Just for a moment, imagine coming back home from deployment to realize that someone else is living in your home. The moment you find out that your soulmate has cheated on you can make you feel like your heart is literally breaking. If your partner has any integrity left, they will tell you about the affair. However, in most cases, they will try to hide their infidelity, and you will stumble upon the unsavory truth by accident.
As a warning to all couples, cheating victims spilled the tea online about the ways that they found out about their significant others’ double lives, and it is wild. We’re bringing their raw and real stories to you, and they’re a reminder of all the overt and subtle relationship red flags to look out for.
#1
Flew her out to spend some time together while we had time before fall classes began.
She was acting weird and didn't want to share my room. Fine, whatever, we had a spare.
Second night, I heard her and my lifelong best friend going to pound town through a wall that was shared with the bathroom.
Went to approach them about it - not angry, but definitely upset, confused, and hurt.
The door was barricaded with her luggage. So I tried talking through the door. When they refused to talk, I left the apartment with intentions of jumping from the nearby bridge.
Decided against it. Came back home after a couple of hours.
Cops. Everywhere. Looking for me. They were told that I had attacked them and was "armed and dangerous".
So when I showed up, I had about a dozen weapons locked on me and cops yelling at me about where my weapons were, etc.
I ended up going to jail for a weekend, getting a couple no contacts against me, dealing with a year of court cases that ate up my college funds.. in an attempt to stay out of prison for something I didn't even do.
Then, I had to work through serious PTSD for 10 years.
0/10, do not recommend.
She was acting weird and didn't want to share my room. Fine, whatever, we had a spare.
Second night, I heard her and my lifelong best friend going to pound town through a wall that was shared with the bathroom.
Went to approach them about it - not angry, but definitely upset, confused, and hurt.
The door was barricaded with her luggage. So I tried talking through the door. When they refused to talk, I left the apartment with intentions of jumping from the nearby bridge.
Decided against it. Came back home after a couple of hours.
Cops. Everywhere. Looking for me. They were told that I had attacked them and was "armed and dangerous".
So when I showed up, I had about a dozen weapons locked on me and cops yelling at me about where my weapons were, etc.
I ended up going to jail for a weekend, getting a couple no contacts against me, dealing with a year of court cases that ate up my college funds.. in an attempt to stay out of prison for something I didn't even do.
Then, I had to work through serious PTSD for 10 years.
0/10, do not recommend.
44points
#2
Got an fb message from a friend that started with, “Please don’t hate me but…” She proceeded to tell me my boyfriend who I had been dating on and off for two years was dating her other friend. She realized it was the same guy when I posted pics of us on vacation.
He had always been super weird about me not tagging him in pics—i forget what cockamamie excuse he gave at the time as this was 15ish years ago. Of course I thanked my friend and told her please tell the other woman I’m not mad and she can call me ASAP.
Phone rang 2 min later and we instantly aligned with one other and compared notes on the lying liar. He of course told both of us the other one was crazy and stalking him. We both kicked him to the curb and have stayed friendly to this day.
He had always been super weird about me not tagging him in pics—i forget what cockamamie excuse he gave at the time as this was 15ish years ago. Of course I thanked my friend and told her please tell the other woman I’m not mad and she can call me ASAP.
Phone rang 2 min later and we instantly aligned with one other and compared notes on the lying liar. He of course told both of us the other one was crazy and stalking him. We both kicked him to the curb and have stayed friendly to this day.
34points
#3
He just ghosted me after a year and a half. I called my best friend of 20 years sobbing, the girl I met at 6 and went through every phase of childhood to adulthood with.
And she didn't pick up. Or return my call. Day 3, I sat up electrified. It was her. Drove to his house and there was her car.
Men are abundant and he's of low value. So I wasn't missing a cheating piece of work. But there's no replacing a best friend from childhood and the betrayal was compounded by his mom living across from me and seeing them together at her house daily.
Everything is so good 15 years later. Have an amazing best friend that feels like a sister and the most amazing husband and 2 kids. They both flamed out and last I heard, he was buying pills in Mexico and selling them to his friends. She's unemployed with 3 DUIs.
And she didn't pick up. Or return my call. Day 3, I sat up electrified. It was her. Drove to his house and there was her car.
Men are abundant and he's of low value. So I wasn't missing a cheating piece of work. But there's no replacing a best friend from childhood and the betrayal was compounded by his mom living across from me and seeing them together at her house daily.
Everything is so good 15 years later. Have an amazing best friend that feels like a sister and the most amazing husband and 2 kids. They both flamed out and last I heard, he was buying pills in Mexico and selling them to his friends. She's unemployed with 3 DUIs.
32points
The most fundamental thing that heavily implies your partner might be cheating on you is a sudden, radical shift in their behavior. That’s not to say that every behavior or habit change is ‘proof’ of infidelity (they might be stressed at work or in their personal life, or they’re putting in the effort to be a better partner), but it is incredibly suspicious to say the least.
If your soulmate is suddenly cagey and secretive when they were previously bubbly and open, or incredibly loving and caring when they’re usually more emotionally reserved, it might be because they’re struggling with guilt.
A huge, neon-bright red flag is if your significant other becomes super protective of their electronic devices, changes their account passwords, opts out of family-sharing, and takes calls and texts in secret.
#4
Started with my kid saying “I don’t want a new daddy, I love this daddy” to me when tucking her in one night. I then dug around and found it all out.
29points
#5
He told me. After he’d fathered a child with a one night stand. I didn’t find out until the baby was a year old and he was being sued for child support. I left him the next day.
27points
#6
A work colleague of mine, male (not me I promise) was out with his girlfriend at a restaurant celebrating the girlfriend's birthday. Also present was the parents of the girlfriend and other members of her family. Now, the girlfriend and all the members of the family did not know the male was married. He had been married 9 years and had been leading a double life since meeting this girlfriend a few months prior. Everyone had a great time and the male insisted on paying the bill at the end of the night. This was in the days of cheque books. The male wrote out the cheque and the father of the mistress noticed the cheque was a joint account for the male and his wife in both their names i.e Mr and Mrs John Doe, and promptly brought it to everyone's notice. You can imagine the chaos. His wife and girlfriend both left him the next day.
27points
Another thing that should make you suspicious is that your partner is—again, suddenly, unusually—unreachable, and you have no idea what they’re doing, where, or with whom. Having a bit of personal privacy in a relationship is healthy; however, it is suspicious if you don’t willingly share parts of your day with your loved one. Privacy and secrecy are worlds apart.
What’s more, you should be wary of altered schedules, “working late” out of the blue, inconsistent explanations, tons of criticism toward you, and bizarre expenses.
#7
He asked our 21yo daughter to help him with an email. When she started typing in the recipient name other emails with the same name popped up. She noticed some were replies to a post on a dating site.
Later she looked in his browser history and multiple adult companion sites. She told me and I looked at his bank accounts - we’ve always kept them separate but I have his passwords - and found cash withdrawals of $600-$1000 per week. Phone records showed hundreds of texts and calls to adult companions.
Confronted him and he admitted to all of it but didn’t apologize for the lying or cheating. Suggested marriage counseling. I filed for divorce.
Later she looked in his browser history and multiple adult companion sites. She told me and I looked at his bank accounts - we’ve always kept them separate but I have his passwords - and found cash withdrawals of $600-$1000 per week. Phone records showed hundreds of texts and calls to adult companions.
Confronted him and he admitted to all of it but didn’t apologize for the lying or cheating. Suggested marriage counseling. I filed for divorce.
26points
#8
She went through my phone. She didn’t find anything incriminating but I wondered where her paranoia came from and started to pay attention to her behavior with her own phone. And it all unraveled.
24points
#9
I was on vacation in Costa Rica for two weeks. About a week in, one of my friends messaged me and said “He’s flirting with me and is asking to have intercourse with me.” My friend told me immediately and I’m forever grateful for them.
22points
While some cheaters have less time and energy for intimacy with their main partner, others, in fact, feel more energized. A sudden spike in the frequency and variety of your intimacy should get your inner alarm bells ringing. Meanwhile, some cheaters, in order to protect themselves and project their feelings, might accuse you of being unfaithful to them.
It is usually awesome if your partner takes a bigger interest in being fitter, healthier, and more stylish. Who doesn’t want a happier and livelier soulmate, after all? And yet, if these interests appear out of nowhere, it might be that they’re trying to impress someone else, aside from you.
#10
Cell phone went from no password and left everywhere and constantly asking me to check it for her, to locked screen, no notification sounds, and her getting out of the shower midway because she "accidentally left her phone away from her". initially thought this was just an odd change.
At the same time, she started texting me to get the kids from the babysitter after I was done working, because she "had an appointment". I don't get done with work for 3 hours after her, and at a time of day that Dr appointments no longer happen.
Proof came when she saved intimate pictures of them that uploaded to google photos on our computer that I had the log in too.
At the same time, she started texting me to get the kids from the babysitter after I was done working, because she "had an appointment". I don't get done with work for 3 hours after her, and at a time of day that Dr appointments no longer happen.
Proof came when she saved intimate pictures of them that uploaded to google photos on our computer that I had the log in too.
21points
#11
First time I caught him in my own room with some girl it was a house party for new years.
Second time we were living together another house party I went to bed around 11pm. I woke up at 2am something startled me awake to this day not sure what it was to be honest, but in the end I was spooked. So, I walked out of our room to the living room. He was there going at it with one of my close girlfriends and some dude from his work. Honestly, it was so upsetting and shocking I thought I’d have like words to yell at them but I just ended up going to the bathroom and threw up.
Packed a bag and grabbed my dog, called my brother, and left. Never looked back in the end this cheating probably saved my life. It wasn’t until I left him and got some therapy I realized how horrible he was. So, oddly I’m grateful to have caught him because it helped me get out.
I do think often about my ex friend she married him they were sleeping together for sometime she was a few months pregnant when I caught them. I cant imagine trying to parent with someone like him. I hope she’s ok and maybe he isn’t like that with her.
Anyway, once a cheater always a cheater. Learned that the hard way.
Second time we were living together another house party I went to bed around 11pm. I woke up at 2am something startled me awake to this day not sure what it was to be honest, but in the end I was spooked. So, I walked out of our room to the living room. He was there going at it with one of my close girlfriends and some dude from his work. Honestly, it was so upsetting and shocking I thought I’d have like words to yell at them but I just ended up going to the bathroom and threw up.
Packed a bag and grabbed my dog, called my brother, and left. Never looked back in the end this cheating probably saved my life. It wasn’t until I left him and got some therapy I realized how horrible he was. So, oddly I’m grateful to have caught him because it helped me get out.
I do think often about my ex friend she married him they were sleeping together for sometime she was a few months pregnant when I caught them. I cant imagine trying to parent with someone like him. I hope she’s ok and maybe he isn’t like that with her.
Anyway, once a cheater always a cheater. Learned that the hard way.
21points
#12
I found out on our ring doorbell, said doorbell video went viral and helped pay for the divorce.
21points
This is a super sensitive topic, but if you feel like venting or warning others, you can do so in the comments.
Have you been cheated on, or have you ever been unfaithful to your partner? How did you find out about the affair?
In your experience, what are some of the most subtle infidelity red flags that everyone should keep an eye out for?
#13
Came home from deployment, some dude was living in my house.
19points
#14
A school mate of the person my person was cheating with called me at work to tell me. they were a complete stranger but hated the way the person was speaking about me and felt sympathy.
19points
#15
Found Grindr installed on my ex husband's phone he told me after having a baby I wasn't attractive to him anymore and sometimes he just really wanted to suck a men's privates and I didn't have one so It wasn't fair if I stopped him.
18points
#16
A lady of the night sent me a *linkedin message* bc he had walked out without paying. Who knew they were LinkedIn of all places lmao.
18points
#17
The girl purposely hid her lipstick in his car so I could find it🥲💔.
17points
#18
Every time he left to visit his family in the neighboring state (which I've visited before with him) he used my social anxiety as an excuse for me to stay home.
The last time was for two weeks. Rarely called, barely responded when he did answer. I knew then it was over.
I was in love, I was young and trusted him too easily, but not stupid. I knew even if he denied it. He was a coward and tried to frame it like he didn't want to hurt my feelings.
It's also kinda hard to deny it when after an 8 year relationship you immediately get engaged to a girl in that neighboring state.
That's the simplified version of it.
F you, Kyle.
The last time was for two weeks. Rarely called, barely responded when he did answer. I knew then it was over.
I was in love, I was young and trusted him too easily, but not stupid. I knew even if he denied it. He was a coward and tried to frame it like he didn't want to hurt my feelings.
It's also kinda hard to deny it when after an 8 year relationship you immediately get engaged to a girl in that neighboring state.
That's the simplified version of it.
F you, Kyle.
17points
#19
With one guy, I googled him and found an article with pictures of his wife reading a children’s book she had written about a story he had told me on our first date. The article referenced their happy family. She had the same first name I did.
With a more recent ex, saw another woman on the security camera in my home while I was out of town. I’d had suspicions so I set the alarm to notify me when the front door had been opened.
With a more recent ex, saw another woman on the security camera in my home while I was out of town. I’d had suspicions so I set the alarm to notify me when the front door had been opened.
17points
#20
I had an emergency and needed to talk to her. She said she's call me in a few, that she was taking to her son. After 20 minutes i text the son. He called me immediately. He hasn't talked to her since the day before. I confronted her and she continued to lie. So, party over. Dropped her.
17points
