Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last

Journals. My partner writes in one every night before bed and I have no idea what any of it says. If she wants to share with me she can. Those are her private thoughts and feelings until she decides differently. Same goes for me.

My steady supply of jokes.

I set up my android to send me a joke every night at 5 pm and I tell it to my husband later on, before I jump in the shower.

He always asks where I'm getting this stuff from and I just laugh and shut the bathroom door.

I would like him to continue thinking of me as this endless joke fairy for the rest of our lives.

My wife is sensitive about animals, so anytime I see/read some sort of tragedy related to an animal, I hide it from her.

Even though my wife and I have been happily married for 6 years, we decided we would never go for a s**t while the other is in the shower. We're just not going there.

Bearttousai37 said:
My ex-wife used to interrogate me after every therapy session I had.

Dr_A_Mephesto replied:
Wow I’m so sorry. Therapy is a very personal and private thing. My wife and I are both in therapy and after we just ask “good session?” It opens the door to talk about stuff IF you want to but creates no pressure. 95% of the time we just go “yep” or “not really” and that’s the end of it.

Glad you are taking steps to be mentally healthy. Keep going, you got this!

So my short answer is nothing.

The longer answer is that they should be prepared for the answer and be adult enough to be able to handle it.

When my (now) wife and I were still dating, but we both knew it was serious, I let her know that anything she wanted to know I would tell her. I also said that she needed to be absolutely 100% sure that she really wanted to know that answer because I wouldn't lie to her. We've been together over 2 decades and there were a couple times when she asked something, usually when alcohol was involved, where I thought it a bad idea to answer but just said "Are you sure you want the answer"? Each of those times, maybe 3 of them, she reconsidered and said "no".

Now there are time I steer answers away from the asked question but that's not for privacy, just to make sure feelings aren't hurt. We've been together for a very long time and there has been weight gain (for both of us) and typical trope where she looks at me and says "I'm fat" or "I'm old". I look at her and say "You're beautiful". I'm not lying. She is beautiful in my eyes. I'm just steering away from that conversation which would hurt her feelings. The answer of "I love you", "You're beautiful", "I love your body" or "we're old and have had a great lifetime together" are all truths and they go far, and should be said to your partner.

The unkind s**t you think when you're angry and tired, it will absolutely never help at all to say any of it out loud and even if you don't have a particularly big fight or break up over it you'll still regret it and they'll still remember. Possibly also what you think about how hot other people are, depending on how jealous/insecure your SO is.

Where I hide the secret, spare pair of scissors I keep for when he's lost all the other 11 pairs of scissors we own and I need to trim a chip bag down to make getting to the chips easier.

I do 12 step stuff, and I won’t tell her what I hear in the rooms.

solblurgh said:
My midnight snack stash. I don't have any, but I think I should have some.

Clayman8 replied:
> "I don't have any."
Sounds like something someone with a snack stash would say. Speak up you candy-hoarding raccoon.

wise_comment replied:
> "Speak up you candy-hoarding raccoon."
Sometimes I was afraid our generation's Shakespeare would get buried in the noise. Glad to see I was wrong

Other people's secrets. They’re not yours to share.

What I mean by this, is agreeing to keep something confidential and then going against it.

No matter how healthy a relationship is, there'll always come a time where you have resentful thoughts of your spouse. Those should be kept to yourself, as most of them pass quickly. The only time you should share them is if they're persisting in some behavior that is hurting you, and then it should be done calmly and not in the heat of the moment. For instance, if you got home from work tired to find your spouse binge watching a TV show, but the sink is full of dirty dishes, the impulse may be to lace into them. Don't. Go ahead and do the dishes, and tomorrow, when that initial flash of anger has passed, discuss the issue.

People say arguments can be healthy in a relationship, but it all comes down to *how* you argue. Spouses, at least if they're good ones, know intimate details about you, your past, and how you think and feel. This gives them weapons to hurt you, and it may be tempting to use such weapons when angry. But if you know your spouse has a sore spot about their dad, and you say in anger "this is why your dad never loved you", you have permanently damaged your relationship. And that damage builds up over time. Successful relationships survive because people rein themselves in in that moment. Even when they're angry, they don't want to inflict wounds like that. So whenever the impulse arises to use those weapons in anger, resist the temptation! You may forget what you did quickly, but they won't.

It's not that it should be kept private, as in forcefully, but I believe both persons in a relationship should have privacy in their devices.

My SO has all my logins, and passcodes for my phone and tablet, but this doesn't give her the right to go snooping for stuff that will never be there. She can totally grab my phone, if it's nearest, to search on google, or grab someone's phone number. But we've agreed that if either of us snoop, you better be sure that there's going to be something to find, because if there isn't, then you deserve the trouble that you've caused.

Things that you don't like about their body. They just don't need to know.

If you are concerned about their *health or hygiene* that warrants a conversation but making comments about physical flaws—completely unnecessary.

The location of your ships while playing Battleship.

Which of your friends or family don’t like them.

It will do nothing but upset them, and worse create a bigger problem between them.

I would also like to add to that if one of your friends or family members don’t like your s/o and you aren’t at the very least making them be polite and respectful when they have to be around each other you are the main problem in that scenario.

Your reddit username and password.

Things you aren't ready to talk about yet. I have a lot of trauma and I'm not always ready to talk or explain. However, I'm lucky my partner respects that and has let me open up at my own pace.

I don't like the idea of sharing absolutely everything with one's partner like it's a proof of healthiness. I think it's healthy to maintain some sort of individuality, personal mental space, your secret garden that only you can access. You are not only a couple, you don't only exist through your partner, you also are an individual human being with your own inner world that you don't have to share entirely with someone else, and no one can take that away from you. I feel like if you completely merge with someone else you lose yourself.

I don't think that's avoidant attachment style, I'm clearly not. I just think it's normal if my SO has things she doesn't want to talk about with me, won't share every single thing. She's not me, and as much as I like to say she's mine, she's not really "mine" either.

mostpeopleheresuck12 said:
That you know you’re the Pet’s favorite person.

abrokenelevator replied:
Oof, I am absolutely both of our dogs favorite person. We both know it but I would never ever say that to my wife.

Minito200YT replied:
No one deserves to be told such a thing.

MissVelveteen replied:
Not only not say it but I also had to deny it on a regular basis despite it being abundantly obvious to literally everyone.