“Why Aren’t Girls Into Me?”: 50 Real Reasons These Incels Are ‘Forever Alone,’ According To Their Friends

My stepson is totally an incel. He doesn’t take pride in his appearance or wash his clothes and he wonders why he’s alone. His dad has tried discussing this with him but he just blames everyone else for his lack of ladies. Like once he blamed liberals as a whole. Lol.

My cousin doesn't understand that women like to take care of themselves, or I guess a lot of them do.

He has only had one girlfriend and she was his first everything. She broke up with him and he hasn't been with anyone since.

Her biggest complaint was that he was consistently needy and showering her with attention all the time. For example, he'd always want to hold hands and feed her and never let her do it herself.

Now he complains that he's too "dark" and fat for any girl to love him (he's in his 30s).

Also super elitist about his interest (horror films) and will say you're an idiot for saying x film wasn't as good (in your opinion) as he thought it was. God, he is so exhausting sometimes.

One is a straight-up creep. He openly talks about how much he's into lolicon. He wants a girl that looks like she's 12 and also likes all of the neckbeardy hobby stuff that he's into like wargaming and Touhou. He had a girl interested in him once before that he wrote off because she was "too fat" (she was barely chubby) and wants a 10/10 while he himself looks like Gollum.

One is an insufferable sad sack. He constantly self-deprecates with "forever alone" type stuff, b*****s and moans about being a nice guy, gave himself a stupid nickname (Panda), and constantly uses it to refer to himself in the third person.

The last is attractive, funny, sociable, intelligent, and stable. He's tried fixups and online dating, but nothing really works out compatibility-wise. He'll make a great catch for the right lady, he just hasn't had much luck yet.

Bit of a different strain of incel. He's not opinionated or a sarcastic a*****e or a contrarian. He's the opposite.

He has no opinions, no personality, nothing. He's mild, flavorless, and bland. No passion, no drive. He's either the most boring guy in existence, or the most repressed guy in existence. Either way, that's not exactly going to bring in any girls.

Yeah, he's a nice guy, but that's literally it. No one can say he's a fun guy. No one can say he's an interesting guy. No one can say he's a generous or charitable. He's literally just *nice* and inoffensive.

And when the world is filled with nice and inoffensive guys who are *also* smart/funny/interesting...

I came into this thread looking for a couple interesting stories, wound up seeing a lot of red flags about myself... 26 YO, never been in a serious relationship, perpetually s****y personality, haven't made any real friends outside of work since I took a full time job.

Step one is realizing you have a problem... where do you start with fixing something like this? How do you change something as major about yourself as your personality?

There was one dude I met in college, we were partners for a lot of group projects and he'd do his fair share of work so things would go smoothly.
Stuck to him for a while and eventually became decent friends, one day he just opens up about how all women are just snarky b*****s who just sleep around with any f**kboy that owns a two-door. One time we had a group study and one girl mentions that she went out to party/club in the downtown area and had a lot of fun. Mid story he cuts her off and asks "So who did you f**k that night?" in this really disparaging way... girl just looks at him all disgusted and just went back and buried her face in her book. Worst part is it I almost felt like, in his head, he felt good about shutting her up and making her feel bad cause of whatever he thinks of her... I don't know, im still in shock.

Coming on way too awkwardly strong, insisting on hugging every girl he sees, non-stop facebook messages and phonecalls even to girls with boyfriends. If she's already dating someone, you're wasting your time dude. He's good looking, if he would stop the borderline-s****l-harassment he'd be dating someone by now.

He chases married women and semi celebrities or models. If you're only interested in people who are taken or don't even one you, you're not going to have good results. When we set him up with logical dates "she's not my type." She was actually good looking and the type that needed a "provider"for lack of better words. He has a good job and not an awful personality. Just cringe worthy methods.

I had a classmate who I did not know was an incel until he started posting his frustrated rants on Facebook about women.

I would never assume he was an incel because he's not ugly, is not overweight, has a nice personality and is able to keep a fun conversation whenever I spoke with him. It was nope town though when he started making posts on Facebook which were visible to all of his classmates that he friended including me, rambling about why he is single and it is entirely women's fault.

He would repeatedly post the same three things over and over again nearly every single day, in rotation:

Post A: "I'm a nice guy but women make me want to change that. Every woman I've ever known is always sticks herself on some a*****e and leaves people like me high and dry while they complain about how much of an a*****e their boyfriends are and yet never giving nice guys like me a chance."

Post B: "I can't believe how picky women are. Nearly all of them are boring, have no interesting hobbies, or even have anything intellectually poignant to say. If the only interesting idea you have comes from a Taylor Swift song then I don't want to date you. You're boring. I don't want to be the only brains in the relationship."

Post C: "Women say that men are sexist but women objectify men worse then men objectify women. Nearly every conversation I hear girls having in public are always asking two questions: "How big is his d**k?" or "How big is his wallet?" If I were to say out loud, "How big are her t**s?" or "How easy is it to f**k her?" in public I would be chastised by the community. If it is fair for them to chastise men for saying sexist remarks about women then I should be able to chastise women for objectifying men."

If I never knew about these posts I would have accidentally been better friends with him but these posts scared me a lot, and I'm a guy. I can't imagine what it'd be like to be a girl and suddenly find out he's been posting all these things. He's not been reported to the school as far as I know, but nearly every post has been a s**t show with his classmates telling him that he needs to chill the f**k out.

*"I choose to be a virgin."* Okay, Edwin. Sure. You're 31 y.o. and a chronic m***urbator. The problem is, my friend is the quintessential neckbeard weaboo. He considers himself an *intellectual* and anyone who doesn't share his beliefs is beneath him. He wants a petite, Japanese virgin. She's gotta be perfect. She has to have a slightly protruding canine tooth because it's *"kawaii."* He's already limited himself to a niche demographic of women, AND he has nothin' to offer except his 1996 Honda Civic DX with 203,000 miles.

So why am I friends with him? I feel bad for the guy. If he shaved his patchy beard, lose 100 lbs., work out regularly, and stop pushing his beliefs onto people, he might actually get a girl. Doesn't have to be a petite, Japanese virgin with a slightly crooked canine tooth...

Incel here. My *actual* problem is my personality. I'm ugly sure but I've seen guys as ugly as me with women somehow. I'm very boring and hold several controversial opinions on issues and some that p**s off both sides of two sided issues.


I'm selfish, self-centered, lazy, and am not capable of empathy.

My friend has extremely low self esteem and never just goes for it with a girl. he's 25 and still a virgin whos never had a girlfriend in his life but is actually reasonably good looking and would look even better if he lost 30lbs or so and hes a good guy too.
for some reason though he just can't talk with a girl 'properly' ie, flirt at the right times and basically just be yourself kinda thing. he does want a girlfriend badly too, heck hes even drunkenly cried about it to me on one occassion too but his problem is he just hasn't got the balls to even attempt to chat up girls even when hes had a wingman introduce him.

i think one day he'll get a girlfriend though, hes just gotta get out of his shell around women and be himself, go with the flow and simply be more relaxed.

He claims it's because he doesn't put in the effort and doesn't want to. And while part of that is true, he misses where the big problem is: how he talks. He's a mostly nice guy, maybe a bit weird, maybe a bit too heavily focused on getting laid, but mostly nice. However, he also has the tendency to call women who have had s*x with more than a couple of people "hos.* He also frequently whines about how the only woman he knows that are nerdy like him are lesbians, taken, or ugly. That, and the constant talking about every woman he sees that is even remotely attractive without a filter or volume control so that it's insanely obvious he's talking doesn't help either. Yet he thinks one of the biggest reasons is just that he simply doesn't want to put in the effort.

I'm a 25 year old virgin. It boils down largely to social anxiety and complete lack of social skills. I stutter when I speak, I have zero confidence, no friends. Isolated for years to the point where I don't know how to properly socialize, I can't communicate my thoughts clearly, extremely high inhibition. I am terrified of failure and judgement so I just never speak to anyone or socialize, never been to a party in my life. I don't think I'm better than other people, I hate myself.

Friend of mine is like this. 400lbs, zero girl experience, pushing 40, only interested in 21yo waitresses.

I think he just bought into this tv-show idea that if you are a "good person" you will be found and dated by a hot girl. Kind of the plot to every 80s movie when he grew up. Now it's been so long he'd have to change his whole worldview to do anything about it and that's too scary/painful, so he just sits and gets heavier and older without changing. It's heartbreaking for me and his other friends, but we can't help someone who won't help themselves.

It's weird. He's not quite an incel or a nice guy, but his method is very nice guy-ish. He'll latch onto women, who, 90% of the time, have a boyfriend, be their really close friend and then just never say how he feels. Then, after a long enough time passes, gets frustrated that his friendship hasn't persuaded the girl into a relationship with him, just cuts off contact and goes into another cycle of extremely passive-aggressive depression. He does this because "I don't want to be mean to them and cut them off forever, but I hope that by not being around, I hope they'll want me again and reconsider their choices". I haven't spoken to him personally since we graduated college, but if his his facebook rants are any indication, he hasn't changed much the last two years.

He was incel, and I think it was getting to a bad place (which he is thankfully out of, now).

He was overweight and didn't take care of himself at all, but still wanted a tiny hot girl with no body fat. You can't eat several pounds of salami and cheese every day and expect to be healthy, or even to smell particularly nice (curdled milk and meat sweats! Hot!).

He nearly ruined countless friendships because he "fell in love" with every single woman in our friend group at some point and was sad/jealous when they had SOs, and was angry if they became single and didn't immediately fall into his arms.

He had very narrow interests and was NOT at all open to other opinions, even though he'd always talk about how open-minded he was. If your opinion differed, he'd shut you down with his opinions or sulky silence (or both!).

He lied about his education level and work, and it was really easy to find out the truth, too. So it just came off as very pathetic.

There was no talking to him then. He would just say that he should be loved exactly as he was and should never have to change anything about himself, ever. You can't reason with someone who believes that.

Where does the Japanese obsession come from?

I moved to Japan over 10 years ago and I've heard about the weeaboos, but I don't think I've ever actually met one in real life. Not here or in other countries I've lived in like the UK or Australia.

Why Japan in particular rather than any other country? Why is it always anime?

Yes, you're nice, but you actually have to talk to a woman to get them to talk back, and maybe leave your house once in a while to meet someone new (or at least sign up for Tinder or something). They won't magically fall into your lap and chat you up if you don't put yourself out there as well.

He claims he hasn't always been incel, but for as long as I've known him he's never had a girlfriend or even a passing fling... and it's all because of his personality. Highly opinionated about pretty much everything. Ultra fanboy for certain films (has a vast collection of toys and other memorabilia; Dedicated an entire spare bedroom to the collection).

On the surface he's a nice guy but he goes from 0-60 fast with his terrible opinions.