Infidelity can be one of the weirdest things that people are involved in. They could end things with someone, but they choose to cheat instead. Alas, some humans want the best of both worlds. But it’s really shocking how much effort they are willing to put into their affairs. In fact, some even lead double lives.
Well, they don’t always get away with it, but things can get utterly messy when they are caught. One netizen asked people to spill the tea on wild incidents involving their partners’ double lives, and they didn’t hold back. From heartbreaking to unhinged, here are the wildest tales that folks shared!
#1
Growing up we thought my dad had 4 kids (us, with our mom). Turns out he had families/mistresses on the side and had 13 kids total. Biggest giveaway was that there was a 30 year age difference between my mom and dad and he swooped in and married her on her 18th birthday soon after she got out of Catholic school. I'm almost 50 now with 2 kids and I'm still younger than he was when he married my then 18yo mom. He was almost 60 when I was born. With us he acted extremely prejudiced against a particular race, yet he had several children of that race. We found out late in life, when they came on a lifelong quest to meet their bio dad.
12points
#2
Constantly accused me of cheating or wanting to cheat or trying to cheat.
If I went to the bathroom and didn't answer the phone I was cheating.
If I crossed the street to check out a store when I told him I was only going out for groceries I was cheating.
When I had a conversation with a mutual friend in front of him we were secretely being intimate with each other.
When I was pregnant with his child I was going to cheat.
The doctor who delivered my baby had to be a woman because a man would be looking at me and I would probably cheat. I am not exaggerating or joking in this last one or any of the previous ones.
I stayed with him because I didn't know what normal was. My mom's a narcissist and my childhood was emotional hell. Family is everything and all that stuff.
I just didn't know to run. Fast and far away a long time ago.
We split. Of course he himself was a cheater.
If I went to the bathroom and didn't answer the phone I was cheating.
If I crossed the street to check out a store when I told him I was only going out for groceries I was cheating.
When I had a conversation with a mutual friend in front of him we were secretely being intimate with each other.
When I was pregnant with his child I was going to cheat.
The doctor who delivered my baby had to be a woman because a man would be looking at me and I would probably cheat. I am not exaggerating or joking in this last one or any of the previous ones.
I stayed with him because I didn't know what normal was. My mom's a narcissist and my childhood was emotional hell. Family is everything and all that stuff.
I just didn't know to run. Fast and far away a long time ago.
We split. Of course he himself was a cheater.
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9points
#3
I’ve told this story before in a similar thread, but I’ll rewrite it.
I was 6 years old when my grandfather passed away. He was a great man. He owned and operated his own scrapyard and provided abundantly for my family when they came up from Mexico. However, he was apparently a bit of a player...
The day of his funeral, there was about 3x the expected turnout. And if you know anything about Hispanic families, that viewing room was PACKED to the brim of people.
A priest took the stand and began his eulogy, and at the end asked for all of Grandfathers children to stand up... yikes. In addition to my 3 uncles and 4 aunts, At least a dozen people arose from their seats, and soon low gasps and whispers started to flood the room. My grandfather had at least 2 other families we did not know about until the day of his funeral.
There wasn’t really any drama as a result. In fact, the entire family is actually closer. Our family gatherings are just much bigger now.
Tl;dr - Grandfather had 2 other families we did not know about until the day of his funeral. Awkwardness ensued.
I was 6 years old when my grandfather passed away. He was a great man. He owned and operated his own scrapyard and provided abundantly for my family when they came up from Mexico. However, he was apparently a bit of a player...
The day of his funeral, there was about 3x the expected turnout. And if you know anything about Hispanic families, that viewing room was PACKED to the brim of people.
A priest took the stand and began his eulogy, and at the end asked for all of Grandfathers children to stand up... yikes. In addition to my 3 uncles and 4 aunts, At least a dozen people arose from their seats, and soon low gasps and whispers started to flood the room. My grandfather had at least 2 other families we did not know about until the day of his funeral.
There wasn’t really any drama as a result. In fact, the entire family is actually closer. Our family gatherings are just much bigger now.
Tl;dr - Grandfather had 2 other families we did not know about until the day of his funeral. Awkwardness ensued.
9points
As a single adult working a 9-to-6 job, I can vouch for how exhausting it can get. Between keeping the house clean, cooking, grocery shopping, tending to my small garden, and juggling work, I barely get an hour a day to unwind. I honestly can’t even imagine all the extra responsibilities that married people with children have to deal with.
But it’s more flabbergasting to think about the folks who put so much time and effort into their affairs and even have double lives. What do you mean you have time to juggle both your families and even handle work? I often wonder how these people manage not to break under the pressure of hiding such dark secrets.
#4
Dated a man when I was fresh out of college who was about ten years older than I was. He was charming and funny, but very particular about his schedule. He didn’t like to be disturbed during certain times. We dated for about a year and a half.
I moved away and thought maybe we’d stay together, but a good friend called me and told me that he had met this guys other girlfriend. She had been dating him for two years. I was the other woman and didn’t even know it. Looking back, there was the time I found someone else’s birth control (“that’s from my last girlfriend”), the time I showed up and he came to the door breathless and half dressed and said he’d been taking a nap and didn’t invite me in, and all the many times that he was so picky about his schedule.
Years later he wrote and told me he “did some things he shouldn’t have” but wouldn’t even really cop to it.
Anyway, I’m better off now! Freed me up to meet other people and live my life and now I have a super cute husbo.
I moved away and thought maybe we’d stay together, but a good friend called me and told me that he had met this guys other girlfriend. She had been dating him for two years. I was the other woman and didn’t even know it. Looking back, there was the time I found someone else’s birth control (“that’s from my last girlfriend”), the time I showed up and he came to the door breathless and half dressed and said he’d been taking a nap and didn’t invite me in, and all the many times that he was so picky about his schedule.
Years later he wrote and told me he “did some things he shouldn’t have” but wouldn’t even really cop to it.
Anyway, I’m better off now! Freed me up to meet other people and live my life and now I have a super cute husbo.
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8points
#5
I caught my boss cheating on his wife. We ran a really small screen printing operation and it all started with these "business trips". The first few times it was just a week or two, then over the span of a year the trips would become longer and longer and more frequent. I ran the business when he left. He wouldn't answer customer calls while he was there and never brought back any new clients, so i started to get suspicious.
One day he slipped up and sent an email to our work inbox that i used daily to correspond with customers. It was a receipt for a flight to new York for him and another woman... On his wedding anniversary... He never even called his wife that day. Now at this point I was not interested in outing him or meddling but I was the only one that talked to him daily. I loved his wife and when she came to me asking if I heard from him because he didnt call her on their 23rd wedding anniversary and didnt know where he was, i may have mentioned that he was in new york and maybe that was why he didn't call. She asked how I knew that and i told her there was an email in our work inbox.
I absolutely do feel guilty about being the one to lead her to finding out the truth but it ended up being what he wanted anyway. He didnt have bravery to tell her what was going on and wanted to get caught. They split and he now lives with the other woman. His ex wife is happier than she has ever been considering the wake of lies he left her to deal with.
One day he slipped up and sent an email to our work inbox that i used daily to correspond with customers. It was a receipt for a flight to new York for him and another woman... On his wedding anniversary... He never even called his wife that day. Now at this point I was not interested in outing him or meddling but I was the only one that talked to him daily. I loved his wife and when she came to me asking if I heard from him because he didnt call her on their 23rd wedding anniversary and didnt know where he was, i may have mentioned that he was in new york and maybe that was why he didn't call. She asked how I knew that and i told her there was an email in our work inbox.
I absolutely do feel guilty about being the one to lead her to finding out the truth but it ended up being what he wanted anyway. He didnt have bravery to tell her what was going on and wanted to get caught. They split and he now lives with the other woman. His ex wife is happier than she has ever been considering the wake of lies he left her to deal with.
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7points
#6
I'm late to the party and this will get lost but I thought I'd share. I'm currently in the process of a divorce.
My husband told me his mom took him to a psychiatrist when he was 13 and he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. When I first learned about this, it was almost comforting because I myself struggle with depression. I figured he would understand when I had a depressive episode (spoiler alert, he didn't).
Well, over time he became increasingly violent. He'd get mad and punch doors, walls, etc. eventually it was the dog, and then it was me. He'd always cry after, apologize and blame it on being schizophrenic.
I tried very hard to be understanding. I did know that mental illness could cause him to act in a way he normally wouldn't, but I just didn't understand why he wouldn't get help. He swore medication affected him negatively.
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and I left. Well, after I left, his mom called me to figure out what had happened. She told me she was always worried he would be violent towards me (no idea why she didn't warn me) and then she told me he has never even seen a psychiatrist. He was not mentally ill.
Ahhhhh. That's why he never would get try and get help again. I was trying to help him treat something that didn't exist.
He always swore he had a benign tumor on his liver. He would never see a doctor. I'd bet my left tit he was lying about that too.
My husband told me his mom took him to a psychiatrist when he was 13 and he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. When I first learned about this, it was almost comforting because I myself struggle with depression. I figured he would understand when I had a depressive episode (spoiler alert, he didn't).
Well, over time he became increasingly violent. He'd get mad and punch doors, walls, etc. eventually it was the dog, and then it was me. He'd always cry after, apologize and blame it on being schizophrenic.
I tried very hard to be understanding. I did know that mental illness could cause him to act in a way he normally wouldn't, but I just didn't understand why he wouldn't get help. He swore medication affected him negatively.
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and I left. Well, after I left, his mom called me to figure out what had happened. She told me she was always worried he would be violent towards me (no idea why she didn't warn me) and then she told me he has never even seen a psychiatrist. He was not mentally ill.
Ahhhhh. That's why he never would get try and get help again. I was trying to help him treat something that didn't exist.
He always swore he had a benign tumor on his liver. He would never see a doctor. I'd bet my left tit he was lying about that too.
7points
Research reveals that various factors can lead to infidelity, affecting over 40% of married couples. However, a study of 495 individuals identified eight main reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, desire, and circumstance.
The research also explains that relationship frustration is a common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems, to no avail. It adds that they may have had second thoughts about getting married or been jealous of the attention given to a new baby, and neither partner had the skill set to communicate these feelings.
#7
I dated this guy who was taking care of his terminally ill aunt. He only had a home health aid for the week and had very little support during the weekend so dating was hard. We would talk all hours of the day. Text and phone call. We used to go for walks at the park by his house and one time I asked to use his bathroom and he acted really weird. Saying I would disturb his aunt. But the aunt that had her own room and slept all the time. He would talk about getting married and having kids but something wasn’t right. It wasn’t until he got into a car accident that I started to ask questions. His story did not add up. He said he lost his license due to insurance going up too much after the accident but the accident wasn’t his fault. Long story short I dropped him off one day after a date and after we said good bye I get a call from a random number. I answer it and it’s his wife. She found out about me because she looked at their phone records and saw my number. He never was in an accident. He is an alcoholic and had a DUI and apparently he has been in two relationships with people and told both of them he had a sick aunt. OMG. I was the idiot.
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7points
#8
Moved back to Nothing Dakota with my fiance. We were together for 5 years. He was an actor by trade and it was a lot harder to piece things together/notice them when he's trained to lie. Started noticing he'd make phone calls late in the evening when I'd go to bed, then tell me he was talking to "a friend." One I'd never heard of or met before. He'd chat on Facebook then quickly go to another screen when I walked by. Was generally more distant and less talkative. Turns out he'd been in another relationship with a guy 5 states away. They'd never met in person but would send dirty pics to each other and said they were in love. After I found out I confronted him. He continued to lie to my face up until I showed him proof, then he confessed everything right away. I broke up with him on the spot.
7points
#9
Friend's story about his WWII-generation grandfather.
Grandpa took off and left his wife and their nine kids in BC. Ended up in Alaska where he lied about his name, remarried and somehow ended up in charge of security at a local airport.
Then later one of his step-kids from his new marriage moved to BC and unknowingly got engaged to one of the kids from his step-dad's first marriage.
There were fireworks at the wedding.
Grandpa took off and left his wife and their nine kids in BC. Ended up in Alaska where he lied about his name, remarried and somehow ended up in charge of security at a local airport.
Then later one of his step-kids from his new marriage moved to BC and unknowingly got engaged to one of the kids from his step-dad's first marriage.
There were fireworks at the wedding.
7points
It further discusses the partner’s past. Perhaps they have childhood baggage (neglect, mistreatment, or a parent who cheated) that interferes with their ability to maintain a committed relationship.
It also notes that less often, the cheater doesn’t value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn’t care about the consequences. Well, no matter the reason, a couples therapist explains that it should never be confused with an excuse.
#10
Not me but my Mum and Dad.
So basically when I was just born my Mum and Dad where going through a rough time, I was their first kid so new parents still getting used to each other and their new baby.
I’m from Scotland and we have this thing called the West Highland Way, which is like this big long like hill walk thing that you do, and basically my Dad said he was going to do that.
It happens over the course of 5 days, my Dad was supposed to check in on like the second day and he didn’t. Now we live in the city and the west highland way is in the countryside as you would assume, plus this is 1999 so it’s really hard to get into contact with him of course. My mum is freaking out, my granny is freaking out and of course the thought going through everyone’s head is that he’s lying unalive in a ditch.
My mum ends up contacting all of my Dads friends in hopes of someone knowing something. One of them finally lets her know what’s going on.
My Dad has flown to Holland to visit his girlfriend who he’s been seeing for about 6 months, they met the first time he went to Holland like 6 months ago and she had visited him and he had visited her. My dad thought he would take the West Highland Way as an opportunity to see her properly for a longer period of time.
Safe to say my mum ended up breaking up with him and we actually almost ended up moving to America, but in the end they got back together and are still together now.
It’s just crazy to think what happened and what could have been.
So basically when I was just born my Mum and Dad where going through a rough time, I was their first kid so new parents still getting used to each other and their new baby.
I’m from Scotland and we have this thing called the West Highland Way, which is like this big long like hill walk thing that you do, and basically my Dad said he was going to do that.
It happens over the course of 5 days, my Dad was supposed to check in on like the second day and he didn’t. Now we live in the city and the west highland way is in the countryside as you would assume, plus this is 1999 so it’s really hard to get into contact with him of course. My mum is freaking out, my granny is freaking out and of course the thought going through everyone’s head is that he’s lying unalive in a ditch.
My mum ends up contacting all of my Dads friends in hopes of someone knowing something. One of them finally lets her know what’s going on.
My Dad has flown to Holland to visit his girlfriend who he’s been seeing for about 6 months, they met the first time he went to Holland like 6 months ago and she had visited him and he had visited her. My dad thought he would take the West Highland Way as an opportunity to see her properly for a longer period of time.
Safe to say my mum ended up breaking up with him and we actually almost ended up moving to America, but in the end they got back together and are still together now.
It’s just crazy to think what happened and what could have been.
7points
#11
Retired lawyer here. I once represented a widow who was seeking survivor's benefits from her husband's military pension. Turns out, the old goat was a trigamist who somehow managed to juggle three families without any of them learning about the other two — although there were enough unexplained absences and such that none of the three were terribly surprised
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7points
#12
Not me, but a family I used to work for and have known for a few years. Dad always worked overseas, often only coming home at Christmas. Even then he would only stay for a few nights and would be quite quiet and keep to himself. I’d worked for this family for some time and only met the Dad 3ish times. Mum put it down on the Dad needing to provide as she looked after one of their sons with learning disabilities and worked part-time.
Apparently the guy had another whole family going in a different country, wife, few kids. I was shocked to find out but not completely surprised.
Apparently the guy had another whole family going in a different country, wife, few kids. I was shocked to find out but not completely surprised.
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6points
While the reasons for cheating might be many, experts point out certain signs that reveal that someone is leading a double life. Odd behavior before leaving your presence is the first one they mention.
Not everyone who leads a double life has a psychological switch, but you might still notice odd behavior. When they suddenly behave differently, there could be a bigger reason. Also, when people hide their cellphone use or refuse to discuss it, experts believe that’s a red flag.
#13
Ex was saying to me I should spend more time with my friends and playing video games as I don't get to do this enough. In reality she was wanting me out of the flat more (we shared with one other person) as she was sleeping with the upstairs neighbour and didn't have the heart to break up with me.
I found out when my gaming night got cancelled one night after uni and I walked in on both of them in bed together.
Should have connected the dots when my other neighbours were making comments about him going out a lot in the evenings and when she went from wanting to spending lots of time with me to wanting me to spend time with other friends.
I hate that jerk, but I am happy now.
I found out when my gaming night got cancelled one night after uni and I walked in on both of them in bed together.
Should have connected the dots when my other neighbours were making comments about him going out a lot in the evenings and when she went from wanting to spending lots of time with me to wanting me to spend time with other friends.
I hate that jerk, but I am happy now.
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6points
#14
Sigh. I learned he had gotten married while we were long distance dating. That was about one year in, and I didn't learn until 3.5 years in. In retrospect he always accused me of flirting with others/cheating on him so that should have been a sign since he was projecting his guilt onto me. Just glad I found out before we had kids or something.
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6points
#15
My college boyfriend had dropped out of college and I didn’t find out until a year later. We both went to different colleges (we met in high school) and every time I would ask about classes, he’d give me vague answers then change the subject. I was absolutely oblivious to it.
It wasn’t until someone from our friend group tried sending him an email from his college email only to find it was deactivated. He made her promise not to tell anyone. I do remember once I called him, asking him to pick me up from school thinking he had a morning class. When he picked me up, he was in pajamas. I asked, “You went to school like that?” He blurted out, “YEA I KNOW! I’M DISGUSTING!” He said that in kind of a jokey way so I didn’t think much of it.
It all came to a head when we broke up and he confessed he had kept something from me. Keep in mind, he wasn’t even working at the time. All he did was sit at home and wait for me to be done with classes so he could pick me up and we could hang out. His parents didn’t know either. They thought he was going to classes when really, he was hanging out with me. He did have a habit of gaslighting me but that’s another story.
He did end up going back to school and finishing but I lost track over the years. It’s been about 14 years since we last spoke but from what I do know, he ended up marrying that friend that found out he dropped out (she was my best friend in high school....long story) and she just had her second baby with him.
TL;DR: Ex boyfriend dropped out of college and hid it from everyone.
It wasn’t until someone from our friend group tried sending him an email from his college email only to find it was deactivated. He made her promise not to tell anyone. I do remember once I called him, asking him to pick me up from school thinking he had a morning class. When he picked me up, he was in pajamas. I asked, “You went to school like that?” He blurted out, “YEA I KNOW! I’M DISGUSTING!” He said that in kind of a jokey way so I didn’t think much of it.
It all came to a head when we broke up and he confessed he had kept something from me. Keep in mind, he wasn’t even working at the time. All he did was sit at home and wait for me to be done with classes so he could pick me up and we could hang out. His parents didn’t know either. They thought he was going to classes when really, he was hanging out with me. He did have a habit of gaslighting me but that’s another story.
He did end up going back to school and finishing but I lost track over the years. It’s been about 14 years since we last spoke but from what I do know, he ended up marrying that friend that found out he dropped out (she was my best friend in high school....long story) and she just had her second baby with him.
TL;DR: Ex boyfriend dropped out of college and hid it from everyone.
6points
Experts say lovebombing is another sign someone may be leading a double life. When endless flattery and compliments don’t feel right, there’s usually a reason. The last one they speak about is stress and depressive or dependent behaviors. If someone without narcissistic tendencies is engaging in a double life, the stress and guilt will add up, they note.
They also advise, “Keep an eye out for how someone behaves in certain situations. If they’re consistently drinking too much, or seem particularly anxious or depressed around a specific time of day, it could be a sign that they have something to hide.”
#16
My parents were friends with a younger couple; they never got out to do much because the husband worked in nautical repairs/engineering for the Coast Guard. They had one car, lived out in the middle of nowhere, and the wife was stranded because he took the car up and down the coast repairing vehicles. The flip: The dude actually made incredible money; it was just spread thin between his two families. He has a second family with kids. It was wild. I was 14 when this happened and didn't know this was something humans could do.
6points
#17
In the mid 2000s/2010s, I worked for a major bank. I was shocked at how many men had second families, that we usually discovered when one of the poor, unsuspecting wives would call us after coming across banking paperwork that didn't match any of their family's accounts but was in her husband's name. She would be confused, call the bank wanting to know what was going on; I'd be able to see exactly what was going on, straight away, but wouldn't be able to say anything to the wife because her name wasn't on the account, etc., so I'd just have to assure her it was a legitimate account and gently advise her that she might like to discuss this account with her husband. Oof!
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6points
#18
I dated a guy in University who told me pretty much right away that he had terminal cancer and had about a year to live. I really liked him so I decided that I would stay with him and support him through it. He never wanted to talk about it and when I'd try to check in with him he'd go quiet and change the subject. He told me that I was the only person who knew about it and that I wasn't allowed to talk about it with anyone else. Well we ended up dating for three years, and I never once witnessed a doctor's appointment or any type of symptom (and I was still the only person who apparently "knew"). He became incredibly emotionally manipulative and toxic, tried to isolate me from friends and family, and eventually became physically violent. Of course, whenever I would try to leave he'd use his "condition" to play on my emotions (and naivete) to get me to stay. He'd also physically block the door, pin me down, and do whatever he could to prevent me from physically leaving.
I'll never forget the day I told him that he was such a good person with a good heart (something to do with how he was handling an issue with his alcoholic mother), and he mumbled "No, I'm really not". I thought then that he was being humble, but looking back on it, it was probably guilt.
I've built a happy and successful life for myself now and have a wonderfully loving and supportive partner, but it still makes me full body cringe to think of how I spent so much time with what I consider to be pure evil.
I'll never forget the day I told him that he was such a good person with a good heart (something to do with how he was handling an issue with his alcoholic mother), and he mumbled "No, I'm really not". I thought then that he was being humble, but looking back on it, it was probably guilt.
I've built a happy and successful life for myself now and have a wonderfully loving and supportive partner, but it still makes me full body cringe to think of how I spent so much time with what I consider to be pure evil.
5points
While there are many reasons why people lead double lives, their infidelity can have devastating impacts on their partners. They might even feel like they are grieving because the pain is so intense.
They can also struggle with long-lasting issues such as anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting others. As these signs are similar to PTSD, mental health professionals have coined the term post-infidelity stress disorder.
#19
Anxiety issues, acting out, overgeneralizing, filtering.
I started getting put down often, blamed for everything, even things not connected to me. Everything I did was "wrong" and the more I tried to fix things the more fights she would start. She could never accept that she was wrong in anything and was unable to have a conversation about it without acting out. "Anyone who thinks that way is a degenerate" was one of my favorites when discussing a simple choice in game we were playing. This I found out was her way of pushing me away to justify the affair, it was emotional at this point and then become physical. Intimacy dropped off, stopped letting me hug her, stopped kissing back then she stopped saying I love you back.
I had been trying to save my marriage when she was trying to justify an affair and this was the real conflict we had.
If you hear "we're just friends", start paying attention.
I recommend a book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass for any couples and "The 5 Love Languages" as well.
I started getting put down often, blamed for everything, even things not connected to me. Everything I did was "wrong" and the more I tried to fix things the more fights she would start. She could never accept that she was wrong in anything and was unable to have a conversation about it without acting out. "Anyone who thinks that way is a degenerate" was one of my favorites when discussing a simple choice in game we were playing. This I found out was her way of pushing me away to justify the affair, it was emotional at this point and then become physical. Intimacy dropped off, stopped letting me hug her, stopped kissing back then she stopped saying I love you back.
I had been trying to save my marriage when she was trying to justify an affair and this was the real conflict we had.
If you hear "we're just friends", start paying attention.
I recommend a book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass for any couples and "The 5 Love Languages" as well.
5points
#20
I don’t want to go into too much detail but I should’ve paid more attention when my partner at the time would never let me near her phone. She would do anything to lure me away from it.
Turns out she had explicit messages to other dudes, I don’t know if she ever did anything physical but I felt the same amount of betrayal. This was in a long committed relationship of 2+ years.
Turns out she had explicit messages to other dudes, I don’t know if she ever did anything physical but I felt the same amount of betrayal. This was in a long committed relationship of 2+ years.
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5points