93 Netizens Share The Funniest Things They’ve Ever Had The Luck To Witness

A man in a tuxedo and a woman in a wedding dress were in line in front of me at the grocery store. They were purchasing only two items, tampons and co***ms.

There are often scientific conferences and whatnot at my university, and the people attending will eat lunch at the cafeteria, and one day I was waiting in line behind a large black man, and he saw that there was fried chicken, and he yells to another back man, "OH S**T! Williams, dey got chicken! Dey got FRIIEED CHICKEN!!" I turned around and started walking away really fast because I didn't want him to see me cracking up.

I was at a restaurant that had two steps up from the lobby into the main dining area. This kid was waiting in the lobby and playing around. He pulled both of his arms inside his shirt, I guess to pretend he didn't have any arms? I don't know. Well, his groups table was ready. As he's following the hostess up the two steps he trips. You can see his arms flailing inside his shirt, but he can't get them out to brace his fall. The look of pure terror on his face as he crashed like a tree in the forrest- priceless!

There's been a lot of things. One time I was at the mall with my friend, and he had a bottle of water that he was carrying around. We're walking and he stumbles and drops the water, and it made the most comical noise pouring out that I couldn't stop laughing. As terrible as it was, he quickly picked up the bottle and kept walking pretending nothing had happened, despite my pants getting pretty soaked. So we go around the mall for about a 30 minutes or so and as we pass by the same section as he spilt the water, a little girl falls in the puddle, about 5 feet in front of us. It was like something out of a sitcom, and we couldn't stop laughing, despite feeling a little bad.

I was at a go-go bar (exotic dancers on tables) with my friends. My friend was quite drunk and it was one of the rougher go-gos in Pattaya, so he put some money on the table and asked the dancer if he stick an ice cube up her a*s, then she can try to get it out.

Well it did come out, with some residual s**t sprinkled on our table. There was a strange session of laughter and near vomiting too, but I've rarely laughed so much.

X-Zone walking street, Pattaya if anyones interested in seeing some weird stuff.

In India, grown a*s men walk holding pinkies..And I'm not talking about the gay ones .I have seen it. Funniest S**t ever !

In college I had this dopey friend who didn't quite get the subtext of anything, probably because he was from Pakistan. He was grabbing something out of his apartment, so we parked in a deck under his building. We told him that he MUST hurry and be back in 3 mins, even though we had like half an hour.

So he takes two steps outside the car, slips on some black ice, and slams his face against the car hood. He pops back up, and runs to his apartment. When he returned, he slipped on the exact same patch of black ice, slammed his face on the same part of the hood, popped back up and hopped in the car like nothing happened, letting us know that he had made it in 3 minutes. He refused to acknowledge that we had just seen him totally eat it twice in the same way.

It took 5 minutes for my other friend to start the car because we couldn't stop laughing.

Last year, at a sleepaway camp based out of a college, we were all in the commons area, except for two people. One was in his room, and the other was in the bathroom (second person is female). We heard someone yell "SWEET JESUS!" from the dorm room, so we sent someone to investigate. The guy in his room had been j****ng off, and yelled SWEET JESUS while doing so. He had nothing to cleanup with except a half eaten bag of skittles. The nearest trash can was in the next building over, so clearly he couldn't just walk over holding a skittles bag full of something besides skittles. So, for some reason, he brought the bag of skittles back to the commons area and put it on the table, which was hilarious, but not the best part. The girl in the bathroom came back to the commons area. She noticed the skittles, and thought it was a snack, so she reached in, took one out, ate it, then asked us why it had a "sour liquid" on it. We burst out laughing, and then someone shouted, "SWEET JESUS, TASTE THE RAINBOW!!!"
To this day, it was the funniest thing I have ever been a part of.

When I was 16 I was at this beach bbq with my family and about 5 others. Well most of the parents were drunk and this one guy takes his wife and picks her up and runs into the lake and she's screaming but not really mad since she's still dressed and is about to be soaked.

Well now a drunk neighbor guy who everyone likes decides to do this also. Well what no one knew and I found out from my drunken dad that this guys hot for this woman who is not his wife "who is also there" and she's got big b***s and I guess he kept getting peeks at her. So he grabs her and runs into the lake and he is drunk as hell. He gets to about his waste level and trips. Both him and the girl with the big b***s fall into the water. She instantly pops up and I am so glad I was there since I got an eyeful since she was wearing a tubetop and it fell down to her waste and she didn't even notice. The drunken guy that fell was floundering for almost 10 seconds before he could get his head above the water. So basically the guy that wanted to see her b***s so badly was the only one that never saw them.

I was with my extended family at an local amusement park when I was 10. My uncle and I went on a boat ride where you drive the boat around a small track. You could drive the boat freely but it had no throttle control. It's a pretty boring ride unless you have someone like my uncle to ride with. Half way through the ride he suddenly turned the boat completely sideways and blocked the track. Since the boats had no throttle control everyone bumped into us and got stuck as well. With a boat pile-up holding up the ride the attendants came to help my uncle, who started acting like he had special needs and couldn't understand what they were telling him to do. Every time they got him going straight again he would keep turning until it got stuck again. The attendants tried to get me to tell him what to do, and I did but my uncle would just do the opposite and kept turning sideways. Eventually the attendant jumped on the boat and steered it the rest of the way while my uncle just smiled at him. Right after we got out of the boat my uncle stopped the act and just said to the attendants "thanks for the ride."

The combination of seeing my uncle act this way, the frustration of the ride attendants and the embarrassment of my mom and aunt made it one of the best days I ever had at that place.

>My friend and his girlfriend recently got engaged. As an engagement gift a bunch of us got together to buy a portrait for them. We bought the portrait from a guy, named Pricasso, who is famous for drawing portraits with his d**k. The portrait even came with a video of him drawing it with his p***s. Neither one of them has ever seen this video.

>When we gave it to them, they were really excited, we told them that the paints had a taste to them, and that they should give it a lick, and smell it. They must have tried licking that stupid f*****g portrait for at least five minutes before giving up.

>They currently have their portrait hanging in their living room, above the fireplace.

>We do not plan to give them the DVD of him painting their faces with his w**g for at least a few years. So every time one of us comes over, we get a nice chuckle at the d**k painting they have so proudly hung on their wall.

I worked with a really over weight guy who was always huffing on an asthma inhaler. We hired a new guy and his first day on the job he sees the fat guy hitting his inhaler and says "Whatcha got in there? Donuts?".

The other night, my boyfriend and I were bored and s****d so we decided to wreak some havoc. My friend had bought me a laser pointer for Christmas so I could play with my cat with it and instead, we decided to point it at people outside our apartment complex. Just so you know, we live in Atlanta, right next door to a liquor store and in a pretty shady part of town. My boyfriend decides to point it at this guy who was clearly cracked out. This man starts FREAKING out. He just stops in his tracks and holds his hands up in the air and screams, " PUT THE LASERS ON ME! C'MON WHITE DEVILS, PUT THE LASERS ON ME!" Now, we are about 5 stories up so he couldn't see us, but he just goes on this rant for about 10 minutes screaming about lasers and to "bring it". I know it's pretty awful to mess with someone like that, but at the time I could not control myself from laughing hysterically. Only after the laughter subsided did we realize he was probably terrified and thought he was about to get sniped or something. Oops.