77 Savage Comebacks That Ended The Argument Immediately

I'm overweight, which I'm fine with, but someone in my class decided to make a fat joke to me.

My reply: "Well, being fat just means I'm easier to spot, unlike your d**k."

He never joked with me ever again.

I was in a yahoo chatroom (yes. I am old.) and was like 15 years old. Some guy I had been talking to for a while, and whom I had told I was 15, sent me a d**k pic out of nowhere. He asked me what I thought about it...

I told him my mom always told me good things come in small packages.

He was not impressed.

My mum helped me come up with this one for a horrible fat boy who picked on me at school (who also had a crush on me I'm pretty sure) "You didn't eat the pies, you ate the baker too!" Lol! All the nasty kids were shocked.

My buddies and I were in college and walking back from a bar fairly late in the evening.. a homeless man kept annoyingly hounding us about giving him some money.. (this college town has a homeless community reputation so we’re used to it).. Anyways he followed us a block or so and exclaims “oh so you’re too cool to give me money.. where do you think you’re going ignoring me like that?”

My buddy’s single word roast looks back and says “HOME!”

It took us a minute to realize how bad he just ended this man’s whole career! Still talk about it to this day.

My science teacher assigned a really hard test and almost everyone failed. Everyone complained and she responded with “ someone got a 93%, so it’s not impossible.” Then this one kid in the back said “the answer key doesn’t count Mrs.teacher”.

"You dress like a grandpa"

"That's why your mom calls me daddy".

One day a guy at school held the door for me and said :

"Ladies first" (i'm a guy)

I said :

"B*****s next".

In 8th grade this kid yelled in the cramped hallway “hurry up and move y’all smell like butt” to which I replied “it’s cuz your mouth is too close to your nose”.

And my junior year of high school this huge girl called me a jerk for no reason, so I said “you’re just mad I can actually wipe my butt”.

Older elementary school when puberty was just starting for everyone...

Male classmate tried to catch me in a "gotcha" assuming that I wouldn't know about biological things like that. So he said, "do you have *hair* on your d**k?"

I said, "Yes, why. Don't you?".

" You're so full of s**t your eyes are brown " found it in a book called insults and comebacks , still makes me giggle.

Random kid: "I bet you can't see your pp in the shower"
My friend: "Nope, only your moms head"

(yes I know this comeback was taken from somewhere but that doesn't make it worse).

From a drill instructor to another recruit in boot camp: " is that acne on your face, or did you spend 9 months dodging the clothes hanger?"

"I'm sure that is a devastating insult in the Target break room"

Replace Target with whatever the insulters first (or current) part time/dead end job was.

Back in the 90s when being called gay was still considered an insult...

Buddy 1: Hey, Chris, I heard you got caught calling gay phone s*x again.

Buddy 2: Yeah, I was calling your dad.

"How appropriate! You fight like a cow!".

If I wanted my come back, I'd scrape it off your face.

"no you.".