“As Much As You Make In A Year”: 71 Arrogant People Who Managed To Do Something Deeply Cringe

In middle school I got the idea that I would be really cool if I acted mysterious. So I spent recess just looking out of the window intensely. Then this girl finally asked me what I was looking at.

"A bird", I said. She asked me where it was. I answered: "Oh, it's not a real bird. It's just in my mind."

I thought she would find me really deep and cool.

She probably just thought I was insane.

Ok, so back in high school there was this girl, let's call her T, and a guy, let's call him D, who was my friend. T was one of the hotter and more popular girls at the school. Now the first day D got his driver's license he was driving his dad's truck, I think it was an F-250 or something. He's driving it out of a parking lot when he sees T and decides to try and show off his driving acumen. He hits the gas while exiting the parking lot and turns left. But the car skids a bit and he freaks out and over corrects and the car flips on it's side in front of T.

My friend, and off duty cop (age: 22) was putting gas in his car when he saw a pretty girl in a 2010 Honda Accord pull up to fill up her tank. She seemed like the snobby bougie type, who thought the world revolved around her and that she thought she was "hot". She started putting diesel in her car as my friend told her that she was putting the wrong type of gas in her car, but she thought he was hitting on her so she said "get a life" and proceeded to continue with her business. My friend says "sorry miss, I'll go inside and add $10 to your pump for bothering you." or something along those lines...He added the $10 to her pump and while waiting for his tank to fill up, he watched as the girl tried to start her car.

EDIT: She had to get her car towed. Sorry forgot to add that.

The day after a heavy downpour, I saw a really cute girl while I was riding my bike. I decided I would pull up next to her and say hello. As I got close to her, I started braking as I began to say, "Hi, I noticed you over here." but only got as far as "Hi-" before my brakes, which were still wet, started making a terrifying screeching noise while completely failing to decelerate my bike. I just kept gliding past her with my brakes wailing like a banshee until I was a good 7 feet past her.

It was at that point that I decided to abort and pedalled away as fast I could, pretending that never happened.

Attempted to open a beer bottle with my teeth. I got the nickname chip after that.

I was in 11th grade when I first tried out for my school's rugby team. There was this other guy who as in my year who had been playing rugby all through high school, and as a result thought he was [great] at rugby despite the fact that he had only ever been on the JV team.

During our first try-out scrimmage, he kept shooting his mouth off to all the first-timers (of which there were quite a few) that he was going to tackle and completely destroy all of us. I'm a reasonably big guy (1.85m, 95kg at the time), but he definitely had a size advantage over me, so in truth it was actually quite intimidating.

The first time I received the ball, he came flying at me, clearly intent on carrying through on his promise to destroy. Despite playing rugby for a couple years before, he came at me in a bizarre tackle that involved him standing almost completely upright (rather than staying low and stable), and I managed to palm him directly in the nose.

Already unstable, he flipped onto his back by the force of my palm giving me the opportunity to slowly jog pass him. I made it onto varsity that year on my first try while he got stuck on JV again that year.

He eventually left for another school. In my senior year, we went over to said school to play against them. I saw that same guy again. I didn't see him play once, only hand out bottles of water to those people on his team who did play.

I was with some friends coming out this girl's apartment late one night. Steve (let us call him, eh?) had been trying real hard all night to impress this gal that was hanging out with us.

On the way down the outside set of stairs, Steve decides he's going to kung-fu it off the second story ledge and meet us at the bottom. He hurls himself towards the cast iron railing, plants his feet and leaps over the hurdle akin to a dolphin leaping out of the water. He extends his left arm, grabs the edge of the brick flower box--in what I can only assume was an attempt to suavely flip himself over so that he could land on the sidewalk feet first, successively making the ninja-fied move and, presumably, impressing the girl so much that she would have no choice but to sleep with him later that night.

I say "assume" because none of that actually happened. His arm, whether from misjudging the angle or woefully unprepared to support his weight at all, crumbled underneath him. Steve's shoulder took the brunt of the impact followed closely by his face. Instead of a victorious "ta-da!" we got a "humphhh-mmmm" and a rather resounding thud as Steve's body hit sidewalk below, again, followed closely by his face.

Steve tried to ride it out; Gods bless him his desire to get it on with this girl was so strong that he spent the rest of the night trying to tough out the pain. He even tried driving at one point, leaned over heavily to his left, not, I think, to look cool, but more to ease the pressure off his left side, which, again, took most of the fall, followed closely by his face. Have I mentioned that before?

After we dropped off the object of Steve's affection, Steve begged us to take him to the emergency room. Steve's tally: two missing teeth (where they went, I'll never know) one fractured forearm, a dislocated shoulder and one "mighty" concussion, as the doctor on call in the ER told us.

At first I kind of felt sorry for him, being that wrapped up in this girl that he would suffer such--what had to be unbearable pain--just on the chance that it might go somewhere.

Then I remembered, Steve was kind of a jerk and all felt right with the universe, at least, at that time.

**tl;dr** jerk guy in a move to impress chick he wants to bone, leaps off stairwell landing to perform super-uber ninja type descent to impress girl. Broken bones and dislocated shoulder ensues. Felt sorry, remembered he [was a jerk] and felt alright.

I was at a gas station filling up my hatchback once, when this guy in a huge "lifted" (oversize tires, elevated suspension) pickup truck came screeching into the stall next to me with his girlfriend in the passenger seat. He jumped down, scoffed quietly at my car, and (admittedly) his only other crime was scanning his card and pushing the buttons on the machine with way too much machismo. He was clearly an annoying [jerk], even if he didn't do anything overt at this particular moment.

So he screeched away over to the car wash, and I noticed that his gas hatch was open. And his gas cap was on the ground by my back tire. And I don't imagine car washes are good for the inside of your gas tank.

OK OK so in the jazz scene in my town, like any music scene, there are gonna be some idiots.

There is one guy who is known as the Hollywood Hurricane. Actually a real estate agent (not a musician) who wishes he could gig and be taken seriously.

Anyways, he was singing at some house party. He had a band (which were probably first year college students getting paid peanuts) behind him, and he was singin' some cheesy jazz standard. He's walking down the stairs as he's singing to the room.

Just for fun, he decides he's going to slide down the banister. However, he doesn't slide down sideways, no. He straddles it and slides down forwards.

He obviously didn't notice the huge marble orb at the bottom of the banister.

He hits the 5th, holds the dominant, and decides it'll be a great time to slide on down on a fermata.

And he NAILS himself at the bottom of the stairs. Singing stops. He falls off. Band train wrecks. Crowd goes completely silent.

Imagine an entire room of fancy people staring at a guy nursing his groin.

My buddy and I went to Cedar Point and while waiting in line, some teeny bopper girl kept holding up the line so she could have room to do a few cartwheels. After doing this three or four times, and receiving glaring looks from the rest of us, her mother gives us the "What can I do?" look and says "It's her birthday". So, she gets ready for another round, and I get ready to go postal, when she completes a perfect running cartwheel complete with the olympic-style "win" pose, and, as she's standing there, sun basking down on her stupid, smiling face, a bird flies over and [drops] directly on her face. Just before all the screaming and crying, seeing the look of utter horror on her face in that split second it took for what just happened to sink in was the high point of the day.

When I was younger I was driving my mom's car around. She has an SL 500, so it's no slouch. At a stop light a guy in a riced-out Eclipse pulled up and revved his engine, obviously wanting to race. I was already on thin ice with my parents at the time and really didn't want any other trouble, so I just looked straight ahead and tried to ignore him. He kept revving his engine (it sounded like a weed whacker with nitrous) until the light turned green, dropped it into gear (while revving pretty high) and took off. For about 5 feet, until something went disastrously wrong. There was a huge bang and black smoke started pouring out of his tail pipe. I passed him slowly on the right, making sure to wave.

The drunken white guy at the hot tub party when I was 18 or 19 who tried to impress some Asian chick with martial arts moves and ended up breaking his ankle.

In middle school, I had a belt clip for my flip phone... I thought it made me look professional... it didn't.

When I was in 9th grade, there was this skater guy who acted all [cool]. He assumed no one would mess with him since he's too [cool].. he thought. He decided to throw a grape at some guy for no reason to show his dominance. The kid who got the grape thrown at him got up and gave the kid the biggest whooping I saw in my 4 years of high school.

My friends and I wore girl's jeans in high school. Circa 2006.

I was really pale in seventh grade, and I didn't like being teased about it all of the time. So, I started wearing bronzer on my face. And neck. And my hands. And arms. It really wrecked up my clothes, and it had to look really obvious and weird. This was also during the time where I wore dark lip-liner and light colored lip gloss.

I was in Target and there was this beautiful girl down the aisle from me. After making eye contact I tried to pick up a 12pack of Sunkist as many as I could with one hand. Then suddenly the box ripped and Sunkists spilled all through the aisles. I probably looked like a crazy person laughing at myself and picking up Sunkists all over the place.

A bass player and I were at a bar, just having finished a great set, and he points out a really hot girl that he then tells me had been watching him on stage all night. As she's looking right at him, and him at her, he takes a drink from his glass and the big, black straw goes directly up his nose and gets stuck there as he gags and pulls his glass away. I tried to pull it out for him, but he kept moving around until he finally did it him self.

Everybody, even people all the way across the bar, who saw this were in tears laughing.

Why does this always happen to bass players?

The other day I was at work chatting with this girl about my technical prowess and how good I am at final cut when about mid sentence when I was answering her question of where I wanted to go to lunch, I sneezed, luckily covering my face, but unluckily got a handful of bright green snot all over myself.

I tried to play it off like nothing happened (I didn't know how much snot was in my hand) and I wiped off on my pants, not only leaving a stain but also becoming attached to my pants by a long thick and gooey snot rope. She got grossed out, I went to the bathroom and when I came back she had left with some other people.

I still haven't been able to ask her to lunch again :(.

Well, when i was a douchey 19 or 20 yr old, my friends and i crashed a frat party at a local college. we end up starting some [mess] with the frat bros and it spilled outside. we're all pouring outside and talking [trash] when my friend, who is standing a good ways behind me, fires a beer bottle at the group of fratties. unfortunately the bottle hits me in the back of the head and split my head wide open. we immediately leave, but my loser friends manage to convince me that the cut isnt that bad and take me home instead of to a hospital. from that point its a mystery what happened. i woke up the next day on the floor with my television on top of me. i dont fight anymore.