311 Obvious Hints From Girls That Guys Hilariously Failed To Notice

I'm the guy whose head it went over. After my first real date ever (though at the time I wasn't sure if it was a date) when I was 19 at the movies, I took her home. I offer to walk her to her door like a sir. When we're up there she tells me I didn't have to do that and I reply with something like "Well, sometimes I like to pull out the old school/traditional moves". She turns away from the key in her door, takes a slight step towards me, and says "Well, do you know any more of those traditional moves"...I f*cking bow, tip my f*cking hat, and f*cking say some corny shit like "I had a lovely time tonight, madam". I didn't realize what I'd missed until I was halfway home and I scared the people beside me at the light because I was screaming at the top of my lungs and pounding the dashboard. Telling that story still makes me mad at myself all these years later.

I was sent a picture of a "halloween" outfit. When i look back and think.. She was just in a bra. I responded with "you'll be cold". Woops.

In high school a girl I walked home with regularly asked me to go to her house to hang out. When we were sitting on her couch, she said that her parents wouldn't be home for hours and asked if there were any 'games' that I've always wanted to play with a girl... My reply was "I dunno, maybe Tekken or something".. So we played Tekken. On her couch. Alone. For two hours.

Spent the night at a particular guy's house for the first time. Told him I don't like sleeping alone at a strange house, which is mostly true. I kind of get freaked out in the dark. He set me up on his futon and made me a playlist of really comforting music. It was really sweet of him, and honestly I slept really well. The next morning I woke him up in his bed and he asked if all along I wanted to sleep in his bed. I laughed a little :)
Also we've been dating for awhile now.

She ordered an ice-cream cone, 'accidentally' smeared it on her cheek, and asked me to get it off. I grabbed the last napkin and wiped it off. Persistent as ever, she 'accidentally' smears ice-cream on her other cheek and politely informs me that I can get it off with my mouth, given our napkin deficit. I just said, "Nah, I hate strawberry", and used my dry elbows to get it off.
In hindsight, I should have used my shirt.

Texted a guy I work with "so what are you up to tonight?" as a prelude to asking if he wanted to get drinks or something. Instead of texting he calls me and says "Why, what's going on??" Thought I was about to hand him some work-related emergency. "Haha, no I was just wondering." "Oh okay, thank god! Haha bye." Hangs up the phone.
"No, but... I was... you... never mind."

Hey, computer store guy, the best response to "Hey, let me have your number so we can study at my place sometime" is not to roll your eyes and say "Oh yeah, because you're so much smarter than me. I don't need help! I'm fine."
Though watching your co-worker silently lose his shit in the background was reward enough for that interaction.

Girl invited me upstairs for coffee after a date. I replied with something very similar to:
" No thanks, I don't like coffee. It keeps me up."
It wasn't until I was watching Seinfeld later that I realized I have the dating skills of George Costanza.

This is a hint a girl dropped for me:
Girl: "hey ;)" Me: "hi" Girl: "I'm home alone, wanna come over?" Me: "uh it's sort of cold out" Girl: "oh"
Didn't even think about it until i was laying in bed that night

I worked the overnight shift at a hotel one summer. Worked with a gorgeous blonde. One Friday night, I came in as her shift was ending. "Your backup called in sick, so you'll be here by yourself," she said. "Okay," I replied. "Would you like me to stick around for a couple of hours? I hate to leave you all alone on a weekend night." "No, that's fine!" This went back and forth a few times, and then she gave me a big smile. "StuporCollider, I don't think you understand. I really want to stay." I smiled. "Okay, thanks!" Then I went and balanced the credit card receipts.

Oh my god, they literally pulled me on top of them. We were together visiting a friends house, and she walked in to his bedroom and I followed after, so she turned around and grabbed me by the tie then literally pulled me down on top of her on the bed. So what do I do? Get up and apologize.

Put out my hand for him to hold and he high fived me.

I'm a guy and I've told this story before but I must again to make clear how oblivious we are:
Met this girl through my (female) best friend. Her and I became friends due to our mutual love of movies. She's come by most evenings and we'd chill, smoke a jernt and watch foreign films, work through the Criterion collection or catch some underground cult classics...she'd often stay well into the night and sleep over. Often in my room with me.
This went on for a long while and then one day she just disappeared, cut off FB and everything -- gone. I knew I did nothing so I figured "life change" and went on....
Flash forward to years later/last year-ish...I'm on the phone with my best friend and make some joke about 'Netflix and Chill' to her, she says "THATS WHAT ******* SPENT MONTHS TRYING TO DO WITH YOU"...I swear I didn't know until that moment and worst part is, I was head over heels for that girl.

Asked a guy for his number after a Meetup. Went on a date with him that he didn't realize was a date until his friend that we ran into texted him to apologize for crashing it. Currently sitting on the couch next to him, 3 years later, looking at dogs that are available for adoption. He eventually caught on.

Went on a date with a girl and she asked if I wanted to come back to hers and stay over. I thought it was perfect as I had work in the morning and she lived right around the corner. I literally got into her bed, said good night, turned over and went to sleep. About a year later something reminded me of that night and the penny dropped. What a f*cking idiot.

Dude here.
Girl at work is standing in front of the door I need to walk through with her back turned to me. I say "excuse me" and wait for her to move. Instead of stepping to the side, she drops her pen, and literally digs her ass into my crotch. I'm talking sliding the weenie between the buns here. Didn't think anything of it.
Couple days later she's like "Hey gshock37, some of us from work are going to the bar later, but I need a date. Know anyone who wants to go?"
My response: Hmm, not off the top of my head.
Yeah, I'm not suave.

After many moons of trying get this guy in bed I straight up humped his leg in an act of horny desperation. He thought it was hilarious. Years later he asked me why we never hooked up.
Edit: some clarification
We were making out on his couch at the time. I didn't just attack him and try to f*ck his leg.

We were leaving the beach, and I decided to try the change the suit under the towel trick. Keeping eye contact, I told him if I messed up and flashed him, I hope he likes what he sees. He promply turned around to give me privacy. I kissed him later that night-he got that one ;)

Oh so many. Just hints of like "It's getting late, you should stay over" and I respond with "Nah, I really like my bed."
Or getting a text at 3AM from a girl who said her bed was freezing and if only there was someway for it to heat up. I recommended a jumper.
I'll tell you, a lot of hints are missed when you are just f*cking tired.

I was married, and wanted to make life a little mor excited. So when he came home from work I stood in the hallway naked, with a rose between my theeth. He opened the door, looked and me and said: Have you swallowed the vase?