Hey Pandas, What's Your Best Comeback? (Closed)

oh ... the tragedy is positively Grecian

'I don't think I have the words to describe that in the abstract form'

'I am surprised no one has put you in a box and shaken it"

SOME IDIOT: What is wrong with you?/You're weird
ME: I'm fabulously weird! [Blank smile, then turn and walk away]

SOME IDIOT: You're {fill in the blank with any adjective that does not describe me at all}.
ME: Really? I hadn't noticed! [Look surprised] Well, write me a 5-paragraph persuasive essay with an Introduction, 3 reasons(one paragraph each), and a conclusion by this time tomorrow, because I really would like to know why {aforementioned adjective} describes me! [Smile enthusiastically and walk away while they are trying to comprehend what I just said with their immensely slow and tiny brain]

I find the last one rather effective, because on the off chance they do write the essay, it will be quite entertaining to read, and if they don't, which is what usually happens, then they basically are admitting they don't have any proof.

K. tone-deafly used a comment thread about toxic masculinity as an opportunity to talk about how attractive she is so I said she shouldn’t be concerned because her personality would put anybody off.

You have a great face for radio

The last time I saw a mouth that big it had a fishhook in it. (Fishhook can be replaced with “d**k” for a more jarring effect.)

You can’t spell stupid without u. (The person may respond angrily, “Well you can’t spell stupid without i, either!” And then you can laugh at how they just proved you right.)

So me and My friend where on the swing and some guys Came up and where like “Ooh u can date us cuz we are in a hand and have phones bla bla bla...” and I Said No1 Your To Idiotic to date anyway No 2 and I don’t F***ing Care about your Dumba** Club and F**k off” (sorry for swearing XD)

got so tired of those people that keep rushing you for an answer that I came up with something to stop them in their tracks:
"the underlying syntax has a parallel equation that hyphens back to a bi-lateral contherium"
- and if you throw the inflection of a question into the last bits, it literally and completely jams up their thought process

if someone says "your gay" just say " at least i show how i really feel.

When I was a young girl I was quite tall. A kid in my neighborhood used to ask almost daily "How's the weather up there". One day I was tired of it and spit on his head and told him it was raining. He stopped asking.

You have life and bullshit confused

"Correcting your recto-cranial inversion is going to take a lot of time and money."

Ran into a friend at Costco just now. She’ll see this, I’m sure.
After pleasantries:
Friend: You have a mean sense of humor.
Me: No flies on you, Sherlock.
Friend: What does that mean?
Me: I take the Sherlock part back, but it means ‘no s**t.’
Friend: Haha. That’s what I mean.
Me: That’s not mean, that’s me being blunt. Mean would be if I made fun of that bedazzled suitcase you call a purse.

Technically, cow meat is 100% plant-based material.