Hey Pandas, Why Did You Cry The Last Time You Did? (Closed)

I caretake my 92 year old parents for the past 6 years. Sold my house and moved back. Dad has severe, broad spectrum dementia along with many physical issues. Dad spent most of April in the hospital and when he was released, the hospital sent a visiting nurse a couple of times a week for 3 weeks. This visiting nurse basically said I was failing at taking care of them, because I cannot force dad to drink fluids, and I can't force him to eat vegetables (he's 92 and has never eaten veggies in his life). I also can't force him to where his hearing aids or use his walker. I gave up my life of retirement and fun to do this and being called a failure was the straw.

This afternoon, after overhearing my mom on the phone once again talking about how I'll never be enough. No matter how hard I try, I will never make her proud.

I know you'll never see this mom, but all I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. I just want to hear you say it.

I fully accepted that my ex will never recognized he is emotionally abusive. A sad cry that released the last of my doubts for leaving him.

I don't cry if I can possibly avoid it. My head hurts, my throat gets sore, my nose gets all stuffed up and my eyes ache afterward. I feel worse after crying than I do beforehand.

That said, two weeks ago when I got stung by a hornet. It HURT!

Yesterday. My father has had two falls in the last five days, cracked two vertebrae, then partially dislocated a shoulder. I don't know how my mother keeps it together. I use all my energy being positive in front of them.

dropped a heavy box on my iingrown toenail, turned around in a hurry and caught the same bastard toe on the table leg. that s**t hurt more than breaking my damned ankle

maybe about a week ago. and i think it was because my hands were all bloody?

I had a sad dream and woke up in tears. I can't even remember what the dream was about, just that it was so dreadfully sad.

Last night. My cat escaped, usually indoor. I searched and could hear his distress cry. Couldn’t see him or find him.

I had closed the escape window to keep the others in, my SO said to re-open it. So, I did.

I cried, was sick and lost my tummy.

Sat in the bathroom, in he jaunts. Then happy cried!

Today. I’m pregnant and I got into Law school. I sold my “fun car” and have max a lot of changes to save for taking a huge pay cut while I go on mat leave (I’m the primary breadwinner) and will most likely have to dip into my savings to get by for the first year. My partner asked me if my mother would help at all and I said no. I then thought about it and I felt so sad I do t feel like I have a mom anymore. She’s an alcoholic (high functioning) and I got sober 2.5 years ago and things haven’t been the same. She’s mean and honestly it breaks my heart seeing her drunk because it reminds me of myself and how bad my mental health was to drink straight vodka at 7am. Granted she isn’t as bad as I was but it still mean and sour to be around and I miss my mom. I hate that I’m pregnant and happy and getting my life together and she’s so sad and drunk all the time.

I miss my mom, she can be right in front of me but is so emotionally unavailable all the time she might as well not be there at all.

I really miss my mom.

I start high school soon and I'm scared. I only have like 2 friends that are there and I'm afraid to be alone if they move on. Plus, I suck at making new ones because of my social anxiety lol 😅

I found out my parents didnt want a daughter (two days ago)

Yesterday at the end of Star Trek movie when they have the funeral for Data. 😭😭

The day before yesterday. I was having my period, a depressive dip, intense dysphoria, and issues with my father all at the same time.

A month ago, maybe? Pain. Sometimes drugs just don't make a difference.

A few days ago. I sobbed because my teenage children break my heart.

The last time I cried was last year, around Aug or Sept 2022. My mom was fighting with my auntie, because my auntie ditches us on family vacation to be with someone who wronged my mom badly in the past. While I'm trying my best to defend my mom and accomodate her needs, like buying a ticket to go home together and leave my auntie alone, and did my best to tell her that I never support what my aunt did, she blames be continuously for months because I didn't shout right away towards my aunt. For her, defending her means that we must go on an all-out-war with her adversary. Perhaps slap my auntie right in the face right away would be the best action for my mom. Up to this point, I didn't know whether what I did to handle those conflict is right or wrong. My work-life already f*cked up enough due to tech-winter (I work in tech industry). Until one day, when I said to my mom I leave for work, I didn't go to office. I go to nearby park and having a meltdown there. I stay at the park from 9 AM to 7 PM. I decide to contact my best friend, and he comes to the park to pick me up. We talk until late night, and he said that he'll tell some lies to my company (we work under the same company) that he just met me an I'm not feeling well, so I can take 2 days of sick leave, including the day I was at park. Luckily taking a sick leave at my company back then didn't need a doctor's written diagnose. Next day, I was spending a day at hotel alone to rest my mind. This conflict was never resolved. It is almost one year since my aunt wronged my mom. Until today, sometimes my mom would still blame me for "not standing up enough for her". Moving out is not an option. In my country, you'll be branded as "ungrateful child" if you "abandon" your parent and you'll met with many more difficulties out there. In my country (Indonesia), a child should take care of their parents by themself until your parents passed away. Even up to marriage, some people would bring along their parents. I feel helpless. Sometimes I retaliate, but it'll cost me a whole day. I must be ready to be angry the whole day once I choose to retaliate that day. It is exhausting for me as I need to tend my works, while my mom did nothing (thus she has musch energy resevoir to fight with me). Sometimes I'm just fleeing (told her I'm hanging out with friends, need to work overtime, etc). I resent her. Yet I can't do anything.

I was listening to Radiohead while driving, and thinking dark existential thoughts, as one is prone to do when listening to Radiohead and driving. I was already on the verge of tears when I saw a skinny old homeless cat. He was so beat up looking, I just lost it. Clearly life hasn't been easy for him. I felt so much sadness, I wanted to scoop him up and give him some love (and food). Then I started thinking about how much I love my 3 kitties and cats in general, and how we humans are destroying the world which means kitties are going to suffer too.

My youngest son is an Army veteran with PTSD, chronic pain, anxiety, and depression. He's going through a custody battle with his ex-wife, a bi-polar controlling narcissist (psychiatrist's diagnosis, not mine).
It's tearing him apart and their four young kids have been through hell. I spoke to him for awhile this morning and my mother's intuition tells me that he is not up for this battle. If the ex gets the children we'll never see them again.
It was a rough morning. I have to just have faith that my grandbabies will be ok, that God/Universe/Love will take care of them.

When we got rid of one of my cats his name was Echo and he was a russian blue