Most kids grow up thinking their parents know what’s best. They see their family’s habits as normal and might not realize that other families can be very different. It can take years before they look back and see their childhood differently.
Having narcissistic parents can make this even harder. Daily life might include constant criticism, unfair expectations, and little support, so it’s tough to know what a healthy family really looks like.
On Reddit, people are sharing the moments that made them question their upbringing, the signs they noticed years later, and the experiences that finally helped them understand their parents’ behavior. Their stories offer a glimpse into what growing up in these households can really feel like.
#61
At a funeral when they stsrted to bad mouth the deceased family member.
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4points
#62
When I was a preteen. He suddenly became overly religious and would criticize the whole family. He told us we’re all bound for hell because of things he saw in his dreams. I wasn’t a saint but at this age I was literally a Sunday school teacher and a goody 2 shoes. All my students parents wanted their kids to be like me. Like what more could you want as a Christian? He told us he knew he was already getting into heaven because his name was already written in the book of life. And if he became a pastor he’d have hundreds of followers because he was that good. Mind you he can barely read and only watches videos on YouTube for his knowledge.
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4points
#63
I realised when I began to really hate myself deeply for making mistakes. M and D are narcissists so I would always be the scapegoat for everything and would be belittled at every turn. Went into therapy for my extreme anxiety and it turned out the root of it was my desperation to please my parents mixed with the fear of facing their anger/disapproval. It’s been two weeks and I’ve been having really big anxiety attacks when I face them, crying spells etc. I think I just broke when it finally got to me that I wasn’t making any of it up. Wouldn’t change my view of reality now for the world though as It’s making me more aware as ever.
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#64
I think I started to suspect it in my mid to late 20s. My therapist "confirmed" my suspicion when I was around 30. I'm 33 now and still with this therapist. It was so "good" to hear that what I had to go through was anything but normal and that my mental health was so bad because of it. I'm still working on it. 🙏.
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#65
I figured out something was up with my family as a young child. It was a couple years ago (I’m 23 now) where I really figured something was up and came across narcissistic families and the dynamics. Realized that that was my life. It took a lot to leave however it’s been the best thing that I’ve ever done. At first I was doing really good and I’ve kinda plateaued and I’m a bit depressed right now. It’s been almost a year since I left so I’m guessing that it’s that hitting. It’s a lot of mental work however I’ve been improving slowly and slowly becoming myself again.
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#66
I was in my 30's and my mom and step dad were always calling other people narcissistic. I had no idea what that meant so I looked it up. Low and behold there was a picture of mom and step dad. Description fit them to a tee. I have been reducing my time with them since it always ended in a fight anyway and every few years they blow up on me because "it seems like you're kicking us to the curb. What did we do to you?!".
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4points
#67
Googled "black sheep of the family".
Answers online and a perfect explanation of a family dynamic right down to the ironically often forgotten and barely mentioned lost/invisible child (which in my family would have been my sister). The description of it made the whole world make sense.
Answers online and a perfect explanation of a family dynamic right down to the ironically often forgotten and barely mentioned lost/invisible child (which in my family would have been my sister). The description of it made the whole world make sense.
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4points
#68
At 12 it was obvious . I just knew I did not want to marry anyone like my dad and I vowed to not be like that .
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4points
#69
Realized they were different to other parents in college.
Clocked the first as a narcissist in my early 20s.
Realized the next was a narcissist at 37, swiftly followed by the third.
And finally, in my early 40s, understood how the fourth parent was their own kind of narcissist -off the heels of the staggering discovery of my ex spouse’s second life (also a narcissist).
I have multiple step-parents, and unhealed people repeat patterns. I’m done with healing myself, but I’m so proud of how far I’ve gotten.
Clocked the first as a narcissist in my early 20s.
Realized the next was a narcissist at 37, swiftly followed by the third.
And finally, in my early 40s, understood how the fourth parent was their own kind of narcissist -off the heels of the staggering discovery of my ex spouse’s second life (also a narcissist).
I have multiple step-parents, and unhealed people repeat patterns. I’m done with healing myself, but I’m so proud of how far I’ve gotten.
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3points
#70
I knew something was off when I was a toddler. Didn't really realize my mom was a nmom until I cared for her when she had cancer before her passing away. I had a break down. Finally heard "I was a good parent!" one too many times. The scapegoat (me) got stuck taking care of her. Which she hated. She wanted her golden child to be with her instead.
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3points
#71
I was 11 when I started suspecting --- 13 when it was confirmed. My dad also woke up to what he was defending all those years and was like "how could I be so stupid!".
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3points
#72
When someone replied to my comment on r/JustNoMIL with a link to this sub. Until then, I wasn't able to put a name on that thing. I didn't even realize it was toxic until I read about it here. I just thought there was something wrong with *me*.
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3points
#73
Never shared anything I enjoyed or requested to do/go anywhere because even if they did the “right thing” and “indulged” my interests, I would get belittled and told how much they don’t like it but “good for you”. Just took the wind out of my sails entirely.
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3points
#74
My default is that I am innately wrong, so therefore everything I do "right" is just a fluke and I shouldn't get praise for doing well. Also, the physiological feeling of "happiness" that many of my peers describe is more of a "neutral" or "safe" feeling for me. I wish I could have a life goal of wanting to be happy, but I'd settle for safety and comfort.
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3points
#75
Fearful avoidant attachment style. Borderline personality disorder, covert narcissism , chronic depression and anxiety, eating disorders, sleep deprivation, trust issues, the list goes on.
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3points
#76
Every time I went to a friend's house and interacted with their parents.
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3points
#77
35…
The craziest thing is how neglect can look like nothing but means everything at the same time.
The craziest thing is how neglect can look like nothing but means everything at the same time.
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3points
#78
Honestly, as soon as I turned 18 and I immediately moved out. Even before that I knew something was wrong with her and I couldn’t put my finger on it because I always felt guilty because everybody said, but she’s your mother. She wants the best ….. when she clearly didn’t want my best. So yeah 18 years old realized what she had done to me and moved out. I might’ve labeled it as narcissistic or histrionic a few years after that, but I definitely made my informed decision when I was 18.
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3points
#79
When I had my first child at 21. I started comparing how I treat my child vs how I was treated when I was kid and that's when I felt like something's wrong with my upbringing.
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3points
#80
When I kept meeting the same dynamic in other relationships. I didn’t understand why I craved something that wasent healthy for me so I started diving into why i unwillingly end up in the same circle again and again.
My respon is no contact. It’s been more successful in romantic relationships but going no contact with my family was tough. I believe it’s the right thing to do and I’m convinced that I will thank myself later.
My respon is no contact. It’s been more successful in romantic relationships but going no contact with my family was tough. I believe it’s the right thing to do and I’m convinced that I will thank myself later.
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3points
