Most of us do everything we can to avoid offending other people. We try to be polite, pleasant, and kind to other humans, whether they’re a close friend or a stranger on the street. But occasionally, you might find yourself in a situation where a sharp tongue and a quick mind will come in handy. So if you’re looking to slip some brutal insults into your back pocket, you’ve come to the right place.
Netizens have recently been recalling the most intelligent and scathing insults they’ve ever heard, so we’ve compiled a list of them below. These roasts are so brilliant that they might fly completely over someone’s head or take a moment for them to understand, but that’s what makes them so beautiful. Enjoy scrolling through these Shakespearean-esque digs, and be sure to upvote the ones that you’d love to dish out in the future!
#41
Overheard in a meeting, "i think we should all take a moment to appreciate how confident you are about that." took the bloke twenty minutes and a coffee break.
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3points
#43
For coworkers:
Boy, you sure make this look hard.
Bud, I'm going to claim you as a dependant on my tax return.
To an apprentice: one day you are going to make a great apprentice.
Boy, you sure make this look hard.
Bud, I'm going to claim you as a dependant on my tax return.
To an apprentice: one day you are going to make a great apprentice.
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2points
#45
I've always liked 'If you were half as smart as you think you are, you'd be twice as smart as you are' because it makes everyone stop and do the algebra in their head. Including me making sure that I said it right.
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2points
#46
I would buy you at my estimation of you, and sell you at yours, and I'd make a handsome profit.
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2points
#47
"That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting."
-Marvin The Paranoid Android giving a backhanded compliment.
-Marvin The Paranoid Android giving a backhanded compliment.
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2points
#49
Talking to you is like reading the terms and conditions: I know I should stop, but I keep hoping there’s something useful at the end.
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1point
#50
> I guess you only know the abridged version of Descartes.
Was not smart enough to understand that one when I overheard it to be honest, till my friend repeated "I think, therefore...you know it right?".
Was not smart enough to understand that one when I overheard it to be honest, till my friend repeated "I think, therefore...you know it right?".
1point
#51
My wife explained a Vietnamese phrase to me, essentially “who told you to do that?” Saying this to someone after they made an entirely independent decision that was a bad one, like they could only have done it if someone gave them awful advice.
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1point
#52
To a fellow electrical engineer, the work you do is complex; half of it is imaginary.
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1point
#53
"... I was going to jokingly insult you, but I couldn't think of anything that wasn't true.".
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1point
#54
A coworker once told another colleague, mid-argument: "If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose." Everyone in the room went quiet for about three seconds while it landed. It's not even that clever on paper, but delivered at exactly the right moment it cut like a scalpel.
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1point
#56
When I was younger, must have been around 16 just finished comprehensive school, I walked into a local surf shop and the owner offered me a job right then and there. I took the job and worked there for a few months until I was fired for whatever reason. About a year later I bumped into the owner (it was a local club, he was alone and wasted) and he said, “You were hired on looks and you were fired on looks”, and I still don’t quite get it 😅.
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-1point
#57
“You’re the kind of person that has to look at both earbuds before putting them in”
After putting in “L”, only an idiot would have to verify the other said “R” before putting it in.
After putting in “L”, only an idiot would have to verify the other said “R” before putting it in.
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-1point
#58
I've always wanted to use the insult, "Man, your brain is sure smooth." to see if they get it or not.
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-2points
#59
He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
You hear it and think art reference - oh, nice. Then you remember Van Gogh... cut off his own ear. Meaning he's tone deaf.
You hear it and think art reference - oh, nice. Then you remember Van Gogh... cut off his own ear. Meaning he's tone deaf.
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-3points
