68 Hilariously Obvious Lies That Were So Ridiculous Nobody Even Bothered Pretending To Believe Them

“I see a future for us” - after he had accepted a job in another country that he hadn’t said he had applied for...

I worked with a guy who was a compulsive liar. after working with several people like this over the years I have come to understand that it is an odd personality trait. So this guy is a New York Jets fan as I am. I asked him one day when the jets were good if he saw the playoff game last night. He told me he was at the game. He could not have been at the game because he was at work with me at kickoff.

I've had toddlers with faces/hands/clothes covered in peanut butter swear up and down that their brother/sister was the one who ate the peanut butter.

Also, one of my favorites from a couple of years ago:

“I didn’t write that!” - Sean

Edit once more: Sean claimed he didn’t write that with his hands covered in the charcoal he used to write that.

"I never said you had to sign the document if it wasnt true"

Says the person with three emails telling me to sign a document even after I said it wasn't true sitting on her outbox.

Mom opened the door to my closet illegal plants farm

Her: "what is this?"

Me, panicking: "eehhhhhh....... tomatoes?"

Her: "right... be careful with those lamps"

She never asked about my tomatoes

Edit: this happened in my apartment. She was looking for something and accidentally opened the closet.

My friend told me that getting a Peloton changed her life. I looked up her workout stats & she had used it 4 times in 5 months of owning it. Her husband fared a little better with using it 9 times.

Don't know why this annoyed me so much.

Used to play D&D with a pathological liar. (Side note, he had the most INCREDIBLE luck with natural 20 rolls.)

Another thing about this guy is he always tried to act like a macho tough guy too who had been in serious scrapes and such. So one time, unprompted, he said under his breath, but obviously wanting us to hear, "I've got to get this shrapnel out of me."

We were just like, "sure man, whatever you need to do."

EDIT: Just remembered another thing he did once that was even better— we were taking a break and several of us had just stepped away from the table so it was just me, him, and maybe one other person and he pulled out his phone and did that thing like in the movies where you don't say "Hi" or anything he was just like "talk to me". Pretended to have a very brief conversation and ended it with "I'm on it" or something like that and then hung up.

Used to have a friend that spewed nonsense all the time. Told me her bio parents, who live together, were divorced and seeing other people, and also that she had 25 siblings. Brought it up to her mom one time, which was an interesting conversation. She also told us she had cancer, and then a week later it was miraculously cured.
Edit: spelling.

I used to work with a guy that was a serial liar. Couldn’t tell the truth if his life depended on it.

So many lies, but this is my personal fave:

- background -

Keep in mind that at the NFL combine the 40 yard dash is the standard for speed. 4.5 seconds is great. 4.4 is elite. And the fastest time ever recorded - by a prospect is, I believe 4.24 seconds.

This yutz I worked with claimed that back in his army days, he ran a 4.2 flat - in combat boots.

Let’s just say I’m skeptical.

“I did not feed your dog any human food” - my mom, while my dog pukes all over my house.

Me coming up stairs to tell kid to hurry up and be ready to go out fifteen mins after already telling him and seeing him on his phone through the slightly open door.

Why the hell aren't you ready yet, get the hell off your phone.

"I wasn't on my phone."

a high school drop out who insisted she knew more about nutrition than me, a board certified physician.

"I'm not into drama".

Someone once told my own story back to me. I told them something funny that happened to me, and 6 mos later they told me back my own story, only that it happened to them.

Classmate in 8th grade insisted that he and his dad had done a deep sea dive down to the Titanic over winter break. Sure thing, Sam.

Something a family friend (FF) said when he got to the UK:

kid: but if you're from South Africa, why aren't you black?

FF: Well, when you cross the equator you turn white.

"I don't tell lies".

Might have been somewhat believable if she wasn't known to be the biggest liar most of us had ever met.

That my dad hadn’t touched a single button on the remote and all the channels had become spanish on their own.

When a co-worker told my own story back to me as his own. Twice.

A friend told me to come and visit (a 120 mile journey) because he was off work.

He was at work when I arrived.