers is boarding with a Golden Retriever, with a guide dog vest on it. I want to make it clear that I'm not questioning whether this was a guide dog or not. This was also a fairly small plane, since the flight would only take around an hour. As mentioned, I cannot be in a confined space with a dog. I told one of the flight attendants my concerns, since I could have potentially ended up in hospital if I had to fly with this dog. The flight attendant informed the woman with the dog, who goes into hysterics, saying that she is visiting a sick family member, and can't afford to miss her flight. I'm not sure how sick the family member in question was/is. The flight attendant asked if I'd be willing to miss this flight and catch the next one that would be leaving in around 2 hours. I was offered a seat in first class if I was willing to do this. I said that unfortunately I wouldn't be able to do this, since I'd paid for my vacation. Due to the size of the plane, the dog would not be able to go in the hold. The woman started insulting my character, saying that I was "heartless" for putting my vacation over her sick family member.

I got on the plane and sat with my friends. As I did this, a woman in a nearby seat told me that she wanted to inform that I "am the biggest jerk that she's ever met." I didn't respond since I didn't want to cause a confrontation. My friends haven't said I'm in the wrong, but have kept making sarcastic jokes about the situation.

AITA?

I used to work at a noodle place, and one time a dad and his 3-4ish year old daughter came in. The dad ordered and then lightly nudged the girl so she would order her food- she (super quietly) ordered pad thai without peanuts, but I misheard her and thought she said without beans (it also comes with green beans)-so I ask "without beans?" to confirm that's what she said and she said yes I'm allergic, all while her dad was standing right behind her, and I even looked at him to have him confirm that's correct and he didn't react at all. So I put the order in, make note of the green bean allergy, the kitchen makes it, and I bring it out to them.

About a minute later the dad storms up to the counter saying that his daughter is deathly allergic to peanuts and how dare I put them in when she asked for them to be taken out. I said that I must have heard her incorrectly, but that I did confirm what I thought I'd heard while he was standing there and read the order back to them- he said that it was unacceptable and that "this restaurant should be ashamed" and that "we're lucky he isn't going to sue". My manager came to try and calm him down, but then afterwards pulled me aside to talk about the importance of allergies and how I needed to be more careful, even though I explained that I tried to confirm what I'd heard and wasn't being careless about the situation.

I really don't think I was in the wrong here because I TRIED to confirm the allergy and the dad sat by and said nothing. If my kid had an allergy that serious I would at the very least speak to the cashier at the end of them ordering to confirm that.

AITA (or am I in the wrong) for this?

So here’s the situation. My fiancée (25F) and I (26M) are planning our wedding for next year, and we’ve already got a house and a young daughter together. The issue is about pets in the house. My fiancée comes from a family where they always had multiple pets inside. Her mom currently has like four dogs and four cats all living indoors. Meanwhile, I was raised differently. We had dogs, but they were outdoor dogs. We took great care of them, but they never came inside.

Now that we have our own place, I’ve told my fiancée I don’t want any pets indoors because I have severe allergies to cats and dogs. My fiancée actually recently got tested and found out she’s allergic to cats and dogs too, she just never realized it because she grew up around them. Plus, I just wasn’t raised with the idea of animals living inside, and I feel strongly about keeping the house free of pet hair and potential damage. I’ve offered to get an outdoor dog and make sure it has a great setup with a nice doghouse, plenty of space, and all the care it needs.

But my fiancée and her mom think I’m being unreasonable. Her mom even said that I’d have to eventually accept a dog inside the house and that it’s just how they do things. They kind of make me feel like I’m the jerk for sticking to my boundaries, even though it’s largely about my allergies and how I grew up.

So, AITA for not wanting pets inside and insisting on keeping any dog outdoors?

I am a widower. My first wife passed away 6 years ago from cancer. A few years after she passed, I reconnected with a former girlfriend of mine (We ended the relationship amicably, but lost touch over the years). We started dating again, albeit long-distance, and we married this past January and moved in together this February.

There has been a major hiccup in all of this though. My daughter has a pet rabbit, she has had him for almost 5 years now. His name is Basil. Basil lives in my daughter's room and currently enjoys a lot of space: we converted her walk-in closet into a bunny pad, he is litter trained and she often lets him run around the house supervised. He honestly is more like a cat than what you would think a pet rabbit would be like. She has a little ramp for him to get on and off her bed and he will follow her around the house and everything.

Unfortunately, it seems my stepson is highly allergic to rabbits. It seems to be a pretty severe allergy. We've gone to doctors to try medicine, we tried banning Basil from the common areas of the house and had everything professionally cleaned. No dice on any of it. Just walking down the hallway past my daughter's room causes my stepson's eyes to swell and his throat start to close.

My stepson and wife are currently living in a hotel until we can make the house safe for him.

I told my daughter we will have to move Basil outside because him living indoors just isn't safe for her stepbrother. She is, understandably, very upset about this. I've tried to involve her in picking out and building an appropriate setup for Basil but she absolutely refuses to do so. She is mostly not talking to me, and when she is it is screaming, crying, and saying every hurtful thing she can think up towards me.

AITA?

A week ago, we was informed that we were invited to our neighbors kids' birthday party. And that the party would be on Tuesday (last Tuesday.) My kids are friends of his, so I thought it'll be alright to attend. But, I wanted to bring something. So I decided to bake a batch of cookies. My son told me that he had some sort of butter allergy, but it was mild. For one, I didn't think you could get butter allergies. But, it was mild anyway. So I decided to make cookies with the butter in them. After the party was over, they (his parents) kept the cookies for later. Because sadly, no one ate them. Well, Thursday night my neighbor gave me a call frantically asking what I put in the cookies. And I kind of responded with a cavalier tone "Whatever is in cookies," and then I suddenly remember he has a butter allergy. So I say "Oh, I put butter in them." And they get mad asking why I did that, and I told them I didn't think his reaction would be bad enough to the butter considering I was told it was mild. Anyway, the kid with the butter allergy didn't show up to school on Friday so I can't help but wonder if it was due to my cookies. My son told me it was no big deal, and how he only had mild reactions to butter. AITA?