Shortly after my daughter was born, I started experiencing panic attacks and anxiety. A few months later and I still found it really hard to adapt to motherhood. You know, your schedule being dictated by a very demanding baby (mine was), always being tired, never getting things done, and feeling lonely. My baby was planned and a very desired one, but I kept wondering what the hell I had been thinking and that I was totally unfit and hopeless as a mother.
One evening in an anxiety fit I remember asking myself: what type of mother do I want to be for this little girl?... then I went a bit further: what type of human being do I want my daughter to see in me?
I got terrified. I didn't want my daughter to have a emotionally unstable, selfish, immature, ashamed of herself, extremely insecure mother.
I realized I was far from someone that I would be proud of. I knew deep inside who I truly was, but I was so full of insecurities, shame, guilt, stupid and obsolete belief that I had lost the idea of who I was.
From that day, I started the long, incredible, strange, difficult and challenging journey of unmasking myself, forgiving myself and becoming true to myself. Many ups and downs, not fully yet there and perhaps this journey will last my whole life, but it makes me truly happy to see how much I have become more coherent and true to myself.
It took me some years to finally start enjoying being mother. And now, 10 years later, I feel very happy with myself, both as a mother and as a human being.
One evening in an anxiety fit I remember asking myself: what type of mother do I want to be for this little girl?... then I went a bit further: what type of human being do I want my daughter to see in me?
I got terrified. I didn't want my daughter to have a emotionally unstable, selfish, immature, ashamed of herself, extremely insecure mother.
I realized I was far from someone that I would be proud of. I knew deep inside who I truly was, but I was so full of insecurities, shame, guilt, stupid and obsolete belief that I had lost the idea of who I was.
From that day, I started the long, incredible, strange, difficult and challenging journey of unmasking myself, forgiving myself and becoming true to myself. Many ups and downs, not fully yet there and perhaps this journey will last my whole life, but it makes me truly happy to see how much I have become more coherent and true to myself.
It took me some years to finally start enjoying being mother. And now, 10 years later, I feel very happy with myself, both as a mother and as a human being.