Ok, we know. There’s a 99,9% chance that something like this has never even remotely crossed your mind. But let’s think about it for a second. The tradition of Santa Claus delivering a Christmas lump of coal to naughty kids has unclear origins, but the theories are all pretty ancient. One of the most popular ones claims that since coal was so commonly used to heat homes, it was easy for Santa to take a piece from the house itself and give it to those kids who caused a little too much trouble that year.
But now? How many homes still use these dark rocks to find some cozy warmth during the harshest winters? We’re not saying it completely disappeared, but Santa Claus would have to come up with some lump of coal alternatives, that’s for sure.
Most Christmas traditions don’t have this problem of anachronism — as long as trees, good food, and ugly sweaters exist — but when it comes to coal, Santa Claus should have adjusted his punishment methods at a certain point. This whole debate was born by an AskReddit post we found that honestly blew our minds for how random but, at the same time, relevant it was.
Is it possible for Santa’s lump of coal to have been updated for the modern era? What if Santa Claus has moved on from this old-fashioned tradition? Or if he decided that the only way to keep up with the times was to get rid of the coal altogether? So many questions that Redditors tried to find a logical answer to. After a careful reading, we collected them all here because the world deserves to know what a modern-day lump of coal would look like. You know, just for the sake of it.
#64
“Bootlegs of what they asked for (like a bootleg Pokémon toy, a crazy rip off of a movie they asked for, a Soljaboy console instead of an Xbox, etc.)”
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5points
#67
"I mean, coal was still useful then. Imagine being a cold, child, reaching into your stocking Christmas day, and finding coal? Sure, it isn't a present, but you toss it in the fireplace you're standing by because that's where stockings go and get some warmth on a cold Christmas morning.
So, a consumable for a brief period of happiness, that you could already get from your parents most likely?
Your parents change the Wi-Fi password and write the new one on a rock in your stocking. You pull out the rock, enter the new password into your phone and devices, and feel happy for the new password, but also sad that that's all you got."
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4points
#72
“I subscribe to the FilterEasy delivery service. They deliver new air filters on a scheduled basis. They did a video of parents pranking their kids by giving them air filters as early Christmas presents. Their reactions were about what you’d expect.”
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4points
#73
"Dead batteries are basically about as useless to a kid as coal. I propose them."
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4points
