Why is it that the people we love the most are also the people who seem to cause us the most pain? In healthy relationships, our romantic partners, best friends and family members can make us feel safer and warmer than anyone else on Earth. But unfortunately, our loved ones are also capable of exhibiting toxic behaviors that can be detrimental to our wellbeing.
Reddit users have recently been calling out common actions and traits that many people don’t realize can be abusive, so we’ve gathered some of their thoughts below. We hope you can’t relate to experiencing these behaviors, pandas, but if you can, know that you’re not alone. And be sure to upvote the replies that you think everyone needs to hear.
#1
Reactive abuse. Basically, abusers will poke and prod their victim so much until their victim has an explosive reaction. The abuser will then use this reaction as justification for their abuse or to further manipulate and gaslight the victim.
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246points
#2
Yelling. Years of walking on eggshells will damage a person's nervous system.
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168points
#3
When you ask them to not joke about X, and they say something like, “Well, I guess I won’t speak at all anymore.”
They’re making it so difficult to set a boundary that you’ll want to give up.
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162points
#5
Telling a child how they should feel.
“You should be grateful.”
“You should be happy.”
“You should be sorry.”
It shows the child just how little the parent actually cares about their feelings. The child is just a doll to them that they think they can control.
I remember my cat’s leg and tail was broken and my dad told me “You should be happy because I didn’t shoot her.” I will never forgive him for that
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137points
#6
Invalidating your feelings by making it about them and how you holding them accountable is upsetting them.
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134points
#7
Mothers who treat their sons like surrogate boyfriends/husbands. If their sons DARE to have a girlfriend or get married, these women act like they're being cheated on.
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132points
#8
trying to "test" people's food allergies because they don't believe them or trying to sneak a food someone doesn't like into a dish to prove them wrong.
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132points
#12
Parentification. I recently learned in therapy that it wasn’t normal that I was cooking & changing my siblings diapers when I was 8.
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115points
#13
Using personal things someone has told you against them when you are angry. My husband does this and tries to pretend he’s being “constructive”, rather than just cruel. And I’m working on getting my s**t together to get the f**k out because I’m tired of being painted as the bad guy when I get upset.
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113points
#14
Keeping you isolated. My ex tried convincing me that my parents and friends didn’t love me.
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113points
#15
Breaking things while angry with their partner/kid (punching a hole in the wall for example)
They may not be hitting you, but they want to.
113points
#16
Taking away someones personal belongings, or selling them without permission. My mom would go through my room and trash or sell everything while I was at school. She's sold or thrown away my deceased dad's stuff, toys, clothes, pets, etc... and act like I shouldn't be upset. My sister does this as well.
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106points
#17
Sibling rivalry that goes unchecked by parents.
Man, I can't believe how common/ignored sibling abuse is. Neglectful parents plus unruly children is a recipe for disaster.
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104points
#18
Not letting people express negative emotions because it's 'negativity.'
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101points
#19
Toxic spirituality. I think a lot of mental health problems hide behind spirituality.
Like, maybe that person isn't your soul mate/twin flame, you just need to deal with some Internal issues buddy.
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91points
#20
Constantly reminding someone of their shortcomings/ past mistakes
89points