911 Operators Share Their Stupidest Calls, And It's Too Embarrassing To Read

She called 911 because she lost her phone... in her house... and wanted me to call it so she could find it. Apparently she was borrowing a friend's phone that could only make emergency calls.

Paramedic here. We responded to a call for a woman that ate a jalapeno and her mouth hurt. Upon arriving at the scene, we got cancelled because she ate some bread and drank milk.

"911 what is the location of your emergency?"
"Oh, this isn't an emergency."

People call several times a day about squirrels in their yard. Not even squirrels that are acting weird, just squirrels.

911 responder (paramedic) here. 3am 911 call for unknown medical aid, lights and sirens. Upon arrival, what's wrong sir? "I can't sleep!" So you want to go to the hospital? "No, can you give me something to sleep? I just started a new sleeping pill tonight and it's not working." No sir, we can only take you to the hospital. We're not a mobile pharmacy. "Oh, then never mind, you can leave. I'll just call my doctor in the morning."

A guy called hoping we could go in and recover his bondage equipment from a friend's house after that friend died.

EMT here, I once responded to a man in his mid to late sixties lights and siren. On arrival instead of finding him experiencing abdominal pain like he told the dispatcher he simply had an itchy belly. I get that it itches and that sucks, But do you honestly think this is a good reason to occupy an emergency ambulance? Not only did he make us take him to the ER but asked why we weren't driving with the lights on. Good thing stupid isn't contagious.

Just got off work and the last call of the night was a group of college girls running back and forth around their apartment from a possum, squealing (the girls, not the possum). I've heard people get stabbed to death and make less of a fuss.

We had a call for a guy with a toothache. At 3AM. On a Saturday. The guy stated that he'd been hurting for about three weeks, and no it wasn't getting any worse. He was insisting on going to the hospital no matter how much we discouraged him.
Then he keeled over and went into cardiac arrest. Not so stupid anymore.

"There's a sophomore here, and I think he's too drunk."
"Do you think he has alcohol poisoning? Is he conscious and alert, breathing?"
"Umm....he's breathing and stuff, he just, he --- can't get on the toilet."
"Excuse me?"
"I've been watching him for the last 30 minutes. He keeps trying to get on the toilet, and....failing."
"Okay then, I'll send you an ambulance."
"It's kind of entrancing. He's trying SO HARD and he just can't get on top of it."

"There's a bicycle parked up next to the bus stop near my house, reporting it as suspicious because I've never seen it there before."

"80 y/o male, took an ambien and feels drowsy" at around 2 am. We came, tucked him in, went home.

A man called to say his 50p coin was stuck in a washing machine at his local launderette and wanted police to retrieve it

"My neighbor is watering her lawn, and it's not her day to water the lawn."

"911, what's your emergency?"
"Yeah, I ordered chicken wings for delivery like an hour ago. Now the pizza place is closed and they won't answer the phone. They stole my money!"
"Sir, did you call 911 because of missing chicken wings?"
"Uh..." click

"Was that an earthquake?"
"Uh, yes."
"Ok bye."

A guy who tried to burn off haemorrhoids with dry ice.

15 year old girl said there was a 3 foot monster, we thought it was a rabid dog. Turns out it was a 2 inch spider...

I've had someone call 911 to ask what the fines for parking tickets are.

A man who did not have change for a parking machine claimed staff at a car park had kidnapped him because they were refusing to let him out for free