39 Times Someone Set A Boundary Over An Allergy And Another Person Took It Personally

According to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America (AAFA), “Allergies are among the most common, but overlooked, diseases in the United States,” affecting more than 106 million people each year. That works out to roughly one in three people in the country. Common allergic conditions include seasonal allergies, eczema, and food allergies.

But despite how common allergies are—and despite what your mother-in-law or Aunt Susan might think—they aren’t merely an inconvenience. For people with severe allergies, exposure to a trigger can result in anaphylaxis, a potentially life-threatening allergic reaction that requires immediate medical attention. The AAFA estimates that anaphylaxis accounts for between 45,000 and 50,000 emergency room visits in the U.S. each year. Even more unsettling, according to the organization, emergency room visits for anaphylaxis more than doubled between 2008 and 2016.

And no, you’re not imagining it—rates of allergies really are rising. The AAFA states that “the rates of allergies are steadily rising,” while the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service notes, citing the CDC, that food allergies are “a growing food safety and public health concern.” So yeah, you might only remember that one kid at school who wasn’t allowed a party pack or slice of birthday cake, but according to the USDA, food allergies affect “1 in 13 children, or about 2 students per classroom.”

For people living with severe allergies, avoiding a trigger isn’t always as simple as just checking a label. As Dr. Khadj Rouf writes for The Psychologist, “Living with severe allergies is a daily negotiation” that extends beyond managing a medical condition into navigating social spaces and relationships. “Avoid the allergen and carry emergency medication” is the standard advice for those with food allergies. But Rouf points out that it’s rarely so simple. Rather, she explains, “there’s a high degree of emotional labour attached to it.”

Food allergens can be particularly difficult to avoid. Just think about it: eating out, going on holiday, attending celebrations, or simply spending time at school or work can all require additional planning and communication. Rouf points out that the responses from other people can make those situations easier—or considerably more difficult. In fact, she says, “Trying to manage other people’s responses can make it tempting not to bother eating out at all.”

Sometimes people’s responses come from a place of what Rouf (somewhat generously) calls “well-meaning ignorance.” For instance, she recalls being asked at a café whether microwaving a cake would destroy its milk and egg allergens. Other times, she notes that responses can also include “deliberate recklessness,” where people “may just ignore a person’s allergy as ‘faddy’ and assume that they know better than the sufferer.” The distinction matters, but Rouf also makes a sobering point about what can happen when those attitudes go too far. Speaking of the latter, she warns, “This kind of attitude can cost someone their life.”