74 Long Jokes That Earn Their Laughs

A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them. Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table. When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, "Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your noodles."

In my neighborhood, there was a couple who had given their twin sons very weird names. One was named Trouble, while the other boy's name was Mind Your Own Business. So, one day they were playing hide and seek. Mind Your Business counted to a hundred and then started looking for his brother. But, somehow he couldn't find him anywhere. He saw a police car passing the neighborhood, so he stopped it to ask for help. When the police officer asked him for his name, he replied, "Mind Your Own Business!" Feeling insulted, the police officer still asked politely who he was looking for. Mind Your Own Business replied, "I am looking for Trouble!"

A bear walks into a bar... The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired. He eventually makes his way over to the bear.
The bear immediately tells him, "You look exhausted."
"Yeah, it's been a rough day," says the bartender, "What are you drinking?"
"I'll have a glass of...", says the bear. He waits a painfully long moment before finishing, "...scotch."
"Why the long face?", asks the bartender.
"Don't you mean big pause?", asks the bear.
"Yeah, sorry. Like I said, it's been a rough day."

A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow. After an hour he loses his patience and yells, "Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and I will get rid of him!"
30 minutes later he's back in line at the ATM.
"Why are you here again?", asks another waiter.
"The line in front of the Kremlin is twice as long as this one..."

Once during an adventure, a farmer named Bryan Clay stumbled into a cave and found a magic lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a Genie appeared and asked him what his wish was. The farmer told him that he wished he were very rich. The Genie said okay and asked him, "Alright Mr. Very Rich Clay, what is your second wish?"

A food critic visits a local restaurant to review its food for the town magazine. The owner welcomes him and shows him to the table. The food is presented to him and after a while, the critic calls the owner to say that there is something missing in his bowl of soup. The owner asks whether it is too spicy or sweet or salty. When the food critic says no, the owner decides to taste the soup himself but he can't find the spoon. "Yeah," says the critic, "that's what is missing."

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

I went to this haunted house for exploration. It was near the forest so the local guide warned me that I might find some animals there. Sure enough, there was a panda. When I offered it some food, I was taken aback because it suddenly started talking. Turned out that it was a ghost panda and it only ate bam-booooo!

So, the wife and I were in town shopping... And as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me... In fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.

The historians had gathered for a party in Cairo after they had discovered a new mummy. The discovered mummy, on display at the party hall, suddenly woke up. Seeing the historians alarmed, the mummy said that he just wanted to listen to some music. The mummy said, "Please don't play jazz because my trom-bones are in a very bad shape. Could someone please put on some wrap music?"

My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. We didn't really give it much thought until my brother really started eating his homework for dinner. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, "I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me."

I was once passing through a town in England when this lady stopped me because she needed help fixing her car that had broken down. As I was fixing the car, the lady would cross the road and shout "Hello" at me. This happened a few times as the lady found it really amusing. I would have thought that it was very weird had I not realized that it was the singer Adele.

There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones.

Once, a mosquito walked into a clinic. The doctor saw him and asked him what the matter was. The mosquito said that he had a lot of problems. He was not happy with his life, he was not happy with the job he was doing. He was sad and had no motivation. The doctor listened to his problems and told him that he should really visit a therapist instead of a doctor. The mosquito replied, "Yeah, I know. I just came in because of the blood."