Hey Pandas, What Did You Grossly Misunderstand As A Child?

I thought it was, like, physically impossible for an unmarried couple to have a baby.

Not sure if I'm going to get downvoted into oblivion or censored or what, but I'll do my best as this is a bit risque. I went to sleep away camp at the age of 11 and the counselors and CITs spoke pretty freely about sex. Things I knew almost nothing about. I heard them mention something called a "bl**j**". My minimal knowledge of boys anatomy mystified me. I'd seen a flaccid one (lots of boy cousins and changing to swim together, we were kids, it wasn't weird) but also knew it had to be erect to help make a baby. I finally decided a "bl**j**" must mean the woman had to inflate the excess skin like a balloon to allow the man to have intercourse. It was flaccid until the woman blew it up. I was amazed when I got older and found out that's not how it works at all.

When my teacher told me people come in all shapes and sizes, I took it literally. I thought people could have a triangular head, or maybe a pink body.

That if you eat a watermelon seed it will grown inside your stomatch

The phrase "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I did a lot of dumb s**t thinking it would make me physically stronger. That's how I learned that no, unlike Mary Poppins, you cannot safely float to the ground by holding a large umbrella and jumping off the roof... I really don't understand how I managed to survive childhood.

That a “blind date”, was with an actual blind person.

That if I eat spinach, I will be strong like Popeye :)))

For a mercifully brief time in 1976, when I was five, I went to Sunday school. I was fascinated by the song lyrics:

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
We are precious in his sight…

I knew there were white people, black people, Oriental people (1976, remember?), American Indians…but red and yellow people? I literally thought there must be people that were bright Crayola red and yellow, and I was so excited to meet one one day! I even wondered if there might be blue or green people. I was disappointed when I told my mom about it, and she told me “red means Indian and yellow means Oriental.” Then I was just confused because they’re brown.

We were some seriously woke white southern Californians back then!

I really thought being an adult would be fun

When I was little, I didn't really know what happened when you got your period, and by extent, thought you only had it once, then you were done. So when my mom asked my dad for pads because she started hers again, I FREAKED OUT.

I once asked my Dad if the color red could be used as camoflauge and he replied 'Everything around you is red.'. So for what seemed like months I racked my probably 5 year old brain trying to understand what he meant. Clearly alot of things are not red. Things can be blue too. Or green, or yellow. Is this guy crazy? I decided I had to ask him again but I had to wait because I felt like an idioit. When I eventually asked him again he replied 'Only if everything around you is red.' Which is exactly what he said the first time. Turns out I felt like an idioit for a reason!

When people at my Catholic preschool said Amen, I thought they said Almond imao

I believed that babies were made by eating special seeds, so, whenever we went to the garden shop, i looked for the "baby aisle"

When i was a child i was thinking that there is an elavator cabin on each floors, cause when i want use it there was one on each floor that i am

I knew power lines electrocuted you. I saw squirrels on power lines. I thought squirrels were zombies.

Chalk is not, in fact, food

I couldn’t believe my parents actually had first names- not just Mama and Daddy

I misunderstood a LOT as a kid. I took things literally. Case in point, there's a huge statue of General Custer in the town I grew up in. I honestly thought he died on his horse, posed, and they poured cement over him then put him on display.

Thought people actually had a bubble around them that you couldn't see and it would pop if someone got to close and that would cause the uncomfortable feeling. Then it would grow back.

Thought people could pee different colors. Like your genetics decided if your pee was blue or yellow or purple and my family just happened to all pee yellow

Also for a long time thought that the word "c√m" was that stuff that grows between your teeth

I thought that you unrolled tampons…